Thursday conference

Start the day well by getting sorted and out rappido. Bag a parking space at LMI so feel well pleased. Then into session with ddk pick up a couple of snippets. Then a dietians sesh oo VLCD, low GI, commercial slimming groups,meal replacement and low carb high protein diet. The lecture theatre and professional mix doesn?t lend itself to group. So I blog pocket pc. Overrun by 40mins. Break cut to 10 mins.
Then into next session 2 physios from uha, who run exercise program for weight management clinics. Upsets me first they do a deep breathing sesh and ask you to visualise the journey here if your bmi was double what it is. I suspect I find this easier than most. It moves me. Then breathing and then 3 mins of exercise . I remember doing these.
Then into julian shields on childhood obesity. Not bad at all.
Then carolyn summerbell prof of nutrition at teeside. Into lunch meet up with some nice people and spread the word. Do a bit of rep freebie work but the samples on the roche stand are poor. Abbott offer better fare. Dympna Pearson stand-in, proffers a hurried but feature rich session on behavioural change. Reluctantly miss Len Almonds session on exercise. Bomb it to Moss House for a 3pm, make it with seconds to spare . Prof is running an hour late. Ring jude and get good news about mac.

wednesday night

Went to see Mac but didnt get in. Couldnt get through to Jude will investigate tomorow - hope all is well. Worrying disturbed night worrying about getting up for early start and about Mac. Busy day full day at LMI then off to see Prof M at 3. Then its back for a meal at the other place and Jools Holland live at the summer pops which arent in the Kings dock this year.

Wednesday haircut and conference

Off to see fran in the morning he dispenses the usual blend od bad hair cut, good therapy and strong view. Then its cab into town, planned to bus but its hot and raining. Arrive at the LMI and meet the organiser. Lovely building and up the stairs lunch, minor exhibition. Meet some nice people over lunch - someone who grew up with a guy I trained with. Few people I knew. First sesh is a Jon Pinkney Jon Widing combo good stuff. Then a geneticist and over to Jon Pinkney followed by Andrew Hill. Then into a champagne reception walk down to lime street and get picked up.

Tuesday fun with Pocket PC

Messed about the whole morning learning loads like RTFM still applies - read the manual. Then its off to pick me ma up and drop script at docs, then off to the pub in the park - for a dross meal. 2 for a tenner and mine was OK but mums was pants. Andrew rings with news from his consult with Mr K its gone well and hes got a green light. Then off to morrissons seems like an obesogenic environment to me. 4 steak and kidney pies for 1.25, sausage rols 17% pork for 25p, no mention of calories. Great to see Kieran moaning about the web monitoring stuff at work.
If its useful - block it
If it makes life easier - block it.
If users want it - block it.
When you let techs control the user environment this is what happens. When a workplace has more censorship than china yer in trouble.
Home and chill with some mexican and tortilla. Chill and get some paper work done with Jean.

The rest of Monday

So we scoot into see mac hes down on the sefton suite off the oxygen and looking loads better. Then its off to the premier inn to pick up andrew.  He JK and I hit it off immediatley. I am indebted to him again for inheriting his second user pocket pc. We scoot to Greenbanl lunch and enjoy a great interactive session on WLS. Its like old friends. Then we drop JK off and its back to ours. into the garden and chill. Not long before we are off to Millon for a pricey but delicious indian. I have two starters and thouroughly enjoy it. Then back to ours the grown ups hit it off and Esme and Ally getting along fine - great night.

Monday

Somehow I forgot to mention that on Saturday night I stubbed my toe on the door and broke it. Its odd it didnt hit blogspace as I couldnt shut up about it most of the day. Going in to see Mac and facing the demon of PTSD must have knocked it down my list. Anyway its back throbbing this am. Start hitting off a few sponsor emails for the Kelloggs. Not sure about training. Hope to see Jack today. So heres the plan. Meeting JK when we scoot into the Sefton suite where hopefully he been transferred from CCU. If not I may just trot up there. Then its off to meet AndrewM - top geek boy. Heres the plan JK him and me idle in the Greenbank discussing matters surgical and then bring him back here. Meet up with the girls and off for a meal tonight.
Nice one seems like a plan. In a moment of madness and laundry insecurity I am wearing my white kaftan. I feel the urge to sing Demis Roussous songs......For ever and ever.....

Sunday - good news.

We arise from our slumber late. I fiddle on PC Ally cleans Shakespeares des res (v. stinky)and then we go to Ruth and Pauls for lunch. No grandma and Alan,  replaced by Colin and Hannah. Conversation cosiderably more ribald as a result. I scoot off to Aintree to see Mac he is off the vent since yesterday and looks considerably brighter than I thought he would. I cope significantly better with the CCU than I thought I would. I believe I was tramatised and had some mild form of PTSD. A cocious visit whilst relatively healthy head wise does me good. Take Jude to the airport and we chat. Mac the Poor sods in for a rough ride me and JK visiting him. Should be a treat. Home Colin and hannah visit to see Shakespeare. JK brings round a couple of shirts that are too big for him - cool. Ring ma she is pleased about Mac

Saturday- lunch out

Off to Penny Lane with Ally  by bus - grumpy old lady at the bustop recognises me from the telly. Bad news is she thinks I went to weigghtwatchers. Turns out she knows my mum and the manager at the bank were I had my first job. I worry that she is a geriatric stalker. We are dissapointed that the ark is no longer open at lunchtimes. Our search for moules frites seems fruitless. We wander along Allerton Road and stumble upon Spoon - so new it doesnt have a website. We opt for moules frites, cooked with garlic parsley  and sweet chilli.  Top stuff follow it  up with shared panacotta.Cool.
Then over to petshop Ally scoots to town and I trot up Green Lane. Hay is large. Play on PC while Jean kips. Tea is a takeaway from the Great wall. Ok ish. Grandma was round some Scots lad gets beat at wimbledon and suddenly tennis is british.

Nice clean boy

Up in good order this mornin off to LA fitness for my free go. This is my first time in a lycra gym. The place seems dead which is good news - though the car park is chocca. I am 2 minutes late. Sit in a reception that seems flash Get a free bottle of LA water. Purple is the theme - Lynsey arrives and shows me round. A nice pool, steam room and sauna.Then into the gym, quick look at the spin suite where a muscular lady is barking orders over a headset to several less muscular ladies. There is a big studio with mirrored walls with over 45 classes a week. Then upstairs to discuss filthy money. I spy a pc in the caff, ah its that internet access for members, no she snaps. Seems many things are going to improve soon. Its cheaper than I think after she hears I am a student and you get special discount. 32 sovs a month. Dont know what I pay. I need to make a medical declaration oh no - confidentiality up the swannee - hope he doesnt know that one of the drugs I am on is also an anticonvulsant. Off into the gym, its good I do a good treadmill and there are several large screen tellies, sky sport, sky news, ITN 24 and a music channel. I listen to my little mp3 it does me.
I try many of the machines its all technogym stuff but they don use the key driven stuff that Greenbank does - I manage to knock together something that approximates my usual weights, and do my best to avoid this glute machine (medieaval torture), maily coz I couldnt work out how to get in it.
First shower, then sauna, shower 2, steam room, shower 3, jacuzzi, steam room, shower 4, sauna, shower 5, jacuzzi, cold shower 6, then soapy shower in the changing room which has too many tellies and mirrors for me. Manage to natter to three members 2 negative about the club main criticisms? Staff turnover, staff presence and knowledge and cleanliness in the facilities. One guy is positive, but I suspect he is a paid plant. So refreshed I head back to Greenbank, greeted warmly by Jack my guru and training inspiration. Tars gym is his two word verdict on hearing my report. Still he bemoans Greenbanks lack of pool and steam sauna etc. Bowl of celery soup there I am reluctant as celery is an abomination in its raw form, chef insists it doesnt taste like raw celery. I taste it, its good and I enjoy it.
Off home and chill messing with rabbit and sorting washing. Off to Ma in laws. Watch ladder 49 with Jean it makes her cry.

Not the best day

The good weather continues I take a compressed work out . Then its off to pick up Kim and a business mans in  the Taipan. Her tale of Istanul makes  me chuckle. Then take mum the tip which she enjoys but she keeps climbing out the skip. Then off to the Speke retail. Into Argos where mum goes half on a new watch. Made up then into M&S pick up some juice and some chicken breasts with the rest of yesterdays salad. Nice. Then off to see Mac. Shocked on arrival at Sefton Suite to find he had been transferred to CCU. So we go to CCU, this starts to scare me for very selfish reasons lasttime I made this journey I only saw the ceilings. Then to the door you bus then someone goes out. Try to explain our relationship to Mac we are no one really. But his best friends in Liverpool.Off to the rellys room. Jean knows where it is - she been there before. Even the pics showing the equip bring on the PTSD. His doc comes over and chats to us he has spoken to Jude and asked what he can tell us. He had a small bleed thats sorted and his chest is more the prob now. On a vent. I feel better but worried. get home and talk to Jude she sounds better, and is coming over tomorrow. mac gonna be in more than a week at least.
Then Murphys law and bed.

enjoy the sun

too much computing in the morning.
Out in the sun in the PM then a brisk route march to Tesco then back again with provions chicken french bread and salad delish.

Tuesday - Magical Mystery Tour

After getting up early and farting about I almost manage to be late for Mac at the airport - he has lost weight and is looking good.We bundle his gear into the car then its off Aintree Lodge which is the hotel part of Aintree Hospital apols if the link dont work. It has been like that for at least 6 weeks, which would normally make me laff but is hacking me off today.
Mac is a great bloke scottish roots, Belfast lad lives in Belfast married to Jude, 3 kids two of which are twins. He has a bad chest and is hoping that taking some weight off will improve his chest.
We see Anfield Goodison go to Greenbank pick me mam up and go to Asda and Lidl. We sit in the carpark and natter. We have a laff, drop him at Aintree Lodge then pick up girls and off to support group.Meet the gang for tea, Jenfeet and Phil turn up with william aged 8 weeks.
Simon Banks from Specialist commissioning team to talk about this listening exercise.
I really felt positive that things were gonna get better for Cheshire and Mersey folks. We  chill in the bar then home.

Kens Mens Health Week

Monday starts with the healthy brek.
In the mens health forum delegate bag was a  leaflet on The Kellogs Great Walk 10k amble round Calderstones. I cant recall walking 10k in one go. Then a piece of fruit mid morning and a brisk walk to the gym 2.1 miles I hear - then weights and 10 mins on the rower - I started 4 weeks ago on 2 mins so I am pleased with my progress. Then back home at a more leisurely pace via greengrocer (spanish cherries) and fishmonger. I start off fancying crawfish tails but discuss crab options. I have only ever done dressed which is fab. How easy is it to prepare I ask? Easy peasy says the man I'll open it for you and remove the gills the rest you can eat. Ok how much 4 squidish says he. Bit pricey for luch but for 21% protein it sounds like a deal. Male or female says he? Difference female has more brown meat. Lady crab it is I hitch it to my back pack for fear of whiff contamination then its along allerton road Big Ish chat and trot up green lane. Feel goosed when I get in. Sit in garden in glorious sun armed with nutcracker, skewer, teaspoon, shirt off and dive in. Any food that is so hard to eat gotta be a good deal. It was delicious. Alls was missing was Jean french quayside and something white french and chilled.
Relax further in garden celebrating my 5 load washing victory. (Result). Girls arrive home Ally in to Shakespeare who I have interacted with regularly.
Jean chills resting. Eat later mince (less than 5% fat) with tomato italian thing. The girls do pasta- I go for tortilla.
Then off for brisk two mile walk with Jean Was good but we pass too many eateries and bars on allerton road. Up green lane with deja vu.
Home and feet are killing. Only need one sleeping pill for a change.

Eclectic Music

Listening to: Canon in D major - Pachelbel - - (04:52)
Listening to: Bachman Turner Overdrive - You ain't seen nothing yet -
- (03:40)
Listening to: Banjo Guys - Dueling Banjos - - (03:23)
Listening to: Bing Crosby - Swing on a star. - - (02:17)
Listening to: David Bowie - Sound And Vision - - (03:05)
Listening to: Hampton the Hampster - The Official Hamster Dance Song -
- (03:34)
Listening to: john otway - Cor Baby That's Really Free - - (02:41)
Listening to: Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama (Acoustic) - - (04:03)
Listening to: Saxon_-_Denim_And_Leather - - (05:28)
Listening to: Yes - Homeworld - - (09:31)
Bad isn't it !!
Ten random plays on the Media Jukebox in WMP chez clare

Music Test

 

<div class="media">[Listening to: Saxon_-_Denim_And_Leather -  -  (05:28)]</div>

Sunday We are a Grandfather

It dawns on me that Ally is a parent therefore I am Shakeys Grandad. I feel the need for a tweed jacket and a pocket full of werthers. I never had a grandad - always something I considered a shame. Today is fathers day - the girls have bought me a DVD Ladder49
I am a sucker for anything to do fire engines. A box of chocs (small) and made for sharing. I idly fart on the PC in the morning. We breakfast outside together and I relate tales of our early parenting to Ally. She is thinking she aint doing well with the rabbit - I told her first night we got her home from hospital we both sat and cried on the couch coz we didnt know what we going to do. Ally is the brightest most shining thing in my life. I am so proud of her she is sharp and her incisive mind and wit will take her far. She wont be reading this she blogs and I am not allowed to visit hers and she cant be bothered to read mine. She prefers My Boyfriend is a ... and petit anglais. After breakfast I reflect on my dad and how I miss him and the way in which he he died prevented him from communicating at the end. I get quite tearful about that, after which I feel strangely settled. Jeans off to the crem to remember her Dad and Ally is with her. I suggest to Ally we scoot to the other crem to see where my dads ashes are.
Lunch is fishfingers on a butty. I cant finish all the bread. Been a chore migrating to new computer but the email bit is done. Makes a change to not be using a PC that hangs at least thrice a day.
Have a good discussion re work required on the site.

Saturday Evening - Welcome Shakespeare

Pleasant in the garden in the afternoon, Ally reads Jean kips I chat
on the phone to Andrew. I feel somewhat guilty at how little I have
contributed to the greater good this week. But I must confess the self
indulgence and "me time" has been pleasurable. Andrew is as easy to
divert from the point in hand as I am. So a conversation often takes
pleasurable twists and unexpected leads - best to be away from the PC
when we are a wandering. Tea - is a Tesco cottage pie and veg -
inappropriate for the weather but goes down surprisingly well. After
tea enjoy the doc about the Doc, then watch the final ep. A bit
cheesey in parts but a good one. The new Doctor is unveiled its the
chap from Blackpool and Casanova - whom I always call Robert Carlyle
despite knowing thats not his name. Chilling in the evening watching
the rabbit.

Sorry officer

So there we are at childwall fiveways to anyone who doesnt know the
area its the meanest roundabout outside of paris. The worse thing you
can do is stop and give way, most people dive on continental style and
expect you to give way. I hesitated and it seems like never gonna get
out. Get a beep of someone (rightly so) and a stare down from a
motorbike cop.
He follows me and flashes I pull over - he gives me a well deserved
rollicking. I am scared of coppers - I got hit by a copper across the
back of the legs with a nightsick when I was five (deserved it) and
also interacted with them again during the NGA dispute at Eddie Shahs
gaff in Warrington - early 80's.
Anyway in for petrol off to old swan tesco and the weeks shopping.
made a menu plan for this week.
Bit knocked off that the papers have arrived this mornin around my ill
health retirement application. Seems kind of real and I am reeling a
bit. Tescos does nothing to focus the mind. Then off to the Lister
drive pets and fisheries centre (converted victorian swimming baths)
where we acquire shakespeare a 7 week old male lop bunny. Nice fella -
Ally is well chuffed. The sun is shining Ally introduces him to his
new house
He only cost sixteen notes fair enuff.

Friday afternoon

Rabbit hutches cost – my daughter aged 15 wants the top of the range
palatial gaff but we settle for a comfortable two storey des res (with
free starter pack). We aim to pick up bunnykins tomorrow. We dine
unhealthily at pizzahut. The bloody hutch takes up all the load space
in the zafira so it means jean jumps a cab to her mums. Ally and I
mooch in Maplins then I whip her home and off to pick Jean up. Traffic
is pants on Queens drive. Home and I sit here at 10pm in the
backgarden watching the womenfolk prepare the hutch for tomorrows new
arrival. They are painting it with B&Q's finest safe to animals when
dry treatment (red cedar if you like detail). I like a true pioneer
observe the ritual solemly clutching a tin of the amber nectar
(fosters gnats pee). Next week hard work on the lifestyle kicks in
again. This week (with London and all) I have been on holiday.
Next week brings gym back into the life.
Glad to see some of the other bloggers been at the posting lark. To be
fair to the mens health blokes probably been a hectic week for them.
Hope somebody has read this, and it has provided some insights. What
to I am not sure.
Angelo the Greek waiter at the gym restaurant hated England and the
English. We had a frank exchange of views – a lad who could be
anywhere between 20 and 35 he has an incisive mind and disinhibited
about making his view point felt. He is a racist and xenophobe, a sort
of exotic alf garnett. None the less we have a fascinating
conversation.
He describes English under 25s as "filth", the tabloid press as
garbage (cant argue with that). The royal famly as a waste of space.
Home watching jonny woss

Thursday Night Friday morning.

After a skype session with andrew and much trying to sort my email woes i headed down stairs to watch Tivo - if you dont know what tivo is you are missing out. Watched Murphys Law in which Nesbitt goes even deeper each this week. This week the poor sod is really in the  brown stuff, he has taken to wearing a Yes T-shirt. My wife is shocked to learn that the beeb have allowed the producers to stoop so low.
Catch a bit of the office - red nose day ep. Ricky does crack me up and like Homer simpson sad to see so much of me in him.
Friday i lie in to the ungodly hour of 9.45, and breakfast and slob out. I have a self destructive element that I dont understand. I spoke to Frank the GP last night about cutting down booze
so after two nights of abstinence I have a bevvy. During Mens Health week I aint been the gym. I have a cunning self deception plan as well. My mission this week is to show that blokes can be active without going the gym. (my excuse). I haven't worn a pedometer coz I think the technology is pants. I end up fiddling with it and tripping up - bit like fellow blogger Jim.
I want one that can gps me and store then work out how far I done. For now I do 45 mins brisk walking till sweaty and almost breathless.I done it 4 times already this weekand its only Friday. So that is pretty good.
Old mate Sir Liam Donaldson CMO
would be pleased. Though I think he says 5 *30 and this Ken Fox bloke said 5*45 if you lost weight and wan to maintain loss. Deep joy.
Got to go out now and buy a rabbit hutch - long story will explain later.

Lets get physical.

There was no bog - dissapointing. So its back to the park and hoof it
round - the boots feel good. I take the perimeter bath and the trees
are good, and shield me from most of the rain the lack of MP3 is a
bummer but hey. I take 40 odd mins to briskly walk almost breatless to
work and am sweating. It feels good but the rain doesnt. Ring mum on
wya round and tell her my ETA. Get back to car and notice blood
transfusion service have a session at All Hallows. Shame its not open
I would have give them a unit.
Pick mum up refuse food, go to GP pick up her script, drop it into
Craigs and then its off to Tesco Old Swan. Healthy food isn't bubbling
over in the restaurant, it looks like chips s the order of the day.
Mum has sausage and chips and a row about the lack of onions in the
gravy. She wanted onion free gravy - there was a choice but she wanted
a row. I settled for a pannini and banana. Mum kept trying to give me
her chips I have two to shut her up. Then its round the shop, checking
out labels as I go. Surprised that the finest chips 1.99 are only 5%
fat - and they are lovely. I guess in chips big spud piece = less fat.
Skin on as well. tasty.
I pick up some cabbage and some low fat 3% cauli cheese to accompany.
Then a walk through Old Swan to pay an expense check in. Mum mooches
in the charity shops and then we enter another world - mum is addicted
big time to lo-cost slot machines. It was scary. Polish trainee
manageress plying us with tea biscuits and crisps. mum is big time she
won a pound on the scratchcard and spent three squid of her own money.
That was a big session for kathleen she usually prefers 2p machines.
Take the old girl home her plates are killing her.

Thursday AM outline for the day.

Up eat ablute sort mail, see frank the doc, cross at missed blogging
opportunity in waiting room. The dilemma how to replace blackberry
function still looms. Then I plan a walk in the park calling at Craig
the independent pharacist on Allerton Road. Get scripts filled then
off to Ma's. Poop I realise I have forgottent the cheque to pay into
bank.
Plan lunch out - worry about cals with ma aim for a butty me thinks.
Turkey breast for tea so need spuds and veg. Where to take me ma is a
prob she favours the ASDA me tesco and we have common ground in LIDL.
Any shop where you can pick up USB accessories, gardening gear, exotic
veg and walking boots cant be all bad.In the docs waiting room I gegg
in on a conversation. A womens son has been shot and slashed. the area
has gone to the dog she says. This is where I was brought up, it was
posh..ish now it scares me.
A poster in the docs window proudly announces that the whole area is
now some sort of ASBO area of outstanding natural beauty and the
police have special powers.Me mam never goes out after dark or opens
the door.I recogmise two people from primary school in the waiting
room they appear dressed younger than me but look iller and drawn.
Turns out the mp3 player is stuffed that makes me cross - I hear about
a lad getting a seven stretch but only serving two
So appt at 10 its 10.45 and i am scrawling this in a note book in the
hope of transposing it later.
I am alarmed that beating shootings and slashings seem de rigeur round
here - in my day it was throwing stones setting fire to crisp bags
full of dog muck and chicken on the railway. And I was a bad one.
Right into see frank top doc we go through things I have a list. No
wonder you are late is so thorough and so caring. We go through
several things I review tablets mood and health I am better than I
have been for months. I am struggling to get calcium D3 and zinc in
but we discuss that.
I told him I still have worries if i am really ill. He assures me that
both he and prof have objective views that I am. Its odd because today
I feel good. (But not good). I was worried that London would start me
off on a high but it doesnt seem to have. I shoot in the car to
caldersones and park it about half a mile from the pharmacy, plan is
to walk to the pharmacy and back again, then maybe into the park. Will
have to get out with Jean again tonight too. Gym tomorrow I guess. To
save time and assess public amenities I post this from a PC in
Allerton library - no coffee though otherwise top. If there is a bog
it will be ideal.

Tuesday one lazy day. Wednesday – Active but eating.

I am knackered I pull myself out of bed about 9.15. A bit dazed and
confused examine the inbox on my pc and drink tea. Jean had woken me
to medicate me before leaving for work. I forget my pills habitually,
that's a feature I shall be working on over the next few days. So
that's the regime –
Sodium valproate
Fluoxetine
Forceval
Zoton.

Only two of them cause me to gain weight. Deep joy. So mens health
week whats the plan. I enjoyed several excesses at the weekend cmon
lads it was my holiday. No ale till the weekend and exercise,
exercise, exercise. But today I chill catch up with a few essential
communications, mum, sister, Andrew, emails, and chill. So lunch trot
up for a chicken salad on brown from simply coffee no fresh food in
the house.
Off to the Asda to get prints printed from London. Go the one at the
sefton park site on the former sefton general opposite the Aldi which
was a school where Ian Banks once taught. All supermarkets in
Liverpool used to be something. Asda hunts cross was standard triumph,
Tesco allerton was quarrybank where john lennon went and tesco woolton
was the Bear Brand (nylons factory).
I suppose everywhere was something else once.
So after I have gone back to the house for my wallet I put the CD in
for 115 prints and do a bit of a shop. I spend too much time on
labels. But I aim to look for <5% fat as the general. That's the plan,
it's the fat that tastes good though – although a dietitian once told
me it was more about "mouth feel" that made sense.
I get 4 meals for the week ahead and then off to my mums. My mum is 75
tactless loud blunt and rude. She has liver failure, heart failure,
type II diabetes, a pacemaker aand idiopathic thrombocytopenic
purpura. But apart from that shes sound. She delivers food with
alarming frequency and amount. We love her. She is made up with the
teatowel chocolates and dog sweets. They are for Sue the shitzu who
has been her constant companion since my dad died.
Then home serve up a chicken salad for Jean after shes had a kip. Goes
down well. Then we are off to mother in laws to dispense tales of
London and gifts. Home trash telly and early night.

So up early self medicate need to get Ally to appointment. Traffic
terrible. Planned internet café doesn't work – its turned into a curry
house. So nip to Costa coffee for tall black Americano, buy new pair
of walking boots. First pair I have ever owned. I am chuffed, they
wont be taking me to Ben Nevis but I am pleased. Then off to the Ladt
Lever Art Gallery which is located in the model village of port
sunlight. Third art gallery in my life – second in a week. Then off
for a nostalgic visit to New Brighton. A sort of Blackpool with the
last bit of life squeezed out. We trot along the prom the sun comes
out and then its in to the seaside café for fish and chip special.
Don't eat it all but the fish was cracking. We decide to walk out to
the river and a beach is now there, I don't remember that. The Mersey
looks better and the waterfront is much improved we walk a long way
and watch the beach patrol practising setting off maroons (which are
orange not purple). Then home via tunnel and mess on net with Andrew –
sort a problem which was evading us and it was an easy answer. Tea is
a three handed thing Ally has Cajun chicken, Jean lemon chicken and my
gammon and mustard. After tea we trot for a brisk walk around Sefton
Park and decide we will do the 10k walk in July.

Tidying up late as ever.

So its Wednesday afternoon, I slept soundly last night after a fairly lazy day. So its time to recount the events of Monday and Tuesday. Dont want the blog going moribund Jim "The editor" P will be on me back if I dont keep it up.
So last time we spoke It was Monday 2.36 real time and I had reported up to Prof Alan White.
I decided sort of into the first session that we should get closer to the Mens Health Forum. Atop bunch of lads and a set of the right sort of values. Also playing with yourself (ie testicular self examination is actively encouraged).
Surprised at how many of the people in the audience are women. After first session its off to manning the stall with Steve. Its always tough when you meet a WLSer at a gig like this and have to hit the floor running. But I like to think our fat boys club is exclusive. There are things  only big big blokes know about being SSO. Super Super Obese. I hit it off with Steve straight away, feel like I already know him.The display manning is an odd experience. I am naturally a shy person  - honest so standing there encouraging strangers to engage in what can be probing questions. The majority are listening keen and attentive. Some feel the right to ask very direct question only one delegate was off. (about par for course).
Meet some great people, some challenging thoughts some useful feedback and some people who are considering surgery as a personal option.
Jim Pollard is a cool dude and though he lives on the fifth floor of a gaff in Paris he will need a visit. Matt and the photographer were top lads. Some big names there but the secretary of state was on an awayday (Hmm). I stay out of the morning workshops though I think the gary egger one might have been my choice. A google on his name brings some interesting stuff but not one I wanted to definitively post - so do it yourself. He spoke a great deal of sense.
Lunch was cool and quick bite before hitting delegates head on. Steve takes to it like a duck to water - I am digging his vibe.Touched  by one woman saying she remembers being moved by something I said at a previous NOF conference. I am in to the ripple effect - if it made one person think - then it was worth it. Our prime position ensured us a steady stream of visitors sometimes being last helps.
Jibbed the afternoon workshops too - To be onest too many to choose from. I thought about going in Mark Davidsons from Belfast (clinical psychologist) but resisted as I always get terribly upset thinking about the psychological pain of obesity, and its causes. I spoke to Mark and fessed up to him about Bipolar Diagnosis too he was cool and we discuss his future role in WLSinfo. We also discussed the feeling that patients want to compare notes about his assessment. My line is tell the truth you cant rehearse, and you probably cant shock him.
We talk about the different dynamics of working with obese men and I acquire another insight. Blokes are different, that much is clear. As the last session approaches my anxiety becomes apparent in my digestive tract. I have been breaking wind all day - loud but not smelly and have positioned myself outside on most occasions. Then start worrying about farting whilst on the platform which increases my gut motility which makes me want to.... fart.
In to the auditorium, sit next to Ian Campbell President of National Obesity Forum - top chap and media star.Listen to Consensus statement from mens health forum three quarters is too many - decide we will sign up.Then its  Gina nice public health doc, giving the public health view. Then were on up to the stage and every things twitching.
I had been told I would have two minutes to introduce me and talk about my views/aspirations on  obesity  in mens health. I had worried for a fortnight and jotted some notes in the preceding talk. I had numerous brief witty salient points to make but no chance this is Ken Clare says Tv Doc Mark Porter .
I was dissapointed with my lack of contribution to the panel. It was a difficult format for me. Hard to get a word in. I am as ever my harshest critic and a couple of people said I came across sound. Then its goodbyes and off to the concierge at the top Swissiotel. Cab to Euston meet Nell and jean pint in Britannia on to 6.18 to Euston. nice journey punctuated with butties from M&S and tinnies from buffet.
We jump a can home and are replete.
Top time.

It has been a good day.

Long but good as I right this we are pulling into Stafford station I am in word with no connection it would now appear my blackberry was lost/lifted yesterday. Will report it via the good offices of John Mc tomorrow. Trying to think back over the day its hard to think where to start. The place was interesting bit of a rabbit warren and maybe some exhibitors didn’t get the position they might have liked. Richard someone was the founder nice guy – he kicked off the day. Then into David Haslam chair of the NOF and a good egg for sure his talk was good especially liked his reference to the masturbation diet.

Then on to prof alan white a nice chappie will save this now and post from home, tomorrow.

Natty time

I like this thanks andrew M

Conference - good day

Off down to the conference centre, miss it the first time then happen into. Top venue IEE HQ. Beuatiful auditorium. Bit of a cock up with exhibition but we get there in the end. Steve arrives and its good timing , I'm off into the first session and he sets up  the stand and I buzz off into first session. Its a happening event and I am well into it.

Tower and chill

After lunch we fall in to a museum of fusiliers, and over to the chapel of st peter in chains. Which is interesting for the number of people (famous) buried there. The Beefeater is a nice interestng guy and gets heavily tipped on the way out - fair enuff thinks we.
We decide we are goosed, and need to go back to the hotel tourism is hard graft. The behviour of japanese tourists has worn hard on our patience. We wander out after a stop at the shop, and find our way into a pub on tower hill, Hung drawn and quartered i think it was called. I sample a pint of fullers chiswick bitter. Which is as weal as gnats pee. I make the mistake of saying have one yourself - which apparently in london means  take all my wordly goods (or 20p in Liverpool). Hmm.
The a joseph (taxi) back to the hotel Jean kips soundly I chat to nell and andrew and try to sort a pair of shoes for the morning forgot to pack. I read the paper and put feet up. Enjoy a surf and look around the net. Jean wakes and we hit town. Bump into a late louise from TOAST on her way to the Savoy, she is sound. In search of a decent pint we hit walkabout by the river. "sample the full aussie experience" hmmm well I wont be going down down under. Strikes me the sort of beer palace I might have lived in in the early 80's. Intrigued by the kangaroo and croc on offer in the canteen style food hatch.
There is a two piece with backing tapes hammering pop classics blaring out too loud. The punters love it but its not for us.
Jean has a Carstle lager (family joke).
Off in search of a real pint we (on petes advice hit the law courts area). We find the courts and some top ale ouses - all shut!
We trot along the strand find a tourist boozer - real ale, Landlord off. End up with stella - not good. We mooch into convent garden (thugh we didnt know it ( an old place when its mostly shut). We find many top eateries - all shut and many seedy looking gaffs (all open). We nervously try the dance about where to eat. Then out of the clouds -our deliverance ; The loch fyne restaurant. My idea of top food is sea food  and jeans refining of that is bouillabaise. This gaff is the tops. We have a nice french waiter - we love the french BTW,I use my three sentences of french much to his apparent amusement.Starters for me organic smoked salmon and for jean 4 types of herring. A bottle of entre deux mers top stuff. Main course gets better I head for King scallops and king prawns and jean does the bouillabase. No pud needed, we are happy (1 portion of veg and chips). We have a glass of port and are made up. Best meal I can remember at the end of the best holiday ever. This weekend has been unbelievable.
 

culture vulture

so a top notch brekkie in the swank restaurant. fruit. Poached egg and mucshroom and some blackpud. Tiny nouvelle cuisine portions onest.
The we take a walk to the national gallery. I am ashamed  to say for only the second  time in my life. So many boss pictures some slightly odd ones too. We follow the highlights tour which is for amateurs, sort of NG lite I guess. Drink some water in the sun at trafalagar square then navigate our way to Covent Garden which isn't really us. We get a coffee and cake at posh caff gaff. Sun is shing so trot off to the Strand and jump a bus??? Another big unusual thing for us to do, off to the Tower of London. Doing the tourist bit large now cracking stuff at loving it. Upstairs - even amaze myself at fitting up a spiral staircase in the Bloody Tower. Lunch in a pleasant cafe  after seeing the crown jewels. Hot ham butty, preceded by a beer. Couldnt finish the butty.

London continues to blow us away

Forgot to mention in my earlier blogging entry that it was nice of them to arrange a flypast over the hotel of several military jets perfectly timed to our exit from the hotel. Service here is top class, went down in our eyes when we realised this was something to do with trooping the colour. Also laid on especially for us was a load of nude cyclists, disappointingly Sundays paper tells me it was something to do with oil protest.
Back to the journey - Up whitehall past Richmond house and into Trafalgar square, we pick up a snack from Tesco express and sit watching some bizarre gig  at the base of Nelsons column, I didn't know if i was "performance art" but I suspect it could have been as it meant so little to me. Anyway my culture valve was on overload anyway merely sitting outside the national gallery.
After a rest we scooted off down the mall, had a gander at horseguards - being taken down after trooping. Then on to the mall well rigged up gor lizzies birthday.
St James park looked nice - down to Buck House - round in front of it, obligatory shot of guardsmen, up the mall then sat in the st james park in the sun for half an hour. The toll is beginning to be felt on the feet, Jeans knees suffer too. So as a preventative measure we jump a cab to Chinatown. blown away by the sights sound and smells,  looked at a couple of places before settling on a shanghai place. There used to be a shanghai restaurant in Liverpool but it shut. It did Wortip which I could eat 7 or 8 for a starter last night I had one and a duck roll. I did a prawn and hand pulled noodle thing shared with jean who had a mixed seafood with light wine and shared my carbs. We was stuffed but it was the best meal out at the end of the best holiday since our honeymoon.
Then it was on to the New Ambassadors to watch someone to watch over me. sad serious and extreme bad language. Good stuff. Walked back to the hotel and got into the bar which was too classy for us. Not as pricey as I thought for some stuff. Then upstairs to play with the fotos and reflect. We had had a great day but I felt jean and I have missed so much. I guess this is all stuff that people take for granted but to me yesterday was pioneering marvellous stuff.
I got up handy and left Jean kipping whilst I blogged and played with the lavazza drinks machine. We shall bathe read the Observer, breakfast and then a gallery.
My ablutions are easy the bathroom is good. I have lost count of the broken toilet seats and pedestals in my life. Some hotels have a radiator so close to the bog you can't take a dump without burning yer leg when you are big.
Being able to wipe your own bum without resorting to the mechanical assistance of a long handled bottom wiper or worse still someone elses help is a delight. Hotel showers and baths were a nightmare when I was Super-Super-Obese (SSO) ie Body Mass Index (BMI) >60  once had to transfer rooms as I couldn't get in the fixed door shower. Nice thing to have to say in reception.
I  bring this up not as a request that everything is designed for the SSO but that anyone reading this realises just how pervasive a life of obesity can be. A spiralling, degenerative, life threatening disabling disease.
If I see any jokers at the conference slipping into this
and thinking they know how it feels may get a fly in the ear.
Right, bath time for bonzo.

London when you can walk is the mutts nuts

Sensory overload. The hotel is a top gaff, geezer in a long coat on the door. Taximan was nice played with everything in the room while jean unpacked and then we are off. Straight out on the enbankment and along to blackfriars bridge then mooched along the south bank on the Queens walk enjoyed an ice cream. We had booked fast track on the eye judging by the queues was worth it big time I rflected how I couldn't have stood in the queue for even the fast track 10mins let alone the hour or two the others took. The eye was top. Then over westminster bridge mouth open at parliament had a mooch round the outside down to emmilene pankhurst memorial. Sat on a nice bench and had a banana. Then across to westminster abbey and up whitehall. Past downing street, cenotaph etc and on to the back of horseguards where we watched the dismounted horseguards being inspectted.

Reading the background

So as prepared as I ever I read the stuff sent to me by maggie the conference organiser. Tells me where to go an what to do. Not quite clear what I am supposed to say, Ian Banks from the mhf told me to speak for 2 mins on who I am and my aspirations for the treatment of male obesity. He seems like a funny bloke. His claim to fame is he installed the traffic lights at ullet road/smithdown road.
The background reading is good and I enjoy it more because it says embnargoed on top. As a security measure I close one eye. I am surprisingy relaxed on this journey, by this point I am usually in a panic about going to the city.
I come from Garston the Liverpool equivalent of Hobbiton. This is like going to minas tirith. For me. I didn't stay in a hotel till the night I got married and I still feel a sense of awe and wonder when travelling anywhere. BTW if any of the family are reading I know mum and dad claim it was allerton but bad news we were conned.
I surprise jean by doing both refreshment runs - the freedom to be able to move down a space which mentally seems impassable is a feeling of joy inexpicable.
So now we bag up what we need en route, which will go in the back pack and what can go in the laptop bag to be left with the concierge.
Free range egg mayo butty, low cal (less than 350 and 5.5% fat).

915 pendolino

So wake up at a ridiculously early time, on to the PC. Check emails, the site see geek boy has been busy. Jean does the packing we have money and pills, anything else you can buy. Get a taxi to lime street, grab an americano at costa coffee. Then I decide to check that Virgin still have guards vans or at least a space I can stash the folding table top display. No way says the young boy, let's have a look at it says the old lag. No sweat I'll open the back door for you. Top service I get to see where the driver goes and a bit of luggage space they don't tell peeps about.
We decide to uprage to first for 15 squid and despite the lack of trolley service, it was a good move.
I vividly recall having to use the disabled passenger assistance a few years ago, they were nice but it pained me. Being wedged in a seat for three hours isn't good. Your fellow travellers seem less than keen to sit near you and you take the aisle seat and get bumped and kicked all the way to London.
Its a delight to travel with my wife and we qare in stafford quick stix. Leaving the kit with her I go for a celebratory pee on the train. I haven't used a train bog since I got stuck in the door of one 5 years ago. A very ripped shirt was the result and a very red face. The walk to the train used to near kill me and the sweat used to mean a shower and a change of clothes in the first class lounge at Euston.
After a bog stop along to a coach c for my compimentary light refreshments. Barely potable coffee and clotted cream shortbreads. Jean sleeps I blog, and listen to mp3's

Friday.

So - getting my act together for Monday. Good talk to my techie mate
Andrew via skype. Then a day of running round catching up. Off to the
barbers, for a trim. I have been going to Franks since I was 16 - his
hair hasn't changed (wig) mine has. He is a better psychotherapist than
barber so customer loyalty is assured. He isn't keen on fat blokes
(difficult to squeeze past). He's off today so I am left to Peter - his
deaf ex-jockey assistant. Its a mans barbers BTW. I usually get enraged
reading the daily mail and the express but straight into the chair
today. Lunch from Cafe Naz, a greasy spoon which transforms into an
Indian in the night. I admire cook brekkie and go for chicken salad on
white (brown is a rarity in these parts). I chuck half away.
Then its off to ASDA for a shirt for Monday - I want to look half
presentable. No white shirts available. It strikes me that the last time
I was chucked out of main stream shopping shirts went up to 17" collar,
no available up to 18.5". A sign of the times.
Off to Tesco and score there. Pick up other essentials and back home.
Makes a nice change buying a shirt for 4 quid rather than 25 in the
bigboy shop.
Fart about on PC, tying up several loose ends. Sort out a rolling
display on powerpoint for our display stand, and some printed stuff
which I shall mount on the web after the event. Nell and Pete deliver
stuff to the conference gig.We go into excitement mode. My wife and I
are taking two nights in London Saturday/Sunday. I am really looking
forward to it. Previously London has consisted of Euston taxi, hotel and
conference venue. Once I did a bus tour, but I have never walked around
London, so never mind the gig this is the best bit.
Work up to the flag as ever, organising myself is not easy, and would be
impossible without my wife and daughter.
Off to see mum in the evening (after a stir fry). She's been away with
my sister all week, she doesn't know where but she enjoyed it.
Gives us 20quid to get a meal in London (yeah right!) and wishes us
well. She is a diamond me mam, and I realise constantly what a git I was
as a teenager.
Friday night means Ma-in-laws where the predominantly bluenose family
slate Liverpool for wangling their way into the Champions league. Then
back home more finishing off, packing and tidying up.
Next post from Virgin trains.

Thursday - a good exercise day.

Conference prep starts bigtime Thursday. Just getting to gether stuff for display stand and some pictures. WLSinfo was originally concieved as a place by blokes for blokes. Glad I changed that and the place is far richer for the decision, I have made many friends and met some truly inspirational characters through the place.
So a bit of personal weight and fitness stuff. At the extreme my weight was 216kilos 34 stone. Last year in May it went down to 15st 7lb following a bout of peritonitis(oddly associated to adhesions from an earlier appendicectomy). I looked too thin I think. I am 6 foot - I have about a stone of loose saggy flesh around my middle. I was referred for plastics but the surgeon said the local criteria for surgery was to have a BMI of 25 - doesn't matter where you have come from. I wasnt happy, unfortunately I was too depressed at the time to argue with him or the rule makers.
So after peritonitis the dietician tried to build me up, took nearly 10 miutes of persuasion to get me to eat more. Target and comfy weight for me is 17 stone but winter, depression, prozac, over eating and under exercising have led me to overshoot. I now stand before you at around 18stone. I havent been weighed for three weeks but feel I am on the right road.
I should at this point mention I have Bipolar Affective Disorder. Its not the easiest thing to admit or explain, I have been diagnosed for about 18 months but probably had it most of my adult life.As a mental health professional its been difficult to admit but I feel acceptance is part of the healing. Anyway theres a booking for next years gig when I think the theme is Mental Health.
Food and Exercise.
Anyway I digress. Thursday I ate a bowl of cereal, with semi-skimmed milk. i eat a mix of branflakes and crunchy nut cornflakes. Ok I know thats not ideal but I can't stand the cardboard fibre on its own. Mid morning a banana. Then off the gym - Its a nice day so instead of the car I hoof it down. About 2 miles, but too be honest with my MP3 on I dont notice it. I slow down as I reach the main shopping thoroughfare. Then along the length of Penny Lane - nearly killed by the beatles tourbus, but hey ho. I jog the last leg. (Only because its uninhabited). I am in a good lather of seat when I get in to the gym. I spend five minutes sat outside talking to two nice retired ladies. Then in for my weights, I enjoy them in an odd kind of way. The atmosphere in there helps. Its a vibe set by Jack the manager, top bloke, to whom I credit a huge degree of my post op success. He's been away for a while but now he's back I am well in the groove. My weights plus rowing takes 50 minutes, I take plenty of water then its back walking briskly home.
On Allerton road and go and buy two apples I give one to the big issue seller, with whom I regularly chat. Trotting off and its uphill back home.

Home-  bath - then the post office. Then off to Tesco where I am horrified at the price of cherries. The nice checkout girl advised leaving them till the end. People had apparently been bombarding the customer service desk with complaints they were shocked how much they were. I told her I had weighed them and expected them to be 2.50 which seemed steeep but bearable.
She weighed em and told me 4.50ish. No thanks.
I got everything required for the chicken stir fry but the chicken which I only remembered on the way home. Poop chicken stir fry was my daughters request, anyway she wants pasta now.....we end up later. Some soup and a portion of crispy duck for tea, from the chinese at the top of the road.

ban comic sans :: Putting the Sans in Comic Sans

ban comic sans :: Putting the Sans in Comic Sans Made laff very loudly

September 2002 to date.

4th September 2002 I had an open  Roux-en-y (RNY) Gastric Bypass on the NHS by Mr Kerrigan.
What is a RNY?
Well the surgeon creates a small pouch of between 15-30ml at the top of your stomach, 1.5m down your small bowel, he cuts and joins the distal end to your new stomach. In my case the proximal end is attached 1.5m further on down the small bowel than it was.
End result being you can only eat a small amount of food, before feeling full, and you malabsorb some of the nutrients that you eat.
So immediately post I was a tad delicate but very soon the dramatic weightloss and increased exercise tolerance began to have huge benefits. I shifted 2 stone a month for the first two months, a total of 16stone in the first year. See the progress . Bariatric surgery is no magic cure and I have felt my way through the process adopting a series of lifestyle changes and attitude shifts to help maintain weight loss.
In January 2003 I set up a website which has since become a national charity with local support groups all over the UK. I have fought with my own personal demons and after 5years actively tackling my obesity I still find it an uphill daily task. But at least I feel I am in a position where I can experience satiety (fullness) and expend more calories that I take in. Whilst the reader may have found the first few entries in this blog hard going I found it therapeutic. Sometimes its hard to realise how far you have come on a journey when the road is long and hard and still uphill. It has done me good to reflect. On this journey I have met some of the bravest talented people you could imagine and seen transformations that are nothing short of miraculous.
My next entry may be a bit more like the editor expects......Chairman Ken ranting on obesity and the preparation for the Hazardous waist conference.

On the road to the knife -

So in I bounce to doc M at  the weight management clinic. His warm grin, caring smile and genuine eye contact defuse me. He looks through my notes. Right Ken you have done 2 years here gone up and down how would you feel if I referred you to a surgeon. I was speechless, well if you want to try for longer,  no way I have just for once lost the power of speech. Carry on with the dietitian and you will hear soon. That was in September I was fairly clear I would end up with a gastric band, so I researched that. I joined a local gym, its a fully integrated facility where people of all abilities were welcome. There was bronzed adonis lycra-clad poseurs. The instructors were a welcoming bunch of people. I figured if I was going preop it might help my heart and be easier when I decided to come post op if they already knew me. Full respect to em and I did a bit, but at 30+ stone after a days work the effort near killed me.
I got an appointment to see the surgeon Mr Kerrigan in January, I foolishly went on my own to an evening appointment. He did the most thorough assessment I had ever had he talked about the complications and risks. I trained at a time when the conventional wisdom was dont gas fat people. He said he used the same guy all the time and the team and critical were well experienced. He asked me what I thought the the risks of dying were. I figured 50-50 and I was still up for it. I was therefore relieved to find the reality to be 1in100. He talked me through the co-morbidities of obesity, ticking off those I had and mentioning what might come. He explained the op I remembered -  bypass he showed me diagrams but once he started talking about my offal my retention rate went right down. Just the funding he said he'll write to the PCT and off you go.
Got a date for August in June. I bricked it when it came through the door. Do we tell people? Do we tell my daughter? We went on holiday in August before the op, part of me felt it was my last.
It was a good holiday but the aches, pains, problems and misery of obesity came home. My daughter and I so whats life like at 30+stone

• in constant joint pain
• sweating even on the coldest day
• chafing and infection in every crease and fold of your body
• breathless after walking 10 yards
• unable to get dressed alone
• unable to get washed alone
• near impossible to wipe you bum
• worrying you smell
• sitting in the car while other people see things
• dint go to football concerts or other public events
• dont use public toilets
• cant stand long enough to cook
• cant do stairs
• cant stand at parties, concerts
  
• break chairs
• send wife into restaurant to look at chairs
  
• get humiliated in the street
• buy special clothes from limited suppliers
• every ailment you present at the doctors with is blamed on obesity
• people think you are lazy or stupid
• you feel worthless depressed
• a burden on your family
• unloved
• suicidal,desperate
  

And I didnt even really had to think about those that list took 2 minutes to compile.

Intervention at a serious level - obesity part II

Don't be kidded into thinking I hadn't tried anything else, low fat, low
carb, cabbage, calories, several commercial products, I never did the
groups. I tried one of the online commercial slimming groups, but spent
all my time criticising the abysmal user interface (day job see). I live
a few hundred yards away from a doc who dispenses a slimming cocktail
which I believe some sort of amphetamine with a diuretic chaser. Some
nights you can't move at the top of the road for psychotic emaciated
women walking with crossed legs and clutching their dosh. That wasn't
for me.
My GP had avoided dealing with weight issues consciously - he always
felt it was a step too far, and that the fragility of the assault on
probably what was holding me together would be difficult. My knees were
goosed at this time, I asked him to refer me to an orthopod, he said
when they stopped laffing they would tell me to come back when I had
lost 15 stone.
So I told Frank (GP) about this new clinic - in an adjacent health
authority area- give the lad his due, he go me referred after a wrangle
with the PCT. So with some some trepidation I approached the weight
management clinic, the out patients area at Walton is a typical mass
processing 70's facility, rows of chairs with arms. The dread of wedging
in to one strikes me with fear. Then clinic 6 has plain benches no arms
- back of the net. A small detail but I will feel more at ease without a
row of four chairs strapped to me arse in the consult.
A nice smiles and calls me Kenneth ouch always reserved for bureaucrats
and a scolding mother, she says what would you like me to call you, Ken
will do, great start, lets get you weighed. Oh God no, a trip to he back
of the hospital to a public weigh bridge, where a bell rings and
everyone comes out for a look. Nope into a room door shut take off what
you want she says. Have I time for a complete body shave says I. Next
question, will this flimsy contraption cope with me, well it takes up to
50 stone says she and you will be fine. I get on - its in kilos me and
kilos don't get on she said we shall let the doc convert it for you.
Back to waiting area. 10 minutes and in to see this Doc, top man
clinical assistant, big smile, looks me straight in the eye, seems to
respect me. First hospital doc I seen for ages that didnt sneer or
recoil. Nearly everyone feels something when they see a person as big as
me, and you can tell when its a big negative. He gestures me to sit down
in the biggest NHS style armchair I have ever seen. Carling don't make
weight management clinics but if they did .........Lets do some
measurements he said height, waist, I didnt even know I had a waist, he
holds tape and nursey goes off to the dark side, returning after an age.
I was shocked by my weight I thought 26, maybe 27 stone. Turn out I was
over 30, that shook me. He introuced BMI which was a difficult concept
to grasp at first. My physics teachers dense bone theory is poopooed. He
asks me all sorts of questions, measures my BP with a cuff that fits!!
Top banana, he does both arms, he gives me forms for every imaginable
sample and some unimaginable ones. I think we can help you if you want
to work with us. I wanted to kiss him. I was so relieved).
Appointment with a dietitian next week - for assessment - oh no another
white coated tennage skinny woman with an eating disorder and combined
degree in nutrition and patronisation.
Back home I report a successful intevention to wife, next week its off
to the dietitian. This ones different - not patronising, in for the long
haul wants to work with me. Seems as interested in head stuff as what I
stuff in my chops. First advice after honest assessment is eat more. Add
in breakfast - we are going to get along just fine. It doesn't stay that
easy for ever, next time we are talking about eating more healthily.
Less fat no mention of the D word. No diet sheets, no pyramids, no
leaflets made for people with a stone to lose.
I got back to see the doc top man we talk about drugs he says one is out
because I am on prozac and the other we discuss. I tell him about my
irritable bowel I can often go up to 12 times a day with explosive
diarrhoea, I don't fancy a drug that make that worse. I had two recent
episodes of faecal incontinence at work and the memories and stains were
still fresh.
We continue with the dietitian who i think is doing head work - I lose
some weight. I get referred to the physio programme - I was biggest in a
group of 12, 11 women nice girls who tried to make me feel welcome. I
have to be honest and say it was back to movement and dance at college
without even the side benefit of pulling.
Back to the doc and referred for CBT cognitive behavioural therapy.
Interesting one, as a mental health nurse I treat all treatments with
deep suspicion, this was held in the same building as the gender
dysphoria clinic where I was deputy manager. As a step towards
confidentiality I hover on the car park till I see the therapist then
dive in. At the same time I start a degree at Sheffield University part
time - the rumour circulates that I am living as a woman in Sheffield on
a Wednesday. Funnily enough I seem happier to let that ride then explain
I was trying to lose weight. Perhaps I should just explain I was the
archetypal fat bloke happy jolly not a care in the world (apparently).
6 months of CBT and I am off to France we have the best holiday ever I
decide to seize chances and go for them. I have seen something about
surgery on discovery channel and it looks to be for me. I pledge years
after starting at this clinic and going up and down a couple of stone to
argue my case for surgery, at the next appointment. Its a shame because
he's a nice bloke but once I have a mission thats it - Jean says you may
not get it you know (she is a realist). I press on and look forward to
seeing the Doc feels when I square up to asking for some surgery.

How do you get to 34 stone part 1 -A bit of background

This all started on 23rd December when Peter Baker from the Mens Health
Forum suggested I might like to get involved in a conference on Obesity
and Mens Health. This usually means turning up and speaking about my
journey and fielding questions from a range of health professionals in
obesity. This conference which is about 10 days away is different I am
taking part in the panel discussion. I feel uncomfortable about the
expert tag , the other members of the panel are clearly experts in their
field, but me, I am not even an expert in me.

So I feel I ought to explain why I am there. I have struggled with
obesity all my life. Still am doing. First memories of it being an issue
were in first year seniors, in a physics lesson. One boy "Fatty Hayes"
was 55kg, most of the rest were in a 30kg to 35kg band I was 2nd
heaviest at 50kg. The teacher did not believe the scales, he accused me
of having lead lined undies and just to make sure we were properly
humiliated he made "the outliers" strip down to their underwear. From
there on in I was different, and everyone new it. My weight in stones
matched my age. Physical activity was avoided at all costs, the sadistic
remarks of teachers and kids kept a gang of us (who were overweight,
asthmatic or socially phobic) confined to the library during PE and games.
I left school as soon as I could and went to be a pre-nursing student at
an Further Education College. I wangled my way out of movement and music
classes with a series of self inflicted injuries and absences. Off to be
a nurse.I applied for my State Enrolled Nurse General course, "a
practical course for caring girls," it seemed right up my street.
Approached by a tutor impressed by my 18 stone 6foot physique I was
drafted up the road to the big house - the local mental hospital. Where
my impressive appearance (but mild manner) was an asset. Though I
appeared to be a strapping lad who you would not argue with when I
filled a doorway, I had the temperament and courage of a big girls blouse.

At 21 I was 21 stone and concerned about my health. The occupational
health doctor I referred myself to, weighed me, gave me a leaflet on
rugby league and told me to become a front row forward. I found out
later he was team doc for the local rugby team. Needless to say a game
where violence was encouraged was not for me.
18-23 flew by in a blur of partys, fun, training, and excess. I lived in
the nurses home for 5 years and lived on bacon buttys, patients food,
tetley bitter and late night egg and chips. I gave up my 40 a day
smoking habit, and went on permanent nights. Naturally sloth like and
resistant to control night duty was the life for me you could control
your own kingdom and get paid more dosh. I never knew when to eat, so I
ate whenever I could. Patients liked me - I was forever getting gifts of
beer, chocolates and whiskey. On off duty hours I would never refuse an
invitation out I was (I thought) good company.

As friends got older and settled down I realised I wanted the same and
with two years was married to my wife. We had a child within a year, I
rapidly progressed up the greasy management pole in health service
management in the early 1990's. I was a workaholic, worked hard, partied
hard. We both had well paid jobs, what you might now call cash rich.
time poor I guess. My weight continued to grow. It would yo yo. Losing
weight never seemed hard to me. Maintaining a loss was the killer. Many
diet attempts lasted until 7pm on a Monday. I would work from 7am till
8pm get home flop in a chair drink eat and go to bed. Weekends we ate
out or had friends round. We were customers of every takeaway and chippy
in the area.

I suffered from a couple of episodes of depression, the meds and the
psychomotor retardation did not help my weight. I can vaguely remember
spending 3 months watching cable TV terrified to go out the house.aches
and pains increased. Once you get to 25 stone you do not weigh - theres
no were to weigh you. In the next week I'll reflect on living with
obesity, but you must be getting the picture increased energy input,
decreased energy output, yo yo dieting, gaining over time. It gets to
1999 the millennium and my 40th birthday approach, I realise I wont make
fifty or see my daughter graduate, or have kids and things get scary. I
get depressed and I eat, I get heavier. I have no satiety signal, never
had had. my best mate eats when he's hungry stops when he's full. What's
that about - it does not compute.

About this time Maureen a Diabetes Nurse Specialist I managed told me
about a weight management clinic. She said it with such care and grace I
did not knock her block off. There seemed some hope - I was in free fall
and heading one only way I saw something to grasp at.

My new pal

Andrew is a bigger geek than me - which is saying something. I think my dad (or his dad) must have had a bike.
He has put hours into the migration of the forums from The main site to here here whizzy or what.
For the technical or plain geeky we have gone from an ASP msaccess driven snitz forum hosted on 1and1 to natty vbulletin MySql set up hosted on the delicious site 5. How can web hosting company be delicious you ask. Believe me I have sampled several. we also have a vbportal. And as the advert says vbulletin+vbportal = easy content management system. We have also added in vbgallery
How wizzy is that. Bored or what.
Last night we set up skype using my new usb headset and microphone combo. Skype is great.

I shall have to tidy up & make me look like a blogger (again).

I have been busy elsewhere and turning back into a gym monster, now the inspirational Jack (stood on the end next to me), is back. I have agreed to volunteer to get into a blogging thing with the Mens Health Forum. I guess it will help me stay focussed and blog resolutely if nothing else. Also wondered about charting my diet and exercise regime. Maybe too tedious for them. I dropped them an email and the editor rang me from France. Call me a pain old Garston boy but that sort of stuff impresses me. Those who know me well should be aware my nose is bleeding almost continuously with the excitement of next weeks London sojourne.
Still at least there will be plenty of docs at the gig to pronounce me dead when the extravasated plump boy keels over. "By 'ell he was fit when he died, " will be the chorus. I manage to get a few things done admin wise. (ona personal level, ringing insurance people, stuff like that).