Friday try to replay the week.

Wednesday, bit of a blank must consult my diary - It says I was at a meeting about desktop roll out, it went well with Christine and Mike. Got .a new badge made and had a meeting with the boss.Lots to do and must prioritise.
Thursday Back to Blackburne House for another meeting of the great and good in informatics. not surewhat it was all about, though clearly getting less money than we thought. Spooky time in the afternoon. Attended a PROPEL session, attended a very good session about supporting primary care with mental health difficulties. It was at the Bridge Chapel and Cozzie sorted me out some soup for dinner.He also gave me some of his old clothes that no longer fit him. Kept seeing people I knew from years ago and getting lots of double take looks. Met a girl who I last saw in the nurses home in 1982 - my god you have put on weight she said - if only she knew. Popped into mums on the way home where her and Mary were eating a roast dinner. It smelt divine. Then back to Childwall Park Avenue to see Sam Veronica and Jane, all working hard and doing a good job. Dropped Sam off at home and back for pasta bolognese very good. Chilled out watched a very strange back to front ER on E4. In between I promoted Mick to Admin on wlsinfo because of his sterling work (and I need the help).Very tired and off to bed
Friday up early Jean off, but I was in for a meeting about HR websites. Very interesting. Then off to the gym, glass of milk and a workout. Did more walking and enjoyed it. Full workout today and great shower after. New jogging pants in size 2XL fit well, I was in 7xl.

Thursday Night

Alarmed at the lack of blogging this week. Is this a reflection of my busy life, is there still a maket for this study of the minutiae of my life. Lots done to be written up tomorrow I think

Wednesday Morning

Good result at the gym, now only a spit away from plain old severe obesity according to WHO tables. Super (>50 was a better sounding place) Being Morbidly Obese (40-49), has a branding problem for me. Severe just sounds better to me mines 40.something now. So nearly there, to the unititiated I am Talking Body Mass Index BMI. Calculate yours and worry at My calculators page.
Lots to do today so better move - Later.

Tuesday Night

Don't know if it was hypoglycaemia, or just a funny turn - Who knows felt better today though.Early start at Blackburne House, protracted meeting with other heads of Informatics. Made some progress though, I think. Certainly understood what has been happening whilst I was off. Had lentil soup and bread for lunch. Called in at a General practice to deliver a phone for the care manager. lots to do and the backlog of emails etc seems to be getting worse not better. Try and get things sorted tomorrow.Went to the gym on the way home, good workout and another 5 lb gone, over 12 and half stone gone now. Home then dropped the car at Daves to get the mirror fixed and and radio sorted still no news on the new car and thats a worry. Went to Ruth and Pauls for his 52nd birthday, then back home. Feeling good, 22 members on wlsinfo now. It seems to be making a difference and thats good. Busy day tomorrow,quiz trip cancelled due to mothers tiredness and me pacing meself. Can't do it all.

Tuesday morning

Good day yesterday. Funny turn in the night, woke up drenched in sweat, a bit confused, rambling incoherent. Took about an hour to settle not sure what it was.Have to watch it today. Will post more at lunchtime.

Monday morning

Restless nights sleep, woke up the news that Clare Short has threatened to resign - good on her. Jean Ally and I are irate about this war stuff. So I send Tony a letter
text here
"Copy of a letter I sent to Tony Blair this morning by post


Dear Tony, I was born in 1961, voted at my first election in 1979, then suffered for how many years under two tory leaders, and sat through two wars of dubious necessity. One of the happiest, proudest days of my life was the day you were elected. I thought at last a chance, for someone who cares to run the country. I was peturbed by the tuition fees for university, but stood by you. Some other things you have done have worried me, but above I felt you were a principalled man who would do the right thing. You even looked capable of bridge building with the Europeans, which would have been an impressive feat.
Take a look at where you are now, This american president is plum crazy, do us a favour stand up and tell him, war - no way. You could forever be remembered as the man who saved us from war. He is a nasty bully, he doesn't need us and you could lead the revolt. Think about it a united europe, I have yet to meet many people who think this war is a good idea. Granted I tend to mix with pinko guardian readers, but we are the people who have stood by you. If we go to war, they will be no one to vote for at the next election. Too many people will die, some of my friends have gone over there, and I am worried. This year I have had life saving surgery, go on make my remaining years happy ones. Say no to George. Jean,Ken and Ally Clare

I know its not that good a letter but someone has to tell him - is it treason to call Dubya plum crazy, I have told the girls that I will do the time if required. I copied it to the guardian letters page and I know its not much but I feel better for it. Do you know you cannot email the primeminister - e-government my A**E.
Anyway off to work now via the opticians and the Asda. Bananas required.

Sunday report

Email webbing and all sorts done this morning. Girls went to church. Then its off to mums where Mary (sister) and her daughter ann(who lives in London) is up. She is my niece and godaughter, top girl. Drop off some big clothes for cozzie to have first shout on. On the way back I whackily suggest we go for a walk in the park. Jean is shocked Ally thinks I have flipped.But we go for a walk around calderstones. Top place lots of nature, I used to fish there when I was a boy. As well as many happy hours just walking round looking for romance. I caught more fish than girls. 1 perch in fact I nearly died it was slimy and prickly. Me mates dad had to take it off the hook.
Back at home for a bit more webbing before pickin me mum up from Nanny Banks. Auntie Betty my mothers asthmatic senior service smoking sister was there. I haven't seen since the op and all she could say was the jogging pants made me look fat. I've lost 12 stone odd doh! Went to Ali and pauls for some time with the cool dude Archie, who has discovered walking. He seemed happy to see us, but looked confused as we aint been there before. Top house with some interesting features, the bog is well worth a visit. Several cool pictures and good reading matter, plus a lifebelt on the wall. Study was cool replete with table football machine. Top of the shop for me however was Pauls german firefighters helmet. He entered the room, which he had pre darkened, to reveal its best quality. It glows in the dark -spooky or what. Jealousy raised its ugly head - I want one. We also share a bit of a passion for fire-engines. I used to be a retained firefighter - more of that another time. What a hoot we had. Back home where Jean and I shared a chinese banquet for one, sort of precooked thing but the chiken was good. Telephone calls to Mick, and Tina who has her weight loss surgery at 6.30 ish in Leeds today. Absolutely knakkered by the end of it and we retire to bed.

Sunday Night

What a busy weekend, full of life and energy. Off to the gym, limited time so only fitted in cardiovascular exercise. Still thats the important bit, now up to 40 mins met Kath who is a nurse from Bridge Chapel, nice person too. Met a geezer visiting the gym and promised to send him some images of the accessible machines. After that its off to the opticians and meet Jean and Ally. Interesting chats with the opitician who has a relative who is overweight.Some problems with visual fields and I need another test. Boots in town do hearing tests so I am going for one. I'll finish this later 24 is on now. Change in plan record 24 Ally and jean get into heavy hairwashing. So opticians was a big job, dead nice people dead interested in wls. And I like to talk so thats fine. When I came out of the test my style advisers had dissapeared, no way I am making decisions like that. So wander around asda, found jean, oops she said I didn't realise we should have waited. She has a half filled trolley so I buy an egg butty and sit outside opticians. Some time later, I had had my dinner and read the echo the two of them turn up separately. Into shop girls pick I agree sorted. Wait a while for someone to be free, to measure up etc. All done, sunglasses ordered for jols 195squid. Off to PC world to buy Paul (bro-in-laws) birthday pressie. Then Borders for Paul S prezzie. Then off to Nannys to pick up mum, nanny looks fine mum looks terrible.Drop mum off then pop into see my mate cozzie the cook at bridge chapel. He lifts me (as he always does) and agree to see him tomorrow to give him first shout on my old clothes. Time for some food before off to Paul S party. Childwall Golf Club, posh place nice night with several old friends. Had nearly two guinness and three red wines and a whole lot of water. Seriously giddy by then. Left early and home to Mrs C.

Saturday Morning

After that delicious tea it was off to Grandmas for the usual Friday night pilgrimage. Now 8.30 on a Friday after a busy week in work used to mean curry telly and a shed full of beer and wine. Last night I was meant to go to Ally Butts leaving party at 9.30, to be truthful I didn't have the energy to get a bath, never mind go out. So it was a grated cheese red wine and a chill out. I felt bad, tried to ring Sandra so I called let them know but she missed the call. Felt guilty but need energy, also need to spend time with family. Ally will understand anyway, I'll pop round to her house in the next week or two to apologise.
Another strange thing happened in the night - my legs, which were very chunky have changed. They look like bits of cotton, hanging from my shorts, Jean says I look very eric morcambe (only geezers of a certain age will understand the reference). I also have a hard lump clearly palpable at the top of my thigh. After extensive probing and confirmation from Jean we have agreed on a diagnosis - femur (which is apparently a bone) It is time to buy new shorts as these are 4 sizes too big. Lying in bed last night I discovered a lump in my chest, clearly palpable on the right hand side just below my xiphisternum. I was a bit worried, lipoma, sarcoma, ?? extensive fiddling reveals a matching patner on the left after, writing my will and wondering what to tell Ally I remember back to anatomy classes, they could be ribs, I suppose. Jean confirms my diagnosis in a flash. My only experience of ribs in the last 25 years has been either bacon ones or chinese style. I had forgotten I had any. To understand the crop of new words that appeared today look here Online Medical dictionary

Friday teatime

Whahay, prawn foo yong for tea and three chips. Busy day, netted, spoke to mick on phone, went to post office, then off to rathbone to sort out the new car. Then to Tescos then to matchworks for twelve. Presentation for Ali B who is off on mat leave today.She did well, for prezzies but she truly is one of lifes good people. I have never met anyone who said anything that is negative about her. I'll miss her for sure. Messed around setting up a few techie things in the matchworks but ended up tired. Then it was back home and chillingout .

Thursday night

Busy day, feel good sorted some stuff out. Post in Guardian online about blogging bit of a scathing article. I don't know, its done me good and several people have said it done them good to read it. It is good to have a record of it anyway. Work is busy, but starting to get some stuff moving. Lots to do but good, supposed to be off tomorrow but will be in. Got to go ER on E4

No time to lose

HEADLINE 12 stone weight loss barier smashed last night 12 stone three and cardiovascular exercise up to 40 minutes last night From 7 pre op. Watch out world I'm back

Wednesday - Shirt crisis

Oh no I must have lost stones overnight, all my shirts have suddenly become five sizes too big - I can't wear them. Jean and Ally have gone - Found Birthday party shirt - but what about a tie? Those of you that know me will realise I haven't got a clue. I'll take a few into work and seek the sartorial advice of Gail and Sandra, top girls from the Matchworks who I would never "diss" on the blog. How could I, I don't know what it means - must ask Ally. I think she has accussed me of it too. Bit sad last night and upset about Peter. Got an email back from the blogging curate who seems lke a cool dude. So off to work, a steering group meeting where I will look bewildered and the first time proper sit down with Andrea, the PA I share with Ali the gravid pharmacist. She goes on Mat leave on Friday I will miss her, but at least I'll get me chair back. I may donate it to the pregnancy camp when I get under the weight limit for a normal chair.Targets, targets, Targets.

Tuesday PM

Got into work about 9.30, meeting went well. Off to Peters funeral, it clearly hadn't struck me that he was really dead. Terribly upsetting funeral, I know thats obvious but this was big league. 37 not ill, then bumf dead, serious ruminations about mortality during the service. Old folks who have lived good lives, or people who have been ill and in pain I can handle but this seems too rough. Jean is really upset. Met up with John (brother in law)on the way in, met By pass Simon and Gibbo on the way out. Service was killer one of his workmates broke down while giving a tribute about him. Clearly a popular bloke the church was standing room only a beautiful church Holy Trinity. The Curate did a top job and it was one of the best talks I have heard at a funeral and I have just been wandering round and found out he does a blog top man, I'm going to send him an email
Managed to work out the last time I was with Peter was the night before I got married 15 years ago. Mike and I had gone to the Coffee House for a quiet couple of steadiers, and we met Pete and Si in there. That was one of many good nights I had in there with those boys. So it seemed apt when Gibbo suggested going there after the service. We raised a glass and toasted him and recalled old times. Had some laughs about him and the old days. We went in what was left of the old bar and there was a country/blues band practising in there. That put the top hat on a surreal day.

Tuesday Am

Early start - seems to be working breakfast on board before 8. Just need to sit still for 30 mins or so. Is work before 9 feasible? Before going out last night I went for a walk, once round the block in the rain, most enjoyable. Had a good night last night with Mick Ian and Gordon. First round I got a pint of guiness, recomended to me for its lack of fizz. (Being a child of the 60's I am convinced it has strange medicinal powers).Got about 60% of it down, not an unpleasant taste. Can't drinks halves of beer, I aint no Ken Barlow. Then went on to red wine and a tap water chaser. There was football on, real ale, and a lively atmosphere. Won a few CAMRA awards good place, just down from the ASDA, opposite the old workhouse which was a hospital I proudly closed, (one of my better achievments in mental health work). Can't beat a rant with a bunch of old mates, top stuff - world to rights and all that. For four of us the last round was tapwater. 2 tonic waters and a pint of draught bass. Ian is diabetic, I am a health nut (haha) , Mick was driving and Gordon had a pint.
Get to work team meeting, better cobble an agenda or something, funeral then work from Home. Fit in a gym attack as well. 19 members on the site now -its taking off.

Monday night

Forgot to tell you, me mam rang at 3am having a hypoglycaemic/panic attack, my counselling skills at the time are never good. She settled eventually after some mikk and food and reassurance from her semi-comatose son. Got back to sleep then next suddenly awoken needed to be in work by 9.30. Forgot my tablets, bananas and wallet. Got there expecting a team briefing of about half an hour, ended up in a another meeting didn't finish till one. At what I thought was about 10.30 (it was noon) I put out an emergency request for bananas, got one from Gail, and two from Janet. Better, ate lunch at 2.30, then fell asleep at my desk, oops tiddled with some emails but went home at 3.30. Knakkered fell asleep, woke up by the girls and feeling better. Funeral tomorrow - not looking forward to that. Also going to have to sort mywork stuff out.
18 members now registered atWLS Info site I was especially pleased to see a posting that said finally I am not alone. Someone who like all the people felt isolated and was made up to find our site.
You blogwatchers are a fickle lot complaints today (sandra and Gail) that the postings are too long. Like I care, anyway I'm going out to the Willowbank for a drink and an old mans natter.

Monday Morning

What a busy day yesterday. Lunch went well, though it was the first time the team have performed on such a scale since the op. I have to admit I was so wound up by the time it arrived I couldn't eat much. Watched the cricket an saw England lose to the Aussies, very sad. Good lunch and company. Tina and Chris and their two youngsters arrived about 4.30 and stayed till eightish. I hope we helped them the kids enjoyed watching men in black 2 while we sat in the dining room discussing more serious issues. Every time I meet someone pre-op it brings back everything I was feeling before. Fear trepidation etc. I also promised to add Tina to my positive vibes list. Several of you reading this are on it and at quiet moments I say a few prayers and stuff, and it seems to work. (Expect the headline tomorrow Ken Clare in prayer shocker). Ok enough religious ranting but have a positive vibe for Tina nad her family next Monday.
I learnt a lot from them and opening your home to almost strangers is an uplifting experience. As a safety guideline I only see people from the net with Jean and accompanied by a friend partner or significant other. We laughed too, mainly at me because since the op I can't shut up and I was bad before but now......
Anyway everyone is different but I recommend anyone having the op to speak to as many people as possible and soak up info like a sponge. Also anyone reading this blog my post op complications were unusually large and longlasting. I have met 3 people who have never barfed since the op. I was unlucky, and I would still do it all again.
New plan to day work full time this week. Change in routine and breakfast before pills today. Pills in work, so thats a mid morning snack of prozac, vioxx and zoton finished off with a multivit. Ok prozac and religion I know I'm a bad case. I'd rather tell people though rather than them finding my pills and wondering. Anyway off to the team brief, where the boss hands out news like tablets of stone, or some thing like that. Might be a few people I aint seen for months.

Sunday Morning

Busy again yesterday, so where do I start, messed on the PC most of the morning. Still got an inbox full to sort. Hang on the England batting collapse has started so better go downstairs. England now 75 for 4 after 14 overs bit of a mess. Still thanks to the beauty of wireless networking I can sit in front of the telly and watch it.
Good food day yesterday, plenty in no barfing. Got to the gym lost one and a bit pounds, felt a bit miserable that I hadnt broke the 12 stone lost barrier, did break the 22 stone barrier though. Got to devise a way to monitor progress thats bigger than just weight loss. My weight loss was poor but, overall I had a top week. But you still think weight is the main criteria by which you should judge yourself. Me thinks there is something about personality in there as well. Great work out at the gym, increase cardiovascular workout by 1 minute. (another achievment). Had a good talk with Jack my guru, and steve the original trainer who did my induction some months ago. Also had a good natter with Mark, No 1 in the world in wheelchair tennis. A great bloke and an inspiration, his modest attitude and professional approach to training impressed me. Never met a world number one at anything so I was well chuffed. He really encouraged me, He is currently training to make the paralympic team for Athens 2004. Every one tells him he will get gold but his focus is on making the squad.
Went off to asda and booked eyetest appointment for me and Ally for next week. These gigs keep falling down coz my head has shrunk. Another wicket gone 87-5 now. Went into Asda had a good mooch around bought Jean some flowers and Ally Busteds new single - which I really like Year 3000, especially the acoustic version. Stuck a heap of newspapers in the recyclng bins. Back home and soup for lunch at 4, off to Nanny Banks for 5.30 accompanied by Ally. Jean took eleanor in to see her sister her sister still very poorly. Nanny Banks looks better for being at home and dressed. Mum feels better about her being at home, so thats good for me.
Got back home did a bit of messing around on the website, Jean arrived back about 8 and we had pasta and meatballs for tea - tasty and meaty. Watched Parky with Jamie Oliver very good. Should have gone to Kathrins party but too tired to be honest.
So today ruth, paul, catherine, bea, alan for lunch, pork and chicken roast dinner, followed by visit from Tina and her family a pre-op from bury. Plus webbing a walk and catching up with emails.

Saturday Morning

A busy day yesterday, in work for 10. Good meeting with Paul, a practice manager, felt at times like I knew what I was talking about, spooky. Then went to Eileens dads funeral, glad to see the NHS represented in force, by me and veronica from south and Chris and Val from Central. Very nice service, obviously a popular guy, his son did a tribute, it was really good and moved me. Some of the words of the hymns were very poignant. The church was lovely, Our lady of Mount Carmel off Park road. I struggled a bit with the catholic liturgical approach but I wasn't the only one. Bobby was a soldier and British legion member they had a standard bearer there, He had been very ill for a long time so it seemed like a relief and the faith of the family helped them believe he was in a better place.
Back to work, stopping off at thoughtful foods on the way. A sort of butty shop for the landed gentry (yes we have posh parts of Liverpool), stood in the queue oggling pies and pasta dishes, looking for signs of soup. Found the sign oxtail soup that's not for me - I'm out and microwaving in the matchworks before you know it.
Upstairs for a bit of work, got a clear plan on my PC replacement program, a few things then off to Leeds to beat the traffic.
Left Liverpool at half three traffic was terrible stopped at Hartshead moor services and bought an egg and cress butty. Eat the middle bit, no crusts delicious and stayed where it should. Now Leeds, I have Leedsophobia, For several years we holidayed in Scarborough, which involved going through Leeds to find the A64 York road. I always got lost, I have been around Leeds several times. I am always suspicious of cities that aren't on the coast, at least in Liverpool the river stops you. I think in Leeds you could go for miles and miles. I did I had directions from the web from Clair, and some notes from Tinas husband. Anyway the hospitals tend to be well sign posted and I found it. Or at least one bit of it. The security guy didn't now where I wanted but I got there anyway. Parked in a place that said permit holders only and entered the place. Fine old Victorian establishment with an imposing architectural sign. Following notes from Tina I found the place up to the sixth floor.LIMIT bingo. The door was opened by a local person, who said you must be Ken I recognise your crutch. Fame at last, are you Tina, no Paula with her mum. A member of the wlsinfo site closed Roux-en-y November last year. Nice to put a face to a name. We were made a drink by a theatre nurse, who works in LIMIT and shown into a boss conference room. Two pre-ops arrived, they looked nervous. Paula had already lifted her clothes to show the amazing minimal scars from lap surgery. I responded to this secret sign by giving her a tantalising glimpse of the Grand Canyon (my scar don't worry). Another pre op and his partner arrived. Tina and Paul her partner, then another preop and her partner. All there, but the speaker didn't show, Mr Dexter, in theatre we found out later saving lives, didn't he know I had come all the way from Liverpool. For me that was no problem, and the quality of support and peer group stuff was the best bit.
Leeds is a funny place with a lot of hospitals and two weight loss surgery centres - and never the twain shall meet (or so it looks). Tina had tried to join the support group at the other place and was told it was only for patients of surgeon X. So good on her she set up her own, and anyone is welcome, any surgery approach, any doctor. I fully endorse this approach, there is so little support and info that we should be working co-operatively. I spoke to everyone and handed out cards. The two pre-oppers were nervous (just like I was) I hoped it helped them to meet people who had been there and lived to tell the tale. I found it a stimulating session, and was brimming full of ideas for our own group in Liverpool. Got an email yesterday from someone who is keen to set it up, and I am all for spreading the work. A big public thanks to Tina and Paul and the other folk for inviting and sharing feelings so openly. Hope to collaborate with Tina on the website stuff as well. Left the hospital found the car. I ate the rest of the egg butty, scared that I may never get home again. Only took me twenty five minutes to find the right road, the signposting was abysmal, I ended up on the road to York though. Got on the motorway, the wind and rain were lashing down. Accident just outside Leeds, terrible night got home and safe about 10.30. Relaxing with Jean watching Billy Connolly when got a phone call at ten to twelve. It was Eleanor one of the two sisters from next door, both retired nurses in the 90's they are an amazing pair. Anyway the younger sister Pat has had kidney trouble recently, been readmitted to the Royal and is very ill. Eleanor seemed agitated and upset, so I dispatched Jean, who donned a coat over her jimjams and went next door. I adopted a supportive approach by falling asleep in the chair. Jean woke me later at 1am and dragged me up to bed. The morning has disappeared and its off to the gym for a weigh in and workout. Shopping, and then to Nanny Banks' tonight. Discharge today if all goes well. Rang me mum who tells me they gave Nanny two bags of blood last night. I did ask about it 2 weeks she has a chronic anaemia, for which they can't find a reason. Seems the correct treatment is now part of the discharge process. She is better off at home.

Friday - No time to blog on Thursday

Missing a day is bad news - been so busy this week I feel almost normal.
So to break the missing bits into small chunks and chew slowly. Had a big meet at work Wednesday afternoon discussing how to snaffle someof the extra money that the NHS will be given after April to improve its computer systems. Problem is they made a list last week and it came to three times the dosh that is likely to be available. I worry that even if we get a lot we aint got many people about with the right skills. I am also concerned about the amount of endless peformance monitoring stuff we have to submit to the centre (whatever that means). Perhaps if we asked saddam, blair, bush and co to fill in all these returns it would prevent the meltdown in the Gulf. It seems to me that everyone is so busy filling this stuff in to monitor their performance that they aint got time to perform (which could be a good thing in the gulf). I am having those strange old feelings that I want to make a difference to health for real people and I guess that seems a long way away at the minute. Make jokes about chucking it all in and going to be a clinical person again. Something stirs deep inside about why I joined up as a nurse anyway, all those years ago. I manage to stop these delusional ideas affecting my performance at performance monitoring. Wednesday Night is quite poignant as we raise a glass to Peter, and talk about old times and friends who are no longer with us.
Thursday morning got to be at Aintree Hospitals to see Mr Kerrigan at the ungodly hour of 9.15. This will involve a trek up Queens drive, a main artery of liverpol, at rush hour which is not easy. I opt for light relief on the journey talking handsfree to John Mc, top primary care technician and all round good egg.I do miss working with him. Arrive handy at Aintree and secure a decent accessible parking space. Do a few phonecalls and prepare an agenda for the meeting with Mr K. Not sure but anticipate its to talk about websites, and support. Rather than matters personal. Correct in my assumption, and for two hours we cover huge areas. The man is a star, I have noticed this personality cult that weight Loss surgery people develop about their surgeons. When someone gives you a life back its hard not to look at them as some kind of saint. We discuss this at length, I hope I don't do this but my suggestion that I design Dave Kerrigan memorabilia and mechandise betrays me. He is impressed with the selling locks of his hair idea,though, think of the income generation potential. We discuss a vast range of things in a circuitous way and I feel like we are the same wavelength about quite a few things. Getting some professional help with the wlsinfo website which is good and looking at printed info for those people without t'internet. Though a lot of big people have internet access as it is an enabling tool, if you can afford it. Leave with lots of plans after 2 hours. Miss a meeting of the trainers and head straight for the matchworks spending oly 25 minutes on the rocket flyover because of roadworks, still a good chance to phone people. Arrive at Matchworks and some big prescribing team doo is on, not sure what it is but the lunch smells good. See Frank (GP not barber) another one of the Ken Clare support team who will be shortly enter the sainthood. Meet some other docs, some of whom are really encouraging about the weight loss, some of whom dont mention it (maybe they didn't notice). The event is run by Ali my heavily pregnant mate, I will miss her when she goes on Mat leave as she is sound and supportive to me. off to childwall to see Sam and the gang, what a great job she has done in my absence, though I still feel guilty about being away so long. Had a good natter with one of my staff who is in the TA about the stae of the gulf
Home to the girls and off to mums for her 73rd birthday, we bought her a groovy chick cake, some flowery things and bulbs. She is very difficult to buy for. See Sandra at Tescos we went in for a cake and a pint of milk and spend 35 quid.See brother Dave and his partner Maria at Mums. My sister Mary is off to the theatre in Manchester. BAck home a few phone calls, bit of surfing and its time for ER. A very moving (tear jerking) episode on E4.
Friday then, a meeting at the matchworks, then Eileens dads funeral and off to Leeds for an evening meeting. The weight loss support group for one of the two surgery centres in the city.A busy weekend ahead.

Wednesday AM

Popped into the Matchworks, Missed lunch (not good) had a good meeting with Caroline and Paul (my counterparts) between us we cover the whole of Liverpool. Had a natter with a few folk and sorted some stuff out. Popped into the library, saw Mo, Tracey and King Blogger. Realised that running a blog can afffect how you interact. People seem to know about the details of certain aspects of my life. They also get miffed if they dont get mentioned (sometimes). It feels a bit like a confessional sometime, and I am talking to myself, forgetting that there is a sad band of people peeping in to my equally sad life (several of whom just stormed out in a huff). I am worried I will let something thats supposed to be confidential, slip in my dear diary secion.
Anyway matters food had three quarters of a banana at 3.30, then egg and beans about 6. Barfed that up, ate in a rush I think. Went to mother in laws and saw Ruth and Pauls excellent pics from New York. Bit of webbing later on and been invited to a weight loss surgery support group in Leeds on Friday, bit apprehensive, but would like to go, there are practical things, like getting to Leeds for 6.30 on a Fridaybut we'll see. Just had a phone call from Si, whose 40th we went to last week one of our contemporaries Peter, died on Saturday, just out of the blue. We all used to be in the Boys Brigade together many moons ago. Funeral on Tuesday at 1pm, I'll have to make a few phonecalls, that's knocked me for six.

Tuesday - early starter

Haircut yesterday and that always helps, Frank is so positive. Back to the house and a call from Tina who is pre-op two weeks out, she is coming to see us on Sunday. Hope it helps her. Off to the gym then quick tea, which comes back whilst watching program about wls. Corrie climax for trickie dickie. Up at 6 this morning to pick Ruth and Paul up from the airport, they enjoyed New York but looked tired. Digestion out of kilter as a consequence. Getting there now, and off to work shortly. Going to Hammy House so not sure what to do about lunch.

Monday Monday

Went to the hospital yesterday, Nanny Banks looks better, though going to be in for another week, while they organise a home assessment. The outcome of which will be that the house aint suitable, but she aint movin so why bother. The interaction between my mum and my nan does my head in. It was bedtime last night before I was able to tell Jean and Ally about it. The deafness, shouting, repetition, multitheaded conversations, racism, and time delay conspire to wreck my head. At least with my sister there, I feel strength in numbers. Got home eat lasagne nice, went for a walk round the block, without stopping and not even breathless. I messed about with website and stuff, girls went to church, and pathfinders. I stayed up late bit of trouble getting off to sleep. Couldn't use my PC to acess my work account - not good.Got up early (8.30 middle of the night for me). Webbed away the first part of the day till waking a sleeping Ally at 10.30. I need a haircut today so its off to Franks at some point. Left some tidying work and catering to sort. Had a hankering last night for roast potatoes. Contacted by a woman from Bury last night, Tina, she is 10 days pre-op invited her over. It certainly helped me talking to someone before the op. Waiting for an email or call back today. Back to work tomorrow. Eileens dad passed away last week, never easy, no matter what age and whatever circumstances. I will try to make the funeral on Friday.
Have to go the gym later today I think, or tomorrow after work.

Sunday Morning

Well things got busy as they do. I went to the gym. I LOST 9.5LBS THIS WEEK, I was made up big time, I had eaten the most since the op and lost that much weight, and feel great. Fair ran round the gym, done more walking then ever cardiovascular up to 35 minutes. Made up.Had a good natter with Van, he's sports development manager or something, doesn't usually supervise the gym more strategic I think. Anyway his degree is in PE and IT so we had a lot to talk about. He's got a mate who is a Javascript programmer who is going to do me a Body Mass Index calculator (Its a way of calculating how obese you are) developed in 1840. We had a good rant about many subjects under the sun. Got home and was a bit excited about my weight loss, had some covent garden chicken soup, with bread. Something got stuck and I went in to reverse mode and a little barf. Cant help thinking I should have chewed more, also the excitement meant I should have waited. Part of the learning curve said Jean, right as always.
Worked on website and nattered to Mick on MSN messenger. Went to pick mum up from the royal, she dont look well but says she is better. She wanted to go to LIDL a german discount supermarket on London Road. She likes it because its cheap and does good boiled ham. Its a weird place, man with one copy of big issue sat outside, not many white faces inside, and a plethora of weird products. I bought a keyboard and mouse from there before christmas for Ally. The wine range looked and I was taken by their 2.99 cabernet, very nice indeed. Dropped mum off and went to Tesco, nice white middleclass experience, a lot more comfortable,did a little shop. And realised how far apart the Tesco and Lidl worlds are. Hmm. Nothing on telly after the cricket last night till Parky at 10.20, I am getting old, Parky and Radio 2, I'll be buying hush puppies next, and sports casuals. England winning at both rugby and cricket in the same year? weird. Got up late and messed about on PC, paper interesting this morning. Read all about fergie and becks which I hadn't followed during this week. Big night on Corrie tomorrow Tricky Dickie confesses all, at 7.30 there is a documentary on BBC1 about weight loss surgery. Have to record that somehow.Off to see Nanny Banks in Hospital report back later.

Saturday morning part one

York summary.
Most participative holiday I have had for ever. Got right involved and walked for ages (with crutch). Feeling stiff and sore now though. Cottage was great though the cold tap in the kitchen got stuck in the on position, and I had to turn the water on and off at the mains. York is a beautiful city and the area around is great, recommend it to anyone who hasn't been. Though I did suffer tweaks of nausea I didn't barf in anger. I had solid food and tried somethings...toasted teacake with butter, blueberry muffin, covent garden chicken soup,fruit strawberry,kiwi and melon. Spag bol, tagliatelle with ham and mushroom. Sorry it seems the gastroscopy eas a major success. I guess I am feeling now how most people feel 4 weeks post op. By then the majority stop barfing, trust me be to be in the 99th percentile of a normal distribution. Did I mention my statistics O level grade C. Thats the first time I have ever used it.
The holiday did make me realise how impaired my mobility had been, and how much it has improved. Also how much Jean and Ally have had to put up with and miss out on. No more of that I'm in and up for it all now. We got back at lunchtime as Ally had an appointment at the orthodontist, who proposes quite a bit of work. Whilst it will be traumatic, I am sure it will be worth it in the long run. Got back to hundreds of emails, most of it junk, but some good stuff and the wlsinfo is generating traffic.
Visited by Colin, Hannah and Jenny and spouted about how great the holiday was. Then off to town to see D off. He is in the TA and has been called up for the gulf. He seems fairly relaxed about it all, but it made me and several other people shiver. Watching all the crap on the telly about it is one thing but when its people that you know, going off to fight it gets very scary and real. I am well against the war, Bush is a lunatic and Blair is backed into a corner with him, and people like my mate will be lost as a consequence - a mixed bag of feeling. It was a good turnout, alot of old friends there, some very pleased to see me, a few people who didnt recognise me. One girl who was at school with Jean was really interested and made up I had had the op. I sat with Paul, who recently left my employ for a better job. He is a guardian reading left winger like my self (honest) I was relieved he felt the same stuff as me . Mad war, out to support our mate, and we'll have a party when he comes back, and I'll feel as uncomfortable as I did when the Falklands boys returned way back when. My daughter tells me Blue are bringing out an anti war song, haven't we got enough good ones already? MAybe we should send Blue in, that would force saddam into submission, and a lot more environmentally friendly than war.
I am still on the labour party email list despite ripping up my card over student fees at university, they sound out a missive any time tony needs help. He has spoken to some exiled Iraqis and they told him its right. I aint convinced. The other debate last night was who to vote for at the next election - bit of a worry that.
Got home and did a bit of surfing, and website maintenance with the aid of my wlsinfo mate Mick a cockney geezer from swansea. Jane another wls info mate has done a couple of book reviews so that will need posting today, well in Jane. So today, gym for me, haircut and dancing for Ally, girls going swimmin, pick my mum up from hospital and england vPakistan on the telly. Squeeze in some web stuff as well, my computer feels neglected.

Friday night

Been too busy to blog today and too tired now. Will attempt to fully catch up tomorrow.

Post lunch nausea

four little bits of bread with the soup and i feel sick and full. Back to blogging to divert my attention and refocus the brain. Mum is feeling better was the report recieved this morning. Ruth and Paul have gone to New York, Happy birthday ruth and I hope they can find me a cheap pocket PC. if not I'll be buying one next week. dell have brought out a little one that looks the part only 270squid as well, that'll do me. York is a lovely city and lots of street entertainers etc, very touristy but hey I like that. Had a look at wlsinfo the website I have set up and 12 members now registered and good amount of traffic flowing. Read a book on Internet cafes before my dinner, seems they have them everywhere now. Anyway going to get off now and look at the York archy trust thing and chat to my mate mick on msnmessenger

Thursday in york

Back in the cybercafe, 4 hours access for a tenner and usuable in 10 minute blocks, free cup of coffee. So i am made up. What a great time we are having I am walking like a star, and striding out everywhere. Girls are off shopping again after ally relctantly agreed to a day in the country yesterday. we had a bit of a drive and ended up in helmsley, then went to a deserted abbey I'll have to look up the spelling http://www.theheritagetrail.co.uk/abbeys/rievaulx_abbey.htm cant seem to make this into a hyperlink but it was great. Rievaulx abbey set in this valley at the edge of the north york moors. It was quite a moving place, very history. Once them two shoppers have had their retail therapy I am going to try to persuade em to go yorkshire archaeological trust. They will love that going to have some soup now back later

Gonna break for lunch now

Time for a break i wonder how much this has cost.

Cybercaff in York

What a place, Apple Macs. filter coffee, soup, and funky music. My first cybercafe experience phenomenal!! The girls have gone off shopping, and they are going somewhere nice for lunch without me, so they can eat better. I'll have soup in here.
The holiday has started fine, we left yesterday at 11ish and landed at M&S warrington, to stock up on emergency provisions. Eat lunch in the revive cafe, very nice I had my first carrot and coriander soup and bread. I was made up. Chugged along the motorway, stopped at services and had a large americano with sugar in. Got to flaxton, a pretty village and had to pick the keys up. Cottage (bungalow) on its own in the middle of nowhere, no houses for about half a mile. Saw a wild rabbit in the garden, so like saddos we stood mouths agape. In the visitors book someone wrote they saw a badger in the garden. Then this morning there were two pheasant/grouse type creatures in the main field. Its like a BBC2 documentary.
We went to tesco yesterday evening for petrol and coal and logs. made up with my increased mobility. Then back home for real fire and watching telly. Monday is not bad especially for soaps.
Great to stay in a place and not get worried about being stuck in bath or breaking chairs. Feel fantastic, OK I know I am a little manic but that beats depressed any day of the week. Rang home mum feeling better she's been to the docs and got antibiotics, and Nanny Banks is getting released today.
I am gonna write some postcards and just chill. Then a bit of shopping and off to pics tonight to see the Two Towers. Have to call at some shops and get a paper as well.

Monday morning

exciement mounts holiday draws near. Lobster and prawn all stayed in the appropriate place, and feeling tops. Printed out some photos of Olive the housekeeper in the MAtchworks, sent em in by post so Gail when Olive recieves them please explain. I also realised I have lost the gift of handwriting, so she wont be able to read the scrawled note. The weight loss world is getting interesting. My new chum Mick has been banned from a discussion board, I may well walk out in a display of solidarity.
All go here, rarin for the off. Will attempt to find a cyber cafe in York and update later in the week

Sunday evening

Last nights parties - a game of two halves, first over to Irby on the Wirral For Simons 40th. Me driving the big red bus, Paul navigating and Ruth and Jean chillin in the back. Found it ok, funny place locked door, buzz for access only two guys on security. Women only allowed in the Lounge. Very cheap drinks though and the reception area is plastered with minor celebs publicity shots, very phoenix nights. No talking when artistes are on sign.Met David and Jill there him looking strangely young (40 next year I believe). Nuts in bowls on tables, I felt like a peanut, or rather a big bag of peanuts. The drinks was a funny thing I aint seen for years. The spirits came in miniature bottles which hold 2.5 measures. Even those who remember me in full on drinking mode will vouch that these are a surefire way to end up bevvied very quickly. Responsible for many lost nights in the Winwick Hospital social club where I spent my formative years. Angie, Si's wife showed her extensive blog knowledge by asking how my Nanny Banks is. SI's mum and dad where there too, Simon and his dad are living proof of genetics, more like clones than anything (Apologies if I just upset anyone, I meant it in a nice way). Buffet looked good, and met Gibbo and his wife, Gibbo used to be in the boys brigade with me and Si. I haven't seen him since I got married, you've put on wieght he said.
Left there and bombed back to Sefon Park Conservative club, (Conservative in name only, any political affiliation died out years ago). Entered through the main door to see the singer crooning away, oh no Phoenix nights again. This was Marvin Maggots party aka John the youngest son of Hazel and Dave, fine old friends. Quite a few people who haven't seen me since the op so a few double takes and I was even ignored by two people who obviously didnt recognise me. Sat with Ruth ruth paul jean tommy phil and alan. They all got off fairly early but Jean and I stayed a while. Had a dance and a few glasses of redwine, and three bottles of water. nice buffet there too. I had some milk.
Got up late and went to see Nanny Banks in the Royal. She is sharing a room with three confused ladies and two other in full possession of faculties. The confused people were wandering round interfering looking physically sstrong. The people with their faculties were all frail.and mostly chairbound. Nanny was distressed, the confusion gets worse at night and she wants out. I went to have a chat to the ward sister about her. She is waiting for a doppler test, but they can do it as an outpatient, what about home they said, well the house is a death trap, she should be in residential care but wont go. She has reluctantly agreed to stay till tomoorow and see a doc, and increasse her care package to include an evening visit. Mum looked iller than Nanny and we should have too kNanny home and left mum in her place.
Picked my car up on way home and called at new bookstore in Speke, cant remember the name? Big place very impressed, and a starbucks in there too, got some american computer magazines, kewl. Lobster and prawn crepes for tea yum yum.

Saturday Afternoon

Bright and cheerful today, the weather and me too. Just got back from the gym lost nearly seven pound since Monday. Thats 11stone 2 lost, I feel good. Contacted by tina from Leeds who runs a support group in one of the hospitals there, she's a nurse and hoping to do some collaborative work. Sounds good. Cardiovascular exercise up to thirty three minutes.
LAst night visited by Jenny and her dad Phil gave Jenny a lift back to the station after the funeral, Jean went the crem, but I was avoiding it so stayed at work. On the way to work I saw my good friend Cozzie he's the cook at the bridge chapel. Topman to boot.
Spoke to Mickey Browne today, booking tickets for yes and Jools Holland at the summer pops. Should be good.

Friday morning

Only a little barf last night no serious side effects and eating ok this morning. I am going into work just so I can say I have been there every day this week. Which feels a bit normal, have to go the gym after that so a few hours onl. Discovered on the way home last night I can eat bananas. Might stop this 3 oclock dip I have beeen experiencing.

Thursday night

Had a call from Mick WLS friend who has lost eight stone. Set off for work meeting with auditor decent guy with ok sense of humour. Lunched then off to Hammy Productive time with Caroline and Fran.
Got home had mince and pasta, barfed a bit - we don't like that. Watched ER on E4 chatted to other WLSers on bgab

Thursday am

Work went wellish, got a bit tired towards the end, there seems such a lot to do and my energy reserves seem so low. Had a talk with Heather from days in mental health a long time ago. I immersed myself fully in the mental health experience, so much so I got severe depression, which still lingers in the background. I think I am a better person/manager for the experience. It has certainly helped to recognise and acknowledge when other bods are suffering. Anyone reading this who thinks it contains coded messages for them, should know me better. I don't do coded messages I only straight up front stuff. And YOU are probabaly paranoid, I certainly am. Didn't make the gym decided I could n't do everything so went home and went to bed. (After a dose of health giving buildup). Felt better on waking then bugged round getting ready for the quiz. We came second - we beat our main rivals (the team I usually play for), and that is what counts. After dropping everyone off I went to Tesco at ten past 12, how sad is that. I had to buy some cereal, the breakfast situation had got dire here. Hence the strawberry yoghurt fiasco yesterday. Cornflakes on board I am heading for a meeting with an auditor at the matchworks, this morning then off to see Fran at Hamilton House later. Need to fit a gym visit and nutrition in along the way. Got my book from obesityhelp.com this morning, called making the journey togetherits a collection of patient experiences only cost 10 dollars P&P inc. Right onward and upward.

Wednesday still on the up

Got to the conference for 10ish felt a bit ropey but soon perked up. Good atmosphere at the conference, good speakers, it taught me quite a lot about making health information accessible for people with impairments. Talk about accessible conferences they had a mike wired up to a loop system, two signers, two lip speakers and a guy transposing everything saud and projecting it on to a really easy to read screen. Some points about written info which should be obvious but aren't. They had a guy from Surrey who talked about accessibility - and how jargon is crap. He used real examples to illustrate. Laurence and Steve gave good value for money, met Lily Hopkins again she used to give me a hard time when she was chair of the Community Health Council. She is now chair of North Liverpool Primary Care Trust - doesnt fit into the usual stereotype of white, middle class, retired, or political appointee that abounds in the non-exec role(though it is getting better). Had a good day(till three) saw Gail and Sandra from South, Anita from Mosaic and quite a few people who clearly knew me but I wasn't sure who they were. Visited in the evening by Dave and Hazel, had a raucous good laugh. Their youngest (who I think is about 8) is 21 on Saturday. So we'll be busy, Simon (of bypass and Angie fame) is having a party same night. So over to Irby (over the water) and then back to the Con club for a stay behind. Friday is Mabels funeral, a lady who was 90+ from our old church. Don't know if I'll be going. Today then, got up late need to breakfast though the choices seem limited - I am a bit sick of tinned pears. Off to a meeting with Martin at 11.30 a GP in Garston. Need to go into work and get a gym visit in as well. Tonight our quiz team is making its first visit to Winwick. Jean, Ruth, Colin Paul and me who had regular outings pre-op at the cricket club are looking for a new gig. We are called the F&T's a well balanced team (or we used to be until I lost my memory). The girls are good at popular culture, films, Paul is a scientist, Colin is a sports and history bod. I just remember some daft things - or used to we'll see. My knowledge of seventies music and TV is sad in the extreme. Looking forward to it.

Tuesday am

Up early feeling good, ingesting a tinned pear now for breakfast, feeling full better stop. Due at a conference today at Anfield organised by Laurence Clark a good geezer who is a mate of mine. Said I wouldn't make all day but would make a guest slot at some time. Thats how it is, I hate being unreliable but - its all on the day. I felt great 5 mins ago but that pear is starting to fight back. Also worried about the sloppy diet provision at Anfield might have to nip out anf find a soup kitchen. Generally the rule is no work before 10.30 -11 but hell that could change, I am still on the up. Posted something for a friend on GP-UK and had a really nice message of personal support from the list owner. Generally on the up still.

Monday evening

Who would have thought things could get better. Discovered one of our neighboursis doing drop off pick up ironing service. 20 items for a tenner. Yahoo good on ya lets have some of that -he is coming at 6.15 to pick up the first load. More feedback later. Wandered into work and felt strangely good. Busy on the email front lot of stuff to clear. Then its off to the gym and and then pick Ally and the girls up. Heinz ravioli in a tin tonight. Yahoo - solidish food. Part two of Second coming tonight at nine.Things are looking up

Monday Morning

Up fairly effortlessly before 8 - still feeling good. Whats going on, like the eternal pessimist I keep waiting for thegood weather to break instead of enjoying the warm spell. Yesterday was good. Mooched about and went tosee Nanny Banks in hospital. She is on ward 2X at the Royal a ward I used to work on. None of the family seem to have a clue what's going on with her, I offered to speak to the staff but this was declined - I aint sure why. The hoped for comedy seam did not materialise, mainly as thepresence of mother grandmother and other people leads to multiple conversations all occurring simultaneously. Headache on return. Upgraded TV package to Skysports for the duration of the cricket world cup. Watched the end of the W.Indies v South Africa game - great to see the W.Indies win. Upgrading TV resulted in loss of broadband service so I was on the phone for an hour around midnight. Watched a program called the second coming starring Christopher Ecclestone, weird but strangely watchable.

Sunday morning

Two good days in a row - whats going on. I was first up this morning and took the girls driks in bed? Yesterday visited by Archie and Ali Lee. what a good time that child is great, he is only 13 months but we get on well, same level as me Jean says. Went to the local Somerfield and stocked up on emergency goods pending Tesco home delivery this pm. Made some chicken stock which I will turn into soup for today, and freeze some to take to work. Started to watch west wing last night but hadn't seen it before, so switched it off then watched CSI:Miami which was ok till the fellers face blew off and Ally said turn it off. So we resorted to a Tivo'd version of NYPD blue and then the DVD of the Old Grey Whistle test I got for my birthday. Did a lot of work on The new weight loss support site.

Saturday am

After the rant and scope I felt better. Yesterday was one good day, plenty to eat still sloppy but feeling good. Top workout at gym. But high in mood if anything relief at getting out of hospital with a clean bill of health was enormous. Ally still coughing and Jean sounds terrible, yesterday I was not the sickest person in the house. Getting a buzz from www.wlsinfo.org.uk site, getting very positive vibes. Also found another support site www.bgab.co.uk Big girls are best - if they are why are they talking about weight loss surgery?? I wrote an email to the Webmistress, apologising coz I thought we had setup the first UK site. She was really sound about it and there is room for plenty more support. On the family note Nanny Banks still in the Royal, but this makes mum feel better as she knows she is looking after her. I am going to visit her tomorrow so hoping to strike a rich comedy seam.

Friday Morning

Oh yesterday - another bad day. Started before 7am - not good but at least being nil bymouth I had no worries about getting breakfast in. Doctor said I needed to be there between 7.30 and 8am . So Jean called a taxi at 7.30 and we veritably flew to Aintree, 10 quid for the ride but no worries. Arrived cheerfully at the ward and allocated a bed in room 4. Pleased to see both Wigan and Gallman already in situ, Wiganman got into the bed at 6pm last night. Asked some questions by really nice nurse all the usual about makeup, crowns and false limbs. Tried to refrain from making quips that she had heard a thousand times, but couldn't resist and got her with two she said she hadnt heard before and she appeared to be amused. Interupted by Specialist Registrar, with two students in tow. This is Mr Clare - He had a Vertical banded gastroplasty in september and has now started to put on weight, ER NO I INTERRUPTED, I HAD A ROUX EN Y AND HAVE BEEN BARFFING SINCE, AND I HAVE LOST 10 ST 9LBS AND GAINED LESS THAN A KILO IN THE LAST WEEK. As soon as the words uttered from these innocent lips I knew I had made a grave error.Contradicting him in front of med students was a major war crime. He promised to draw them a diagram later (probably of the M25 I thought but somehow managed to restrain from saying it), I was second on the list so be expecting about 10am. Cool I thought, I had deliberately travelled light one carrier bag containing only a guardian couple of mags and a book about weight loss. Still the mental clock told me I could be home about 2pm worst case scenario - not bad. Met George in next bad what you in for I asked, "removal of pollack from up my arse," side effect from cancer a few years ago. Unlikely that a pelagic fish was resting there I suggested "polyp," thats the word he said. Turns out 88 year old George was going to be the saviour of my stay, his acute Liverpool wit was in top form, and his stories from the war were crackers. I spoke to him for over an hour, he was at Dunkirk in WW2 and ended up in bomb disposal. A great bloke, riddled with cancer but cracking funnies and flirting with the nurses like a good un. On the other side was a man who seemed to have a pair of pigs trotters grafted on to his feet, didnt look good and well sore I thought. Turns out he was to be "double bunion man." 9.30 approached time to strip off and don my ill fitting theatre gown. Despite the rapid weight loss there was still a six inch shortfall at the back. Having read about this on some weight loss site I asked for another gown and wore that back to front. Dignity preserved I went ( wearing two gowns and approved pure cotton boxers) for my last pee. Came back to my chair and duly went into hyperpanic mode.
Now let me explain, I was frightened of the bypass op, but this was nowt I have had two gastroscopies in the past and seen several inflicted on people over the years. Hailed as a miracle of diagnostics, I was still not keen. Swalling that ominous black looking thing while being told to relax was not for me, and have I mentioned the gag reflex, put your fingers down your throat and gag, mine is really good, especially trained up after all this vomitting. Warning bells were starting to clang, fight or flight, they call it. I sat there suffering for hours silently, looked at the clock and its twenty five to ten.Still the breakfast that a couple of lads had looked awful and I wasnt bothered I read the Guardian cover to cover all three sections. Looked at clock twenty to ten, Decided to have some sport, wigan and gall were both daily mail men (see yesterday) but I had todays newspaper. Would you like to see it, they took it in good stead, there was an article about Jamie bulgers killers suggesting they should never have gone down for it. I waited and waited and waited.........................................................................................................
Dinner time came too that looked ok, sandwiches soup and pud. 2pm I asked nice nurse what was going on, yup I was second on thelist but the Doc shouldnt have given you a time. Maybe the first case turned out complex, fair doos.
3 o'clock asked other nurse, I'll ring theatre she said complex case on the table running late fair doos.
Teatime spoke to Jean, I had gone to sit at the nurses station as the food was making me sick. I said after consultation come in at 8 and bring a bag for the night stay or take me home.
6 came and went - Exgall man returned from theatre, porter lady said I'll change the trolley bedding then I am taking you down . result, I had to be restrained for jumping on staright away.
Downhill push till theatre, thought this will be bad coming back. Got to waiting area - 8 hour wait had helped settle my anxiety. Clearly some cock up as they said you shouldnt be here yet - I looked for something to chain the trolley to - I aint going nowhere.
Mr K the surgeon turns up and apologises, explains the scope cleaner had broke this morning got it fixed this affy. So they rearranged the list and and put big case on first. Mr K had told someone to ring the wards of me and the other guy who seemed to be having a similar thing done, to say it would be after 6 and we could drink till 12. Message never got through, was I fed up. While I was able to sit at the nurses station, the staff had looked at the hospital intranet, to see in real time the menu in the staff canteen, they can see where prescriptions are up to in pharmacy why arent the theatre lists on line?????????? With patents name procedure and status - pending - in progress, on ward totally bewildered etc. You cannot blame the Docs and nurses clearly someone needs to manage this it was a mess.
The two nurses who waited with me in theatre were the best great at conversing and relaxing me turns out they were D grades (lowest qualified in theatre), promote them immediatly they could see all the problems. They had the solutions but nobody seemed to ask them. The clinical care was faultless, as ever. I told Mr K I was terrified and wanted a big slug of some drug. We had a chat about the website and to be honest I was so strung out I cant remember much. Other man went first i spoke to nurse which reassured me (or at least diverted me).
Wheeled in, bg slug of drug and spray into back of throat, spray tastes of rotten bananas, says Mr K and something else, oh and petrol says he's right, another flambe dessert idea.
Wake up in recovery, had a stretch I think no ulcers, good see him soon. Can stay or go home. Up to me (and Jean I thought) Saw Dr Shearer the anaesthetist from bypass I think but could have been a near death experience - that was good stuff. Run back up hill to ward, cant have been easy. Straight to chair and got dressed, still drunk. Need a pee and a drink before you can go said nurses. Fair doos. Drink, water milk, pee, Jean arrives walk round the ward. DO you think I am fit love? Yes Can I go nurse? I am gone fall asleep in the car, pick Ally up from somwhere watch ER??? fall asleep go to bed wake up with sore throat.
Overall feeling relief - I survived the system Ken 2 Aintree 0.

Thursday

Bad day - not sure what to write

Wednesday later

Day started off bad - blizzard conditions and early rise. Got to Aintree 10 mins late. Reported to admissions room, and handed in my slip of paper. Which consisted of several questions, the answers to which were all contained in the letter they sent with said admission slip. What was this then - a literacy test. The lady took it off me and checked the details all without a word. She then gave me garbled directions to ward 61, to be fair the admissions office was in crisis, the printer had just gone down (been unplugged) and the kettle was broke. Pleased with the return of the printer to working status she now gave me a new admission slip (3 copies of same info). There was a desk labelled PALS in the reception, where I would have commented but I was Billy-no-mates. Trekked to ward 61, with heavy bag. Rabbit warren of a place full of very ill looking people (last legs type stuff). The nurses were in some sort of meeting, all sat round drinking tea, they told me to go and wait in the dayroom.The description and directions were poor, it was actually a cupboard, with an artificial plant and several chairs. There was a nice couple who had arrived half an hour early (he waiting for gall bladder out). We were then joined by a couple from Wigan, who had clearly suffered at the hands of Wigan Hospitals inc. He had been told that he had inoperable cancer of the common bile duct (pancreas type area). A chance comment had led to him being referred to Aintree where it was now operable. We had since been joined by a fourth patient. He had worse cancer than the first guy and he used to be a docker. There then followed a rapid exchange of which of their offal was being removed, each upping the other one in every one. Mr Docker won when he reported his wife had died from cancer last year. Neither of them were impressed with plain old ordinary gall bladder chap so I was rather nervous when they asked what I was in for. I was tempted just to show my scar and claim full offal removal, but I came clean and no one was impressed. We had a great discussion for about two hours covering all subjects. Punctuated by 2 trays of tea. About 11.30 Sister came to inform us there were no beds, but she was working on it. To be fair we had a good old natter and the time flew. Subjects included War, asylum seekers, pubs, Michael Jackson. Docker didn't take a daily paper, wigan and gallman were daily mail readers, kept my pinko guardian in my bag.
Another sister appeared and claimed gall man and me. We were off to ward one. I became alarmed at the signs reading department of reproductive medicine, gynae assessment and "what are polycystic ovaries." Clearly that was the first stage when entered ENT land, people with strange nose bandages, at the end of the corridor was our destination - odds and sods quick turnaround. Take a seat in the dayroom, cupboard with window and telly, gall man was whisked off. We were soon joined by Wigan man and lunch. There were about seven other people clearly waiting for beds. Lunch was some ice cream after a lengthy discussion about diets with the hostess. Whisked off by sister to clerk me in. Need to see a doc she said, it looks busy I said I don't mind doing what needs doing then sleeping at home. She said all of you are doing that anyway. Back to day room were everyone was reading the daily mail, its getting worse. Doctor appears explains what I was having done quite well and got me to sign the form. Can I go now sister? No you need to have blood taken . Fair enuff, join queue of seven. Can I go now sister, no you need to see junior doc. And that will be when - an hour or so...ok so off to Sefton suite where I had the op to see the staff. And a guy waiting for the op that day - he was nervous, I had a good natter with him I hope it was useful. Staff dead impressed with weight loss. Ward one rang to say I was needed back to see doc. Arrived back saw doc an hour later. Can I go now sister - no you need ECG. Surely this could be done better, one of the women waiting was ready to freak out - if this was France there would be riots she said. Cant we get primary and secondary care sorted better to waste less of my time? Called in to see B bypass patient on Sefton suite 1 week post op and going home tomorrow, had a good natter and hope it helped her - certainly helped me. Picked up by Jean and Ally. Back home feeling goosed and a bit like things were so bad in the NHS..

Wednesday teatime

GRRRRR back at home, wasted day at Aintree no beds, go back tomorrow at 7.30. Bit frustrated and narked at the moment. Will tell more later.

Wednesday

Hit the matchworks yesterday, all went well came home and went to bed.Cars nearly sorted. Had some wine to counteract extreme nerves at thought of entering hospital system. Woke extremely early and ready to go by 8.15. Got weighed at the gym and I have put on a kilo, no probs as I have been stuffing things in like a pig. The world has a light dusting of white this am and all set for admission. Ally is geared up to blog tonight for me. See you soon

Tuesday 10am

Got to sleep after 4, woke at 9.45, now medicating. ingesting calories and abluting and putting on a brave face before hitting the Matchworks.

Tuesday in the wee small hours

Slept fitfully till lunchtime disturbed by Ally and Jean, both sent home of of URTI. Idled on the computer tried to work but felt rough. Watch out for the diarrhoea the dietitian said, you know this milky diet. Well it arrived today, kick a man when he is down or what. Flapping about going in to hospital big time. Had to drive to Royal Hospital to pick mum up, Nanny Banks has been admitted, well left on a trolley with suspected DVT and cellulitis. I had to drive Jeans car. People who know me in person will know I drive a bariatric car. A ford Galaxy people carrier. Jean drives a fiesta their dinkiest of cars, except for the KA. I felt like a jumbo jet pilot in a single seat propellor aircraft, and so close to the ground. All the rest of the traffic was big and scary especially the people carriers. Nanny is settled(on her trolley for a change), mum is settled, someone else is looking after Nanny.The girls sound rough, I am hovering near the toilet wondering which end of me will rebel first. Feeling weak.... Oh and going to work tomorrow at 10am alledgedly. Start the meeting without me I'll be in when I come round. I have to go though and doing some interviews with Sam, Didn't want to miss the team meeting though. Feel guilty after being so well for the party, and worried about what will go on in hospital. Funny how problems seem bigger in the wee small hours.

Monday am

Got up at an unearthly hour to drop car off at bodyshop. Feel nearly dead - going back to bed. May post more later, if I survive.

Sunday

Tired went out for lunch (soup and ice cream) did a bit of work on wlsinfo website. Not up for much.

Saturday Night

Legs and back still stiff from dancing. Got some great presents, and went off to Speke retail park to spend vouchers. Got DVD's of The Old Grey Whistle test and a documentary about Hadfield - home tothe league of gentlemen. Some books and a cracking guide to Frontpage 2002. Just playing with it now, tired early night for us all I think

Saturday Morning - Happy new year

A very good night last night - started off jittery if people would turn up but got better. I was more relaxed than ever. The red wine helped, I was even caught dancing (an activity which in previous years I really enjoyed). Can't hardly walk this morning though. Few no shows (but there always is), some late arrivals from Sefton/Hammy house who had been out on the pop in town. Bar still serving at 2 only diehards left then though. Good representation from the matchworks, Maghull, Hammy House, and even some faces from Mental Health days. Good representation from Jeans side of the family and Grandma looked like she had a good time. Bob Clare my cousin who looks more like my dad than I do and his wiife June made an appearance. The poor family support was probably down to my tardiness in organising/inviting people. Still never mind, all present seemed to have a good time, the disco was considerably better than last year and there were plenty up to dance. I took some photos and I'll post them somewhere later. Bit tired and stiff this morning.

Friday the day after Allys birthday and the night of the party

Woke up just after 12 feeling terrible. No energy at all. I have to make an effort to get up and go in to work. Awoke to the news of my call up papers for the hospital next week. Rang to confirm I will be turning up 9 am on Wednesday. Seems I'll be going to theatre onThursday as there is no advice about starving. Ward 61, still in with both feet. Went to work had a peach sundae for lunch felt sick did a little and tried to sort out ordering my car. Off to High and Mighty, clothes for big and tall men in Liverpool. I stpped going there a few years ago when I got too big. They max out at a 4X - I was into 7X from sizedwell on the net. Today I was measured and I am a 3X. Not much choice as its the penultimate day of the sale. Still picked up two shirts and got a further 9 quid off them. Back home stopping at taste good a local chippy/chinese take away for some soup. The lady who runs the shop is really nice and was impressed with my weight loss. Prior to surgery I used to call there for Dim Sum after a work out at the gym. Saw Paul J a Doc I did somework with over the last couple of years. He was shocked by the change. Got an email from a guy asking about bariatric surgery, got a quick reply of and pointed him to some sources. Party nerves start to kick in, always wonder at this time how many people will turn up. I hope everything goes well. Ally is off to a school Disco and has opted to stay at Lizzies house ovenight. The original plan was back to theparty and then to Nannas.

Thursday Ally's Birthday

Up at 6.45 to celebrate birthday open prezzies etc. Back to bed by 7.45 eventually crawled out of the pit at 2pm. I am well bushed - definitely more awake of an early evening. Limited my exercise to gentle exercise and web surfing. Family coming round tonight or birthday cake and prezzies etc. Work still progressing on wlsinfo. Going into work tomorrow for a couple of hours at least.

Wednesday

Car got vandalised outside Garston Hospital last night, mirror broken - gits. I shall complain to the management. Mum got her feet done and was walking better as a result. I did a lot of tinkering with the website last night. Also ordered some books from USA round weight loss surgery. Slept in late - got up did some work breakfasted and went back to bed no energy. Felt dog rough eat several things -more than usual. Got a note from Hilda who sent my book back - got the idea of setting up a little library for prospective patients going to talk to the library and the PALS (whatever that is).
Tired and weary but eating like a horse Ally's birthday tomorrow - means an early start

Tuesday evening

Morning started bad, couldn't get up had to pick Jane up at the top of the road at 10.20. The weather had gone barmy, hailstones and mad wind. Needed to get some petrol as the warning light had been flashing at me. Got to North PCT for the Virtual Training Team meeting. Dave, Jane, Rose, Kate and Terry, a fine bunch a group with loads of potential. Did a bit of a churchillian speech about whats going on in the bigger picture - might have sounded a bit mad -I am sure I was hypoglycaemic. Still some things needed saying. There will be a lot of developments in health informatics in the coming months. Left late got to the dietitian late - dont like being late. I was impressed with Jenny. We have decided to continue to try to Max the calorie intake until my scope next week. Messages were clear back to six small high cal snacks a day. Even on a good day I haven't been eating enough. She said a lot of things I am experiencing are classic signs of starvation. She was also surprised I was doing so much on so little intake. Agreed I need to cut that down and restrucutre the day. Avoid this early morning rush stuff. Booked to see her after the scope and come up with a plan for restarting real food. Felt good, went to Sainsburys across the road from the hospital bought some high cal snax. Got home felt goosed and off to bed. Didnt sleep but tried to rest. Picked mum up to take her for her chiropody appointment, 6.30 at night what is that about? Must ask the chirpody boss at work.

Tuesday

Been to a meeting and to the dietitian - too tired to write anything. Cancelled afternoon appt and going to sleep now. Eat more do less she said.

Ally's random contribuition- 2003

Oi Dad i'm not impressed by the lack of mentioning of my birthday!!! Thursday, incase any of you knowledge deprived people were wondering.

Monday

Tortured by computer problems last night, access to the net went down several times and progress was not made as I would have liked. Still there is something up there to see. Got up early and opened birthday presents. Got loads what a pile of stuff. Books DVD's, socks sweets, port toothbrush and radox. What a delight. As soon as the girls went to to work I was back off to sleep. I was exhausted, Jean phoned from work several times to wake me up. I was finding it impossible to rouse myself. Guts were not best today. Popped into the Matchworks picked some stuff up and then off to Childwall for interviews. Dog tired when I finished then home and straight to bed not enough energy today. Jean found me impossible to rouse when she got in. Usually we would be out for a meal and have a great time. Instead we got a chinese takeaway and I had a great bowl of crab and sweetcorn soup. A couple of drinks of red wine for me tonight and off to the dietitian tomorrow. Scope next wednesday or thursday and hopefully I will be sorted out.

Sunday

No website work done yesterday too busy messing around. Had a good workout got weighed and have lost less than a kilo so I guess thats good news. Out for picking up the party folk at 4.30, met with Jean and her gang at the cinema, tickets prebooked on the net were ready for collection. Coke and popcorn and few sweets cost 29 quid. Film was more fun than I thought it would be and my back was not in pain at all. I think I enjoyed it, had a small tub of Haagen Daaz vanilla and a bottle of water. Checked out Arbuckles American style diner which the kids really like. I had a knickerbocker glory - removed cream and marshmallows and just eat the ice cream. Very good value and all home by quarter past ten.
Late sleepin Sunday, very tired, visited by Ally, Paul and Archie. What a hoot that Archie boy is. Good few hours spent in a lot holiday talk. They are in Normandy the same time we are in Brittany so much in common. Passed on some of our Normandy tourist stuff as well. Email from Marta in States yesterday she sounds good. Several emails to respond to now, tax form to complete car to pick and website to launch, busy busy busy.

Saturday

Late rise, nutrition then gym. Off to the 5.30 showing of Chicago at the cinema then arbuckles for 7.45. Website work in between. Busy day, did I mention its my Birthday on Monday?

Fridays report

Jean says whats to discuss, and she's right I am up for the Gastroscopy. Friday morning started at 7.20, in the dark. Off to peoples to get the car serviced, MOT'd and a quote for some bodywork. John Mc picked me up outside there at 8.20. Breakfast and medication in Hammy House, a meeting about Training with Tony Paul and Adam. Taxi back to the matchworks and engage in more light duties and a chocolate mousse. Jean picked me up at 3.30 for the return trip to peoples. fifty quid for the wheel trims, MOT passed and 500 quid quote for the bodywork , I should have got it done on the insurance when it happened, doh.
Went to Childwall picked up Sam Paul and Jayne and off to the Atrium in town for Pauls leaving party. What a crap pub! Very young person. Gave some of them a lift to the Shere Khan indian restaurant for the next part of the night then shot off home. Usual Friday bash at Jeans Mums and home to chill. Realised we hadn't booked tickets for the cinema or restaurant for Allys party. OOPs, cinema OK, but restaurant full. Got a table in Arbukles, I had boycotted it when it was called Fatty Arbuckles but feel the name change was sufficient response to my protest. I was always worried about the waitress showing me to my table and saying...this way Mr Arbuckle. Hope they do soup but I doubt it. Got an email from Hilda who had the op last week she sounds great. Got to get my act together and polish up the weightloss website for Monday. It will be work in progres for a few weeks yet, constantly evolving etc. Had some red wine to cope with the rigours of the day, very pleasant.

Thursday Morning

Slept well and got up at 9.45. Tired but up for it. Seeing Veronica today for a bit of personal development planning, she is coming round here as there is nowhere privateto talk at childwall. Just got the Bryan Ferry tickets for Ruth and Jean they will be made up, he is on at the Phil in March. Not really my scene but never mind. Lorraine Mr K's secretary rang, he is on his way to the states for 4 days. Just wanted to let me know that he is happy with the website and will secure sponsorship. Also to let me know that I am listed for gullet stretching on 6th Feb. Gastroscopy and dilatation sounds preferable to me. Hmmm. The way I have been barfing aint good, this liquid diet aint good, and it can't go on. but I have had two gastroscopies in the past and they are the pits. Still if they give me a GA or enough valium that I can't feel or remember anything I am up for it. It involves an overnight stay apparently, not keen on that either. I will have to talk it through with Jean tonight but at face value it seems the right thing to do. Mild panic has set in - just when things were going well (though I really know that they weren't

Wednesday

Terrible sleep last night and woke up late. Made a meeting with Caroline an hour late, saw Dave about training and then met Paul Turner my equivalent from North PCT. Met a few people rond the building and all seemed shocked with weight loss and appearance. I had a discussion with someone who related the views of her friend, who feels that that weight loss surgery, is good for the individual but the money could be spent elsewhere for better benefit to the community. Wouldn't matter but this women is something in public health. I suppose there is more than one side to every story. Made me think though. Very low calorie intake today and felt a bit ropey. Got some work cleared and have a new enthusiasm for the job.

Tuesday night

Been to work early today. Did a presentation with Sam to the Primary Care Directorate. She is a star. My sense of humour wasn't quite in tune, I think it needs a bit of tweaking. Once we got into it it went well. Then it was off to Blackburne House for a conference. Met the Chief Information Officer for the strategic health authority Paul. He seems decent enough. It was all about how we will spend the load of dosh the govt will give us next year - unless they are buying munitions to trash a country thats already been trashed. I aint keen on this war stuff, caught a really good satire programme about it last night. It wont be funny when the killing starts. Going to try for a relatively early night tonight. Business cards for the new website arrived today, I'll have to send em to Mr K. Good to see the same faces at the Blackburne House today. Sorted out catering for the party tonight, all booked no cake needed.

Oasis

Just rang the Coca Cola customer careline. Bloggers will recall on Saturday I drank some Oasis summer fruits. No food value on side, Summer fruits comes in at a scandalous 41cals per 100mls thats 200cals a bottle - no more for me I am afraid. The citrus punch is 43 per 100. Aint weight loss sad, once again its nice so musnt be allowed instinct worked.

Monday AM

No work today - cept clearing emails from home. Had a lousy nights sleep, troubled with what my GP describes as prozac dreams. Graphic three D surround sound affairs with bizarre storylines. Jean left me sleeping and rang after nine to get me up - no way. Then Cheryl from work rang at 10 to say she and Steve have bought the house three doors up from here. Firing on only 2 out of 6 cylinders this morning. Not helped by the fact the glass exploded when I was mixing my buildup drink. Got to gym, and haircut this pm. Also a presentation to write for tomorrow morning. and a web site to sort busy busy busy. Back feeling better though.

Sunday Morning

Woke relatively early at 10.30. Felt good when I woke up, drinking build-up soon put that right. Feel guilty as Jean has to do all the cooking for the lunch, her mum, Alan ruth and Paul are coming. Roast beef, gratin dauphinoise, ratatouille and eton mess. Soup and ice cream for me I think. The strong smells of onion andgarlic really knock mey stomach off. I'm trying to be of use by keeping out of the way and going to pick Ruth and Paul up from Church. Back feels pretty good - Frank as usual is spot on with his plan. Got weighed yesterday lost 5lbs in a week, lost the bit of paper with the details on so need to find it and update chart. Need to get to grips with WLSInfo.org.uk over the next few days, launch planned for 27th Jan (my birthday).Can't go out for a meal so we might as well launch a website instead. Couldn't find anything on the web about the calorific value of Oasis - not a good sign - but a nice drink.

Saturday night

I was Thirsty when taking my mum home so I stopped in the newsagents by her and bought a bottle of oasis summer fruits. It was great, but did not contain details of food value etc so must be disalllowed. I will check later.

Saturday

Dog tired yesterday after work, avoided the temptation to go to sleep. Went to mother in laws, after first picking up Ruth and Paul whose car has died. Went to Tesco with them after and got myself down looking at all the things I can't eat. Got some flowers for Jean and OK magazine for Al. Took some diazepam to relax my back and it seems to have worked feeling a lot better today. Didn't get out of bed till 12.30, and felt pretty nauseous after my breakfast build-up. Eventually got myself together and went to the gym. Lost another 2.5kg (in a week) had a good workout, showered and went off to pick my mother up. NannyBanks has got really bad celluilitis and is taking antibiotics.
Rang the Hospital to see how H was (had op on wednesday) she had gone home, obviously they wouldnt tell me what the score was and I was worried she had done a runner or worse still been cancelled. 30 minutes later she rang me with the great news that she had been done laprascopicallyand was as at home today. She sounded great, and I was dead impressed with her willingness to become only the second patient Mr K had done. All the outcomes for laprascopic surgery seem better than the open type. I was overjoyed for her she sounded great.
Ally will be pleased too, she has been out today, to Hannah J's party. Off in a limousine to Caesars palace and then back to Hannahs. I would like to go somewhere in a stretch limo must be an experience.

Friday morning.

Exhausted at work yesterday, fell asleep on the toilet, don't think I was there long but, it felt like too long. Took some milk headed home. Fell straight asleep when I got in and perked up after 2 hourskip. I slept in a bit this morning and felt pretty good on waking up. The build up drink is less nauseaous now but still a challenge. Jean has gone to town shopping for birthday prezzies I am moping around before going in to a meeting at Childwall at 2pm. Still more party invites to sort and lots of things to do.

Thursday morning

Sent out the invite to the party with no date on it Friday 31/01/03 for anyone who needs to know. Didnt realise two stone of the weight loss was off my brain. Doh!

Thursday

Went to a quiz last night and won! I also won some chocolate walnuts in the raffle - which I was quick to give away. Felt energised by the social side, though a bit frustrated at my recall ability. In to work today for another short day - I was up early again 8.15, and now sorting breakfast pills etc. Wonder how H is after her op last night. Started sending out party invites, but will no doubt forget some people and cause a fuss.Must write to college today and tell them I have another sick note. Yum yum chocolate build up for brekkers.

Wednesday Evening

Colin came round last night and we attempted to sort out our summer holiday. Me Jean Ally, Colin, Jenny and Hannah. Found a cool looking place on Brittany Ferries site near the coast. Ferry is proving difficult though. Cricket club is available for the 31st though , in a different room - should be a bit more atmospheric (smaller). Must confirm that tonight. If you are reading this and think you should have been invited then let me know by phone or email and I'll sort it.
Today started early 8.15 abluted then dashed to the doctors before brekkie. Saw Frank, top man as ever says I look good but trying to do too much. Then end up feeling guilty when I dont do enough. Sorted me out with some diazepam for my back. He thinks excess bruising caused by lack of vitamin C. Sicknoted and topped up with scripts and I'm off. Matchworks for brekkie where I forced down a choccy build up and my tablets. Felt drowsy and sick most of the morning. Took the rise out of Ali and Andrea who share a table with me - sound characters.Was not match fit at all, left about 2.45 and retreated to bed after booking a holiday. Slept soundly till 5.15, woke up feeling ropey but after a groggy spell felt better than I have since the op. I ducked out of going to a conference today, but Frank said I am trying to do too much, and I dont think I would have been fit anyway.

Tuesday evening

All food on board and staying there - stil more milk required or should it be ice cream. Last week a lady listed for surgery contacted me she and her husband came to meet Jean Ally and I she was very unsure about the whole thing. I think they found it useful and decided to go ahead. I have just rung Aintree and spoke to her she is nervous but the op is tomorrow - good luck H. Just sent her a card to arrive Friday isn't t'internet brill Moonpig sends real cards not email or web page stuff. Busy day tomorrow. Been to gym today and workout was easier with fuel onboard. All going well - just need to sort the birthday.

Tuesday

Jean came in last night and delighted in the news from the dietitian. Off she went to Tesco and returned with a sack of Hi-cal goodies. One chocolate build up later I was stuffed. I felt like I had had 6 pints of guiness in a short lunchtime. I lay wallowing on the bed. Followed up later with a raspberry trifle and only minimal wretching. All kept down and slept better. Still trying to sort the party out.
Tuesday am and I have a meeting for 10 at the matchworks. I have just mailed them to say I wont be there till 10.30. WHilst I sit trying to devour a strawberry build up, trifle for lunch, build up for tea and a pint of milk in between. Sounds like a 1000 calories to me. Take it slow and sip said Jenny the dietitian, milk shakes are an abomination it must be said.

Monday Morning

Jean left me with a list of must be dones today.
1. Ring GP seeing Frank at 9am on Wednesday.
2. Ring Dietitian
3. Renew Car Insurance
Do her a map to get to turf Moor.
The dietitian was tops.Jenny - concentrate on getting some calories and protein in. So the new regime 2buildups a day made with full cream milk, + 1 pint milk a day soup, ice cream, porridge,mousses andcustards. Go to see her in 2 weeks. Keep a food diary. Calories and protein more imortant than eating healthy at the minute. Hear hear, I'm knakkerred I sustained most of last week on less than 200 cals a day. Not enough to keep my brain going says Jack. Watch out world the new slim me will have energy again soon. Messed about setting up discussion board software.

Sunday

Slept well with chemical help, back pain improving, guts ropey. After consultation with Jean, milk and water day see if I can get through without barfing. Catching up on a bit of work and stuff whilst the girls are at a parade service at the parish church. Few emails to reply to and a host of personal correspondence etc to sort. Need to order some more clothes and try out some of the stuff that was too small 2 weeks ago. Getting more worried about the evil in the middle east - Dubya I refer to. TV yesterday was full of jingoism as the ark royal was sent to the gulf - scary.

Saturday

Took to pureed fruit for brekkie. Stayed down went to the gym and got weighed - I have lost over 10 stones since the op - made up, new picture at the main web site. Barfed after some liquidised vegetable soup. Agreed with Jean I should see the dietitian ASAP. I don't think I am getting enough in. Started work on www.wlsinfo.org.uk the new new site which will have info and support for people this side of the atlantic. Hoping to persuade Kieran "Loopy" to help me with the info feeds. Signed up for a new web hosting account which I hope to be reimbursed for at some point. A bit of sponsorship perhaps, from the surgical tool makers. Downloaded some nifty soft ware to set up discussion boards, and fixed the sound on my PC - feeling good if a little tired. Rang the Heath Hall to see if it is a suitable place for birthday party, will visit tomorrow.

Friday night

Got to work about 10.30, picked up Sam and Jayne on the way, felt a bit ropey. Saw Jayne about acting up into a trainers job. Both Sam and I are sure she will shine. Stayed in the matchworks till 3 after a cold custard lunch. Lots to sort this weekend. Barfed after liquidised soup at teatime - not good. Back still sore just took twostrong painkilllers and an hypnotic to try to get a good kip.

Friday 3.45 am

Late night blogging can't sleep. Had a good meeting with Sam - she really has achieved loads while I have been away, she fills me with enthusiasm. Kieran dropped in later. a good natter and a larf as ever. Just fluids today and still sore. Jack the masseur rang, he has never caused bruising before. I'll mention the bruising to the doc incase my clotting or vitamin K is up the pole.

Thursday AM

Ruth and Paul came round last night, I had barfed after my tea so have decided to stick to fluids. We invited Ruth for a real fire. We are blessed with a proper open fire in the living room. It is a pain to clean get going etc but once its there it is great. Ruth is a particular fan. It led to a very relaxed evening and I lay in front of the fire warming my bruises after they had gone, I slept very well and awoke at 9.15, greeted by a cup of tea from my daughter. Sam is coming round to see me at 10.30, there is no where private at her office so we sometimes meet in the coffee shop at the top of the road. But no chance post op the smell of bacon butties would drive me bananas.

No entry on Wednesday

Didn't get to sleep till 4.30. Pain in back, not just in usual site but across lumbar region. Jean examined me in the morning and confirmed large bruises, Ally took photos so I could see them. I have been forbidden from posting them as they are a bit near the knuckle(or bum to be more precise). Ally is off sick, and Jean working a half day, so I slept fitfully between 9 and 1. Phone call from Ally Lee spurred me into action I thought going in for a few hours was better than nowt. Got to work at 3 and stayed till 5.30. Everyone seemed pleased to see me, and was really friendly. Felt a bit strange to me but glad I made it. Posture remains poor, and pain in back severe (is it aggravated by temperature?) It is minus 4 outside.Felt normal to be back in a work situation - I think I'll try it again.

Tuesday 7th January

Didn't get into work yesterday, barfed after breakfast - for what seemed ages. Complete with Nausea and abdo pain. Eventually settled and went back to sleep. Woke about 2 with what felt like a hangover. Generally not good fluids only today I think. Recovered later in the evening and spent the night getting ready for Jacks visit. Booked some time away at half term in Flaxton 9 miles north of York.
I slept very poorly, reading for a while Stupid White Men by Michael Moore. First time I have come across him but its excellent stuff. Still awake around four and lay there for a couple of hours, I was tortured with dreams and thoughts of large meals, I was overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I used to ingest.
Jack arrived early and set up his portable table in the front room, I was feeling quite nervous never having had anything like this before. It was not he said like swedish massage which he said was like a tickling. This was a medium sports massage. He started with me on my back and did my legs, it felt like he was using a series of implements but he assured me it was all his hands. It was hard work for him and painful for me. It did feel good when he stopped though. He rolled me over did back of the legs and then proceeded to pummel my legs shoulders neck and spine. He saved the bit in spasm till last it hurt but it feels better now. He said it might take two or three days to get the full benefit. It seemed a lot of work for 15 quid I was impressed. He stayed for a coffee afterwards, advised me to drink plenty of water and no alcohol tonight. Feels like a positive step - he said the tightness was not to do with my spine, and the muscle felt softer afterwards. A good investment.

Monday 6th January

Seems like ages since I was active this early. Plan is medicate breakfast ablute and then saunter into the office. Got a meeting this afternoon but can tinker with email post etc in the meantime. Its been very frosty again and the car will need a scraping. Onward and forward.

Sunday 5th Jan

Back still giving me hell. Actively medicated with a diazepam/analgesia combination to little effect. Went out for lunch to Ruth and Pauls - still no barfing. Going into work tomorrow for over half a day- (what to wear)? Need a list of things to do. Talk in the this house is of holidays - sounds like a half term in York, and main Summer in Britttany. Morale quite high and the thought of work whilst tiring is exciting.

Saturday 4th Jan

Back still sore rang Jack gym boss, then went to see him. He changed my exercise program and is coming to our house on Tuesday he does sport massage and a whole host of holistic medicine. He advised working through the pain and continuing with my revised workout. I felt tired but fulfilled afterwards. Still sore and will start popping painkillers tomorrow. Jean and Ally went to town shopping again. Watched kiss the girls in the evening, a good film Heard from Marta in the states. BTW weight loss now at 9st 10lbs. Must remember to do another photograph tomorrow.

3rd Jan

Went into work to meet with Elaine and discuss what I would be doing. In extreme pain walking really bad. Lift wasn't working and stairs were real bad. Still looking forward to going back and a plan is hatching for next week. Off to Jeans Mums in the evening

2nd January - Thursday I think

Still in pain, I didn't think the operation would cure all my physical problems but it seemed to, until the back problem flared up again. Strangely I still haven't barfed still Boxing day and I am pretty pleased with that. Plan to start back to work next week for 2 days a week, I'll be well cheesed off if my guts are fine and my back is in bulk. I wanted to ditch my crutch but I'll be keeping it a bit longer.

1st January

Last night was alright, bought I am still in spasm with back pain. 5mg of Diazepam helped, its an excellent muscle relaxant. Went to Ruth and Pauls for tea, 17 guests in all. Good night despite the pain, finding keeping up with blogging hard.