This all started on 23rd December when Peter Baker from the Mens Health
Forum suggested I might like to get involved in a conference on Obesity
and Mens Health. This usually means turning up and speaking about my
journey and fielding questions from a range of health professionals in
obesity. This conference which is about 10 days away is different I am
taking part in the panel discussion. I feel uncomfortable about the
expert tag , the other members of the panel are clearly experts in their
field, but me, I am not even an expert in me.
So I feel I ought to explain why I am there. I have struggled with
obesity all my life. Still am doing. First memories of it being an issue
were in first year seniors, in a physics lesson. One boy "Fatty Hayes"
was 55kg, most of the rest were in a 30kg to 35kg band I was 2nd
heaviest at 50kg. The teacher did not believe the scales, he accused me
of having lead lined undies and just to make sure we were properly
humiliated he made "the outliers" strip down to their underwear. From
there on in I was different, and everyone new it. My weight in stones
matched my age. Physical activity was avoided at all costs, the sadistic
remarks of teachers and kids kept a gang of us (who were overweight,
asthmatic or socially phobic) confined to the library during PE and games.
I left school as soon as I could and went to be a pre-nursing student at
an Further Education College. I wangled my way out of movement and music
classes with a series of self inflicted injuries and absences. Off to be
a nurse.I applied for my State Enrolled Nurse General course, "a
practical course for caring girls," it seemed right up my street.
Approached by a tutor impressed by my 18 stone 6foot physique I was
drafted up the road to the big house - the local mental hospital. Where
my impressive appearance (but mild manner) was an asset. Though I
appeared to be a strapping lad who you would not argue with when I
filled a doorway, I had the temperament and courage of a big girls blouse.
At 21 I was 21 stone and concerned about my health. The occupational
health doctor I referred myself to, weighed me, gave me a leaflet on
rugby league and told me to become a front row forward. I found out
later he was team doc for the local rugby team. Needless to say a game
where violence was encouraged was not for me.
18-23 flew by in a blur of partys, fun, training, and excess. I lived in
the nurses home for 5 years and lived on bacon buttys, patients food,
tetley bitter and late night egg and chips. I gave up my 40 a day
smoking habit, and went on permanent nights. Naturally sloth like and
resistant to control night duty was the life for me you could control
your own kingdom and get paid more dosh. I never knew when to eat, so I
ate whenever I could. Patients liked me - I was forever getting gifts of
beer, chocolates and whiskey. On off duty hours I would never refuse an
invitation out I was (I thought) good company.
As friends got older and settled down I realised I wanted the same and
with two years was married to my wife. We had a child within a year, I
rapidly progressed up the greasy management pole in health service
management in the early 1990's. I was a workaholic, worked hard, partied
hard. We both had well paid jobs, what you might now call cash rich.
time poor I guess. My weight continued to grow. It would yo yo. Losing
weight never seemed hard to me. Maintaining a loss was the killer. Many
diet attempts lasted until 7pm on a Monday. I would work from 7am till
8pm get home flop in a chair drink eat and go to bed. Weekends we ate
out or had friends round. We were customers of every takeaway and chippy
in the area.
I suffered from a couple of episodes of depression, the meds and the
psychomotor retardation did not help my weight. I can vaguely remember
spending 3 months watching cable TV terrified to go out the house.aches
and pains increased. Once you get to 25 stone you do not weigh - theres
no were to weigh you. In the next week I'll reflect on living with
obesity, but you must be getting the picture increased energy input,
decreased energy output, yo yo dieting, gaining over time. It gets to
1999 the millennium and my 40th birthday approach, I realise I wont make
fifty or see my daughter graduate, or have kids and things get scary. I
get depressed and I eat, I get heavier. I have no satiety signal, never
had had. my best mate eats when he's hungry stops when he's full. What's
that about - it does not compute.
About this time Maureen a Diabetes Nurse Specialist I managed told me
about a weight management clinic. She said it with such care and grace I
did not knock her block off. There seemed some hope - I was in free fall
and heading one only way I saw something to grasp at.
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