Monday from Malo

We wake up to a glum scene, it has rained heavily in the night and is trying to again. Ah well, I dissapear and blog listening to radio 4. I trot off to the boulangerie but its shut, I am not trying the hardware deli again. Back home Jean wakes up Colin had ben in thje garden all the time we had missed each other. Girls still a kip. We jump in the car for route Cancale in search of LeClerc Monsieur LeClerc has always been our favourite supermarche, but respect to intermarche who are close on their heels. There is also carrefour, some Lidl and Neto and Cosa which is a new one to us. In and scoot round for all we need and some we don't. On the way out we purchase a Magnetoscope for the girls to watch vids. Cost more for vhs than DVD. Have a croissant while waitng for Colin. Home via a circuitous route and breakfast and lunch sort of merge.
After lunch we implement our wet weather plan its off the Grand Aquarium for us. A sort of blue planet style gaff woith three maoin parts. The aquarium, the 15 minute show and the Nautibus. We do the Aquarium first. Its chocabloc everyone even the French do the same thing on a wet holiday Monday. Its heaving I don't like it, you can tell the Brits we queue and curse everyone else for not doing the same. Some of the fish are well impressive but less so the crowds. We empty into tented area with some touch pools wjhere you can stroke turbot most familes do the decent thing but one lot of french gits pester the poor turbot by pulling their tails and dragging them backward. Unimpressed we skip the show and the Nautibus and jean and I head into the cafe. Cidre of course, joined by Colinm and the girls we have a Kir Breton which is local cider and black.
Back to the house jean kips Ally and I play cards Colin and hannah spy out the local area. Not impressed with St. Servan. Spag bol for tea. Colin and I tasked to find cybercafe for girls. We discover two and then attempt to find a bar. We end up Intra-muros. We stumble on "Le cafe du coin d'en bas de la rue du bout de la ville d'en face du port. La java,". According to the card. It was weird and entertaining. Trapeze swings for seats at bar church seats for bar seats, all manor of dolls and signs and the best bit you reached the toilet through a confessional. Back home via the 10.14 number 3 and I was brave enough to ask the lady for a time table.

Out into the bay

So after a bit of the ramparts we are attracted to the islands, we shoot out along the causeway to petit baie. Beautiful in the sun especially out of the wind. Steep climb and well worth it for the view of the channnel.
So back to the land and its a cidre in the beach cafe tres bien.
Back into town and meet the girls. Off to seedy caff which so seedy its a betting shop.
Then we leave the girls writing postcards while we wander to the sea and being british we do what we must and paddle. Great stuff, the only people in the sea are Brits and a few indian lads.
Back into town. And look amongst the 150 retaurants for an eatery. Settle for cafe simon. We had been there two years ago we had another good meal. I had moules as did Ally.
After the meal its home to via the good offices of the number 3 bus.
Home have a game of badminton with Colin and sit watching bats in the garden. Then its into the house to play cards with the girls.

Should have listened to Nobby.

Nobby Forbes was our language teacher in first year seniors. I was terrified of him, he was a great teacher, a great man and was mentioned in the Colditz story. I should have taken advantage of his ability to impart the gift of languages. Instead I horsed about big time and wasted my chance. Its payback time. I woke up early and took a stroll around sleeping Marville I happen along a cross between an off licence and hardware shop. Staff it with Arkwrights gallic cousin and you'll see what I am getting at. First part is easy self serve sucre, cafe, comfiture, margarine, jambon and fromage prove more difficult. When it comes to milk things go down hill fast. I ask for lait s'I'll vous plait - he offers me garlic and goes on to attempt to proffer suggestions. I avoid the milking gestures and mooing sounds as I am uncertain of French mental health legslation. I give up and we go for black coffee. I feel ashamed over my ignorance at this mans fine language. Interestingly I used to be better than this but my confidence is shot. I find it haard to even attempt. After breakfast much welcomed by my housemates its Colin and I to intermarche. Fine facility with all a holiday. Maker needs. Most impressed by the fish counter and the British aisle end. They have us clocked with our cruchies OXO and HP sauce. Fine complex Colin purchases nice cakes then home. We lunch in the garden on hand built pizza and the girls have calzone. Off to St.Malo by bus number 3 stopping outside L'Hippodrome the jorney is memorable for two reasons. 1. Its low cost €1.20 and 2. The presence of an unkempt armed elderly Russian sailor. Not sure if he is a comedy turn or the real mccoy. Might be armed and fuelled on cheap stolly. Leave him be says I. Bus drops you a spit fromthe walls and we split up. Girls much round town we tramp the ramparts. Taken by the view across the bay and its many islands. Its lovely and with hot sun and brisk wind I feel better already. To be continued.

Saturday night.

So the ferry doesn't get any better and we dock about a half hour late. Off the boat and its follow toutes directions out of the town. Quickly out of Le Havre we encount the spectacular Pont du Normandie bridging the Seine, well worth 5€ of anyones dosh. Then on to motorway 1 quick stop for a pee and despite one small hold up at a toll booth we make excellent time. Arrive at St. Malo and find the place effortlessly. Monsieur is a kip in the garden and has no english and a nice madame also no English. Still we get by he knows enough to extricate tourist tax and a hefty deposit. His wife shows us the rudiments and then he wanders off to a natter with a french bloke turns out its for sale. Business concluded we head off to the intermarche we spotted on the way in. Its suprisingly near but shut. Hey ho plan b - we wander to St. Malo - intra muros, which is the best bit. We park with ease and attempt to undertand the instructions - ha. Off into the walled town and the wow factor hits us immediatly. In fact it keeps us warm for a while. We are not dressed appropriately, though there is a brisk wind. We take a pavement drink at Charlies bar in the vegetable market place square. I sample and cidre from val du rance brand - nice. Colin secures some muscadet from a fishmongers. We wander some more. Tea is in a nice caff gaff which has a mix of frenchies and locals. We sit between some italians and some people of unknown origin. Our meals were excellent 4 of us opting for moules marineres frites and crepe. Hannah went for a cheese and mushroom gallette. She helped me out by eating my pancake. I had precided mine with a bol of artisan cidre which was ruffer than the rance. I snuck a glass out of the bottle of muscadet. Top stuff back home and its back home for cards.

All aboard the good ship Pride of Le Havre.

We make good time hitting the terminal at. 7.10. Loading takes an age. And we are away half an hour late and make a tactical error. We had bagged recliners, the girls and colin had gone to the cinema and we snook off to breakfast. We didn't stake claim to our territory so lost it. Once again shortterm ism. Is our defeat. Result this two seater settee becomes jean and I's Gaza strip. We have claimed it it aint much but we aint moving.

Pompey

Hit Portsmouh round 5..30 minor misnavigation and find the premier travel inn with associated harbour lights beefeater. Both pleasant enough and booked in we stroll over to the tesco extra. A coffee in the caff and then back to the hotel. Much thanks to andrew who helps me sort euro assistance cover. Into a busy bar for 8 with a short wait for a table but its surprisingly spacious and is ok. I share some stuff with jean to start and have some duck which I couldn't finish for mains. Disastrous effort on quiz mschine in bar, which returns 3 quid for a lot of investment. Bqck to the room share wine and so to bed.

New game A34

http://www.rokgroup.com/
http://www.tesco.co.uk
http://www.bsm.co.uk/
Didcot is that Loopyboy land?
http://www.jpfruit.co.uk/
http://www.shearingsholidays.com/
http://www.pataks.co.uk/
http://www.vodafone.co.uk/
http://www.challenger-lighting.com/
Stuck in a jam outside Winchester.

Uncertainty

Part of managing my bi-polar is about minimising uncertainty and preventing anxiety by planning and preparing structure. The pendulum magazine (from the manic depressive fellowship which arrived this am) contains no helpful chapters on complete freakin disasters. This is rapidly detiorating to to that level I feel feel unable to cope on several levels, my anxiety which usually makes me restless has now paralysed me. The phone doesn't stop colin and jenny pop in the situation changes by the minute.
Stomach churns and bowels try to perform the same maneouvre. I aint sure what chemical I am producing but it isn't good. Don't do the 72 jobs I was meant too.
Light shines when dave the garage man says would I mind if it wasn't diesel. I wouldn't mind if it was a rickshaw mate. After 6 when he hasn't rung I write him off. I feel I can't go on holiday I am. Just too ill, going to bed on burying myself in a warm cocoon seems a good plan.
A cunning plan borrow mickeys zafira with integral top box. Seems a go-er to me. He discusses it with jane and fatima at the outsourced call centre. Its a goer. Bad news keeps coming its gonna cost good news its ten quid.
We set off micks face tells it all its a no go unless we take jane or him fatima had it wrong. No worries we take the box. Becomes clear that it won't fit either on the zafira or the laguna without an additional purchase. Get it in the back then off the plastic pub at winwick quay for a terribble pint of smoothflow tetley.
Off home jean makes colin a butty did I mention he is locked out of his house. He kips on the couch.

Next morniing git from the garage rings and asks how its going - mistake - I tell him. My heads gone colin tried 3 halfords couldn't get the bits required. Somwhow we squeeze in but I worry as ever. By 11 we are on the road. We are on the m6 snd the rides good but the traffics pants.

This is not good for my mental health.

Day starts ok. Pick ally up and we breakfast in tesco then its to the surgery for a quick appt with dr birch or so I thought. 10 minute wait 5 minute breakdown of my previous medical history and reason for attending (ie issuing a sicknote). Then 30minute discussion covering faith self loathing obesity surgery bi-polar loss of a parent cricket computers church and prayer. This boy is holistic powerful stuff. Out of there and off to see mum. Message to ring jean not good car aint gonna be ready. Head flips. Trying to get me a replacement car, problem seems to be going to Europe. Oh dear 12 or so fone calls. This isn't pretty. I feel sick, my pessimism flicks into hyperdrive. 10000 scenarios are played out in my scared mind. I can suddenly multiprocess and concentrate with alarming ease. My vision seems clearer than ever, all things flowing into a pit of despair.

Picture play

Colin came round last night more holiday planning and last minute remembering. Still no car Jackie was off yesterday and the standard of customer care at Lookers plummets. Getting worried.

Tis Wednesday the sun shines

I feel brighter today. Only forget six or seven times ALly is away. Quiet am doing this and that. Ally rings from hairdressers something tells me she's not best pleased. I talk with a friend who recently had wls. Post op blues is common tied in with a sense of loss and experiencing this rollercoaster of emotions thaty is trundling upwards. Like most blokes he has hidden away on his dark days. I do that, I tell him to get in touch but he reads this site and didn't want to add to my woes. Two points mate a) reading this stuff may be detrimental to your health and b) support is a 2 way street. I am a great bliever in a co-counselling model. In my world there is no therapist and no patient, we all just shuffling along.
The weather is good ( think I already said that). Get an email from someone who got a website card who recognised my nan on the site who lived three doors up from her. Turns out me mum is her godmother small world innit.
Off to the top score cash and then into the coffee shop. There's Sam top woman from SLPCT. We take tea together and have a good catch up. She's sound. Still blog watching too. Then its back home with the butties.
Incapcity benefit form - deep joy. 40 pages of dreary stuff. I can't do it but Jean does the main bit. Will only be a short term thing I think whilst I am waiting on a pension. Its a means tested benefit unless you are on the higher rate care component of DLA.
We complete the form in the garden then a much appreciated visit from kieran.

Et tu Brute?

We have to whip the poor lad off to the vet, Shakespeare the rabbit that is. Being carless is a pain so ally and I bundle him into his top of the range transporter and its on the 173 for me and the youngsters. Stop at the post office at Allerton Road on the way to pick up euros. Huge queue, and astoinished at the amount of thins you can do there many of which involve an old lady and a keypad and shouting. Seems you can even post letters there too. I used to have a post office set when I was a kid or was it daves.? Any recall bro? Great thing about a younger brother was you got two rounds of being a kid. Action man had got eagle eyes real hair, a voice and gripping hands by the time Dave got them. A bloody scorpion tank, jeep and helicopter too (not that I am bitter). Mine had a shoebox, a home made parachute. And the biggest indignity home made, hand knitted jump suits in a variety of old wools. Ee we were poor but our action figures were always tidy.
That started as a wandering about whether toy post offices today are as good as the old days. Do you get a keypad euros and E111 forms? Throw in a deaf old lady and impatient middle class grauniad readers and you are away.
Then its off to Crawfords the vet. Nice young Mr Chinnery, who is good with the boy. The boy behaves, gets a jab and I lose 24 notes we walk home. Jobs a good un

Tuesday - The answer my friend is blowing in the wind.

Onion bhajis give me gas - big time.Good discussion with Jim Pollard who despite being a jammy get and living in Paris is a top bloke. He gives me words of encouragements, several blog watchers are concerned with my low mood. Hoping the holiday will help. Too much uncertainty knockin about for me. My anxious side goes into overdrive.
Still no car but the nice Joanne makes soothing noises - customer experience from GBE knocks Speke into a cocked hat. Ally is off on a sleep over I worry I am getting high. Tis a git that when your down just feeling normal makes you worry about high. Anyway I give the blog a long overdue makeover. (Not too Manic). Quite pleased with the results.

Me and My Brother in the sixties 

LoopyLibrarian - Librarianship with a Jangle Angle

LoopyLibrarian - Librarianship with a Jangle AngleKierans library move hotting up.

Guardian Unlimited | The Guardian | Thomas Soulby is still driving at the age of 100

Guardian Unlimited | The Guardian | Thomas Soulby is still driving at the age of 100Cool dude - thanks Kieran.

Jim Pollard

Jim Pollard Me mucker Jim - much respect.

Loch Lomond 2004 - Just wated some pictures here. 

This was two years ago in St Cast-Le-Guido 

Monday - DIY and stuff.

Do it by someone else would be nearer. First job is drop motor off at GBE. JK follows me then gives me a lift home. We visit strange magical places I have never been in. Trade Ironmongers and locksmiths. Good job he is in command I am immediately transported back to second year of secondary school and the delight of asking the teacher for a bastard file. We buy locks keys bolts and stuff impressive. Then its back to ours and he shows me how easy it is to break in via a patio door. Took us ten seconds and we were being careful. He sorts that the front door and the back door. We listen to cricket in between. He shoots off and comes back an hour later. We are getting interviewed by http://www.lse.ac.uk/collections/sociology/whoswho/throsby.htm Karen is sound. We met her February the day I went off sick. She is doing a bit of work that you can read about part of http://staff.bath.ac.uk/psssr/weightyissues-spkrs.html near the bottom of this. She is a top sort, she doesn’t mind waiting a bit while we watch some cricket. Interview complete Jean Ally and Jodie join us for a meal at the Madhari. Top stuff.

Hope I get the car back Tuesday. Facelift time for blog me thinks.

Blogger goes abroad 

A diagrammatic representation of a Roux-en-Y Gastric By Pass. (ie my replumbing). 

The Class of '79 pictured circa 82. 

Loch Lochmond from Balmaha 

On feeling fat and miserable.

Yes I have put on weight. I know why, my consumption of energy has exceeded my energy expenditure. Its Newtonian physics simple stuff, first law of thermodynamics.

Booger. This could drag me down further into an abyss, I could start to believe that this is the beginning of the end. That within months I will crack twenty stone and all is lost.

Or alternatively I can sit down and rationally make a plan (that would be a first). So I need to decrease energy intake and increase energy expenditure.

Initial obstacle is our holidays which loom large. I have a date with moules frites, lobster, cider and many other local specialties. Breakfast is a feast in France for me, after a trot to the boulangerie its croissant jambon and fromage. So serious plans will be adjourned. Just start applying the brakes to the supertanker between now and Friday have a good holiday then back into gear. Jean and I resolve to do something in September. Diets don’t do it for me but I need structure.

Reductil is a drug used to help manage obesity, I can’t go on it because it interacts with the prozac. They do however run a sort of programme you follow when you are on it. I got a few copies of the kit at a conference so I am going to try it. To fully register you need a batch number from a pack of the stuff but we shall do an unplugged version.

I shall document it in the blog for posterity, and to enable reflection.and I shall even be weighing and analyzing my body fat on a weekly basis. I need to get it under control before the NOF gig in October.

Still I have the holiday to look forward to and I cant wait.

Before anyone is tempted to castigate me for weight gain excessive consumption try this for three years, the phrase it isn’t a magic pill becomes very clear.

Seems clear I either tackle this head on – or sit vegetate and eat more.

 

 

Saturday feeling down.

People often say they feel depressed, I wonder if they know what it means and how it feels. Today I feel ghastly. I dont want to bother with anything. I want to just get to bed, I feel a burden, useless and start dwelling on the negative things in my life. I start to worry about the future, not anything in particular money, health the future it all seems black.
I feel on the scrapheap - at 44. I worry that people think I am on the fiddle, I hate it that I look so well, and feel so crap. I see someone in the street and they say how are you - I generally say fine- most people dont really want any answer.
Actually I am stuck in a year long depressive phase of Bi-polar Affective Disorder - how are you.
Everything aches, everything is too much effort I am scared to say how I feel in case I taint everyone else. I dont know what to do.
We go to Cheshire Oaks an outlet village. After a 20 minute journey that took nearly an hour cause of the rain I feel yuk. Lunch in a food outlet in a food court. Yuk.
Then into a shop to purchase a waterproof jacket. I try a XXL and it doesnt touch. I run out panicking - is this the return of the fat bloke. I sweat and  breathe quickly. I go to the car and calm down. I feel really down and black thoughts darken my horizon. I fight it and go to another shop. It fits, snug but zips. Then I look and see its only XL. The 2XL fits well check it out.

Thursday and Friday

Knakkered car has a fuel problem. Needs to go in Monday. Lunch with Kim, Thursday, general chilling.Friday all off to orthodontist visit mum off home chillout.
Pick Frank and family up at ringway. Impressed with Kierans new database.

Cheshire Oaks Virgin

An outlet village. How did I get to be 44 amnd never do this
Big question can I get to 88 before I come again.

Wenesday Repat stage 2

Take Andrew home well to Helens 224 mi (about 4 hours 40 mins) by google maps and home made light and doable by JK - goosed.

Tuesday Operation Repatriation Stage 1.

So its Liverpool to Crieff which google maps tells me is
264 mi (about 5 hours 51 mins) nice journey made light and doable by the affable presence of JK. Pick up Andrew and home. which makes 518 in my book. Goosed

Monday Happy Birthday Dear Jean

Feel sorry for her she has to go to work, after the present opening ritual in the bedroom. She seems well pleased particularly with vintage roxy muxic DVD and Brideshead revisited DVD. I have a gripe with t-mobile over hthe T&C of my blackberry.
Jean gets home and we eat out at The Great Wall. Top meal of Dim Sum and seafood. Very enjoyable and a great night together.

Heart stopping cricket

It looked easy, but life has taught me things that look easy seldom are. The aussies were doing great worse still it was shane. Warne. Then he walked into his own stumps and we all laffed. Then it got shakey again. Then we won by 2 runs. It was a thrilling end to a great game. Then we hard to start getting ready for Jeans birthday tea. Having ther family round aint never easy and this is a full hit on jeans side plus my mam and eleanor from next door who we have adopted. She's as cool as a 92 year old gets. I have cross posted this to mens health blog and up till now it aint clear.
Its all going well then my sister in law asks me how I am - alweays a tough question when prefaced by you look great. There is no doubt physically I do. I have a tan that has took some work. I look in good shape though physically could be better. Hell I can even manage a few hours withou looking depressed. I can appear happy and smiling even inside I feel full of self disgust and loathing. Ask any fat bloke they can all do it. Jolly fat man les dawson done large. When you are trapped in a prison of your own making you learn to look happy. In fact a GSOH is an asset in all walks of life. So what wrong Bernadette asks. Then its every mental health problem sufferers dilemma - fess up or cover up. I am tending to fess up more to be honest. Though it can lead to some backing off, it kind of feels sincere and I swear people think its catching. Its nice to know if they do., usually they are the ones who say loudest there aint an issue, and you never see or hear from them again. !
Bernadette scores well ands isn't too phased. To be fair a minor phase is to be accepted. Most people think bi-polar is an american disease. Or that the weird bloke on casualty has it (and he came off his pills on sat night). Note to jim - a piece there bipolar in the media - how it affects my life.

Saturday busy busy busy

Getting ready for Jeans birthday tea. Tesco delivery, watching a great days cricket. Freddie da boy shoves it up the aussies. Most enjoyable. Off to tesco and a stroll to Allerton Road to see the optician catch turgit and heather tweedle en route. Two new pairs of glasses and back for the shopping. Off home and pizza for tea. Trying to sort the relocation of andrew next week.

Friday continued

We lunch in a pasta place. Then the drudge of going round shops and we have a coffee in costa at waterstones then home. I really don't like shopping home and tea. Off to beas friday night.

WebCams

WebCamsI wasted too long looking at these.

Early start

So its up before the lark about 5am. Earlier than I need but scared of sleeping in. Appointment with Frank and his family at 6.30am they are off to tenerife. I am stage one to manchester airport. Nice to meet amanda again and anna and ollie for the first time. Home and then knakkered. Then its off to town with Ally.

Relief done big

It’s all a bit anti-climactic having been on this roller coaster the last weeks and tossed in all directions I feel able to settle. I am exhausted. I whip Ally to an appt and while an hour blogging from Tescos coffee shop. Puzzled by the fact that you can’t get fresh orange in the there even more puzzled that the lady says I cant go buy one in the store and then drink it in there. But hell I rebel and do. A glass of fresh OJ is an essential start to anyday for me. I chug around pick Ally up then back home. Catch up with a couple of people then its off to get mum and pick JK and Jody up. We are doing Southport for a fun day out. Southport is a genteel seaside place where nice old people retire and the orange lodge visit on the 12^th July. There is no sea - well there is but its miles away. As the ladies play prize bingo we stroll along the pier, nice history to be found here. A trot round the town and mother feels complete. He says chronic liver and kidney and heart difficulties on top of diabetes and a worrisome personality but she gets by.

Wednesday Franks and St Pauls.

So its off to franks for the nine twenty slot. In we get he reads letter from eye bloke ok need to rule out pituitary tumour Asap. Two choices and its up to me. 1) normal referral st pauls and wait mebbe 6 weeks. 2) go down today with letter and experience stress but get quick answer. We pick 2.
Back home see ally tell her, go to st p in the royal. Then we are off. Get fields redone, then told the mornings doc knocking off and come back at 2 to see another guy.
Not sure what we can do and to be honest this poleaxes us. So the foody in me reigns supreme and we off to the other place bistro in town. Cept its changed its name it looks similar but is now called the side door. The nice lady who owned the 2 other places in allerton has flogged them and her partner is the chef here.
Anyway I do calves liver and miustard mash and jean does goats cheese and onion tart interestingly also chosen by fellow diners alan yates and sue rubin of merseycare. Good old sue she doesn't change much but I don't let on. Brisk trot back past cathedal I pass some prayers via the paddys wigwam which to them I guess is a broadband connection to God.
This bloke is fantastic a registrar but already a Mr. He takes an extensive history and is impressed with franks thourough referral and the opticians visual field report. He is impressed with my blackberry and is clearly a gadget bloke. I take to him immediatly. He is able to exclude pituitary probs from the fields. I have a consistent abnormality across 3 tests. I was worried I was missing something. He examines. My eyes so thoroughly I can't believe it. He stains them with drops then does it again. He then says he needs to dilate my pupils, checks I am not driving and does the deed. Come back in 20 says he. We head of for coffee and I remember what. Its like having these drops on a bright day. Jean sees some old colleagues. Then back down wait about 10 and its in again. More examination, jean has joined us this time. He has a good look and he decides I have tilted optical nerves and an anomaloy in my visual field defect. Nothing to worry about but come back in 2 month!
s to see low pressure glaucoma specialist.
Deep joy eyes now hurting from brightness of light I hold Jeans elbow to navigate to the carpark. She drives home I have my eyes shut. We have been through it and its been exhausting but we through it.
Relief juice now changed to celebration juice.

Walking in the city

So we chug around the leafier bits of gateacre and nether childwall. Its a good resource and an enjoyable pace. Judging by the lager tins its a popular yoof outlet too. JK is as stated many times a diamond geezer he listens to my moanin and takes the piss. He doesn't do bland reassurance but shows he cares in more practical ways. He points out the upside of head cancer. He thinks I am overdue for a face transplant. Now that he is clearly a skinny short arsed git with no bum. Who is the ugliest is the main topic of discussion between us. He will win every time he has the looks of a movie star. Jackie coogan fester to his friends.
We discover the brown cow oft fancied but never visited lovely looking old time boozer looks great delivers little. We swiftly move on the blackbull a nice lookin gaff from the outside but plastic (albeit nice plastic inside). It has very really drun k regulars too. We end up in the childwall abbey. That's thwe best beer summer lightning.
Which was a good forecast for the totally understandable mood which greeted me when I arrived home. Jean understood that I needed what jk called relief juice. I am cacking it.

Loop line loopy

Its 11.23 and just arrived in st pauls primary care centre.
Anyway back to yesterday past our house runs route 56 which runs from the pier head to th loopline, that becomes part of the trans pennine trail which is part of E8 which goes across europe. That's some cycle ride. Me and jk walk about the board at the triangle and work out how to get there. Down childwall park avenue past the mersey telly studios, home of brookie and hollyoaks. Past the parish church and then down well lane we pick up the track. Decision time southport or halewood we head south for halewood. Its the old cheshire lines railway loop line. So its a flat tarmacked path

Tuesday Doc Hibbert

Its a lovely mornin, and we are off to aintree to see doc h. He is based in strathclyde, a former mental unit in the grounds of aintree. Opposite the vets at. The longmoor lane end. I have met him twice before a top man with real good manner. In october last year I saw him and begged him not to finish me up. Seems odd now. He listens to my sorry tale and asks pertinent well thought questions. He needs reports from the prof before moving forward - fair enough. He will write to the boss to. Its a lovely day but the stress of it all leaves me knackerred. We collapse in the garden and soak up rays. JK calls round earlier than expected, we all natter. Allys gone for a picnic and jean wants to be alone and chill. That's cool. I have researched a route tbc.......

Monday - I feel strangely calm

Went to lunch at Greenbank with ally had a diifficult convesation about the tests and things we are then off to speke retail. I pick up some new earphones for pocket pc to replace mp3 player I flogged to macca. To be honest it was not a wise purchase. Anyway didn't lose too much in the deal and learnt a lot. Then its in to borders I sit listening to tunes blogging and chillin.
Whenever I stop diverting myself I worry I realise that in a couple of weeks I will look back and think - fooll you always think the worst. I hope
Jean comes in she looks worn out. Poor thing its worse for her. We eat prawns salad and get worried together, more of this to come for sure. I drink wine and watch crap omn telly. Worried about tomorrows occ health appt too. Deep joy

Wifi Hotspots - Liverpool - Results

Wifi Hotspots - Liverpool - ResultsIs it just me who is surprised by this?

Monday morningh help from unexpected quarters

Jean gets off to work she isn't feeling the best. Drops the letter at the surgery and has a cry when she gets into work. I can't concentrate I have several things to do but can't be bothered. Jim Pollard hails me on the Skype diamond geezer Jim. Speak to a few friends and surf the web. Find someful useful info and my view is I will be invesigated for a non secreting pituitary tumour. I don't think I have any of the secreting signs. I have some intermittent very odd heaches over the last 6 months, thought it was hypertension but bp ok. Can't reallly pin much else down - cept I am on a shed load of meds. We shall see. Anyway the process will generate material for the blog. Bright side trying to generate positives. Get some touching personal messages on the site.
Feelin a bit angry, the last three years I have had surgery endoscopy mania depression bipolar obstruction peritonitis pnuemonia depression. Feels like I done my share - can't I have some time off. OK whinge over I got lots of blessings too and I pulled through all this and will pull through. Bring it on.
Cancer giggles man do a google on it is a good grounder. Gallows humour here I come.

The Pituitary Foundation

The Pituitary Foundation Good site some sense spoken indeed. Some ideas to pinch.

cancergiggles.blog-city.com

cancergiggles.blog-city.com This dude makes me laugh. What a scream, some smiles on a grim day, reminds me theres always someone worse off than you - wonder if he knows someone.

Fame at last- from the British Library Catalogue

Order details

Article details
Article title	Bariatric surgery: further study is needed into the effects on type 2 diabetes
Author	Clare, K.
Journal title	PRACTICAL DIABETES INTERNATIONAL
Bibliographic details	2005, VOL 22; NUMB 1, pages 8
Publisher	PROFESSIONAL, MANAGERIAL & HEALTHCARE PUBLICATIONS	Country of publication	Great Britain
ISBN		ISSN	1357-8170
Unique item number	RN163188671	Shelfmark	6593.980157
Language	English
Copyright fee	£17.00

 

Sunday worries, mortality, and anxiety.

Sunday morning expecting two pieces in the paper about WLS this am one I was involved in by Rachel Cooke in the Observer, and another a member approached the news of the world about. People are worried about them both, me more worried about the NOTW than the Observer. I hunt around online and find a shortened version at

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,6903,1539398,00.html worried about the three individuals involved two of whom have worries for different reasons. My 11.30 my paper copy hasn’t arrived so I hoof it to the top. Get one and by the time I get back ours has been delivered. Mixed but awareness raising is how I feel – a couple of ouch moments for individuals but on the whole it doesn’t come out too bad.

I have more crap going on about this referral. For a bizarre reason and a trigger I couldn’t find I start crying at lunchtime. I feel paralyzed by fear, terrified not of dying but of endless visits to hospital and waiting for results and all that entails. I couldn’t go the shops, couldn’t go on my pc, I watch some trash telly. Jean brings some food and something is point together, some meat balls and pasta I think but my mind has divorced my mouth and its not even registering as a meal.

This week also sees my visit to Occupational Health – to say I am bricking it about that is an understatement. I don’t really have my head round how it works. I see the amusingly named DR Hibbert at Occ Health. I met him a couple of times and begged him not to finish me off. I don’t know where we go from there. The afternoon drags I cant even get into one of fave trash movies the epic a bridge too far, my head is all over the place. Jean kips ally reads and I panic. We eat some salad in the garden, Shortly after tea Frank my GP rings, He is a friend and is looking for a lift to Manc airport next week. Sure says I, after a long How are you conversation.

Starts with are you sure you want to know, Frank as ever is the man. Need to get referred and rule out a pituitary adenoma, this seems to offer a useful factual statement http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=5310

Have an Interesting, is this my anxiety fuelled by my irrational thoughts or is this on top of the interview scary stuff.

One is bad enough the two are a ball breaker – result being scared is natural. Frank also reminds me about my PTSD which is enuff to scare me more than any growth in the nut.

Can I point out that since worrying about this, this am I have an increasing incidence of neurological signs. These range from headache tremor, and just a sensation that have a huge growing thing in my nut.

Hmm a worry when and what to tell my mum, Brother David if you read this don’t say nowt to her. I shall consult with Mary – let her tell her seems a cowards way out but an excellent plan..

 

 

Hospital Opticians and Food

Start the day as usual catching up with people. Andrew is going home (well to Scotland) I need to get his bag up to him. Shoot to Aintree Retail Park to get a carry thing for Shakespeare the rabbit. He hasn’t showered yet so I kill some time there. Need a pee and food – in the desert it means McD’s. Pee ok meal deal chicken sandwich water and side salad not. Yuk but fills. Walk back to car then on Maplins for a mooch and sports shop. Stay longer than I thought but when we talk it can on for hours. Bully him about walking – felt a bit pooh about it but hey. Then home and off to the optician Allys in town. Check out some new glasses and sunnies. Optician asked me how I got on – he looks bothered when I say I haven’t been to docs. So I pick the letter up. Jean seems more worried than me so I am worried.Home Jean kips we go out.

A pint in Yates it was appalling Boddies draft flow cream crap. The noise is horrific we scoot to spoon.

Nice table upstairs, nice waiter good welcome complimentary bread (three types and tapenade (not for me).

A round of  beers coke for Jane –

A nice pinot grigio and a south African shiraz.

Starters Salad of scallops and squid with chilli and lime me, smoked haddock bacon quiche tart thing Mick, chargrilled asparagus and hollandaise Jane, gazpacho Jean.

Mains Jean steak and fat chips, Mick chicken tabbouleh and cous cous, Jane pork chop and goats cheese mash (looked yum) me a simple pan fried dover sole with broccoli and garlic butter and one of Jeans chips. Top stuff.

Them three have rich chocolate tart I was tempted by tiramisu but instead go for cheese (brie, smoked boy, sage derby and cheddar) and damsel biscuits.

Top meal 120 notes really enjoyed would recommend.

We touched on my health but diversion seemed best plan (ostrich strikes again). Its Micks birthday today so we bought him http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0002VF5VG/202-4906159-7735026 and me and him being sad old gits watch as much as we can.

 

 

Which means I need to brave Jeans car, (she has mine in the North). Missing the girls feel like I have been to a conference the last few days but kipped in a different bed in my own house. The rabbit is fair company but his conversation skills are limited. His listening ability is fair and he never complains.

I chug about in the morning - sad Geek boy Andrew is posting and skypeing from sefton suite at 9am. He needs some batteries so I pop into Sainsburys, see the Garlicks from across the road. Nice couple Sheila and Dave. I pick a few provisions and a taste the difference butty.

Up into see the lad, he is with the doctors so I sit reading the free papers. Ah private care. Spot a review for http://icliverpool.icnetwork.co.uk/entertainment/eatingout/tm_objectid=15794999%26method=full%26siteid=5006 Spoon in the http://icliverpool.icnetwork.co.uk/

Daily Post which is the local morning paper. Bills itself as a thinking mans echo, and for some reason I can never fathom it always has a welsh flavour.

Anyway Ally and I had a good report there for lunch a few weeks ago see Blogs passim - so on the back of that and this review we are off there tomorrow.. Celebrate Jean and Mickeys Birthday.

Anyway I digress, Andrew surprises me by walking down to see me. He looks 150% better. He has had little sleep and still in discomfort but better. I nag him to walk more. I realise how harsh i have become, I must sound like a right moaner.

I get home Jeans car is a close to the ground driving experience - she is getting a brand new one soon by the way.

Home struggle more with DLA form what the gits do is design it so its hard to get. The actual act of filling it in destroys you then reading it afterwards and seeing how low you have become keeps you there. GITS. I tell the truth and it hurts.

The into battle with wabbit - he needs a clear out and some exercise. the little sod scratches me to hell. Job done though.

Read paper in yard watching him frolic. Get irritated by a piece in Nursing Standard might even write to them. Listen to a good play on the wireless. Girls arrive home - I am pleased to see them. They look like they had a good time.

Tea is chicken salad, and then I am off to see Andrew. He is still suffering but this laparoscopic approach (keyhole) confuses the body I think. It doesnt look like much but my word they mess your guts around the same. We enjoy geek speak and some frank baring of the soul.

Hospital visiting is hard I am never sure if I overstay my welcome I adopt the when you had enough tell me I go philosophy.

I think the sefton suite staff must think I am sad but I only visit people like Andrew or Mac who don’t have visitors nearby.

Thursday in Short

Up mess, bus to greenbank meet JK for lunch. Up to see Andrew work on DLA form speak to nice lady on benefits helpline. JK picks me back up up to see Andrew looking better. Down to Richmond tavern with JK meet Kim Bombardier for me - JK shoots Kim and I get drunk and despite both being fed up have a good laff - does that sound daft? Go to the chip shop on way home ( I know) buy fish and chips for old times sake. Eat most of the fish and some of the chips. Sleep very well.

project

projectOuch this struck a chord.

Wednesday continued.

We agree its crap but amusing maybe. I shall post up a link if I remember.

http://www.seftoncoast.org.uk/index_news.html

 

Art is hard for me to get unless it’s a picture or nice sculpture. JK is of the same mind.  http://www.seftoncoast.org.uk/index_news.html We take in an ice cream. He drops me at home. Then he  picks me up.

We off to see Andrew, they wont us in he not long back from theatre. So we are off to the http://www.shipandmitre.co.uk/  the spiritual home of the Liverpool bariatric real ale society. I note they have made improvements which seem better, cept there is a very drunk very disturbed man in the bar. Really feel they should lob the poor sod but difficult call. The back room as a result is busier than the bar. When I was young I used to work through the list trying em all niow when I find one I like I stick on it. Tonights I am feeling was Ambush from http://www.weetwoodales.co.uk/products.htm winner of the Nantwich beer festival 2004.

Some souls may be interested to know that Andrew is having a ds http://www.duodenalswitch.com/procedure/procedure.html or more correcly a bilio pancreatic diversion with duodenal switch.

Wednesday

Up early and I am off out to franks for a much needed trim. Top man as ever dispenses wit wisdom and crap haircut. Then the girls off to newcastle. Jk picks me up and we head off to crosby marina. We take a pleasnt walk along the park path and beach. New baths looks nice but cafe bar let's down with no grog. I am on my jols as well as the girls a pint with lunch is mandatory. We wander into waterloo and check out a pleasant caff where we eat alfresco. Back along to witnees the anthony gorey another placee in situ. We agree its crap but amusimng mebbe. I shall post up a link iif I rememnber.

More On Tuesdays Health issues

I feel suicidal - really. I then go through the dilemma of whether to tell Jean.

It isnt the slim chance of being something rally bad, its the hassle of proving it isnt. Its wearing. Things elsewhere are up the pole. I talk to JK andfess up about my fears – truth is talking about suicide helps. He realizes that the next two days will provide me with ample opportunity but I have things to do and don’t want to let Andrew down so I perceive the risk as low. He will engage me in meaningful activity in the day and we can visit Andrew at night.

JK and Jodie arrive, followed by Helen and Andrew, Jean slightly after then we chill in the garden with a beer. Then off to the Madhari for a toothsome curry and 2 pints of cobra tres bien. Andrew seems in fine fettle, better than me the night before my op.

 

Tuesday

Everythings chugging along well. Useful morning spend some time witjh fi and nell talking about positives. Interesting that I find it easier to be constructuve and objective about someone elses self perception odd then that my own is so out.
Round to mums and we find ourselves eating in asda, she lilkes it and its almost bearable. Healthy choices are limited and small portions of unhealthy seems the way to go.
Do her shopping and a few bits for me. Then its off to the opticians millicans for my visual field test left eye. Turns out it was better than last time but still a prob lem. So I need to to go back tomorrow to pick up a letter from him for frank. Then I need to see frank then get refferred. To the eye hospital. He says not to worry they will do a load of tests which will include a couple of brainscans. Well anxiety boy goes off the deep end. First thought for me is I aint got the energy and resources for this. I know the chances of having something bad are small but its the process of the ups and downs of diagnosis that fills me with fear.

Monday - not much there john

Connected with carol. Wasn't in the mind for doing much. Weather patchy bit like the mood. Hm paid the paper bill a miserly 89 quid. The lady even smiled. The record is well into three figures BTW. Still she tellls me it is a waste of money 90 quid on newspapers, I see generations of newsagents turning in their graves. Could this be an indication why they are losing their market share to supermarkets.

BBC NEWS | Health | Ambulance blogger tells all

BBC NEWS | Health | Ambulance blogger tells all The boy done good.

backstage.bbc.co.uk :: Front Page ::

backstage.bbc.co.uk :: Front Page ::going to have look at this - first look seems awesome.

Yesterday was Barbeque Sunday Height of the English Summer

we were invited to two barbies - we didnt go to either (apols Val and Kim)
It peed down all day
And england got stuffed in an ashes test - deep joy.

BlackBerry Links - BlackBerry Software : Instant Messaging - IM : BlackBerry Messenger

BlackBerry Links - BlackBerry Software : Instant Messaging - IM : BlackBerry MessengerBlackberry users should run not walk to get this.
Oh the time we can waste(sorry the ways we can increase our productivity).

Monday the gloves are off

The paper shop have got nasty. OK fair comment we always let the bill mount. They start a tantalising campaign of annoyance which starts with skipping the odd paper. Then they stop for a couple of days just when I can be bothered they start again. Last week the poor sod put a paper in the porch jean was about to go get it and the little ferret took it back.
Then I Friday they did it - the ultimate weapon. They sent me the the day after an the stuff in London. To a Grauniad couple like us it was hell. Allys a Lib Dem at least she knows I aint sure where my allegiance lies.
Jean fones at 11 to say she aint got her purse needs petrol can I meet her at Garston fair enuff says I.

Sunday - more work with Andrew and committee.

Spending much of the am and most of the pm communicating with Andew, sorting out things on the site. Oh how the time flies. The weather is pants its freezing and the rain. Andrew is great to work with and we are sorting out stuff.
Just read through the blog and it should read over 1200 notes raised for charity.
Well Impressed - committee meeting at 4pm. Rebecca is somewhere in India the miracle of the net brings us together. I get on with some stuff afterwards. Enjoy the delightful Well visually delightful, the "team get on me pip" Nice to see places we have been.one complaint is its a ll bit too quick but hey ho.
Speak to Mickey Browne on the phone must find somwhere to eat.

Saturday - usual quiet time

PC and stuff. Andrew wakes up, the lads op is getting near and he is bricking it. Rightly so, I have been there. This guy has made such a difference to the site and the tech support that we owe him more than we could ever repay. People used to think I was a tech guru. This man is bright. My worry is we will lose him soon as he gets life back. I shall nail him down and get as much done as possible before he dissapears on a yacht or up the grand cand canyon or down everest.
Irritated by minor petulant behaviour of people. I pray for tolerance but revenge is my only desire.
How is it... the rant isn't worth it...All and sundry saying I told you so ..or didnt you see that coming dont help either.
More time wasted in diverting rubbish. Grrrrrr.
Anyway enjoy workig with Andrew we get lots done despite frequent red herrings. We make several new things available to members including a new sort of Snitz Forum view of world on the vbulletin platform that we are running. I shall post today and ask for feedback.
Ally scoots off to town. Jean and I watch some cricket. My foot is sore, and we head off to allerton road. Park in Tesco and consider were to lunch we recce crichtons which looks smokey and publike. The availability of mussels is a positive but the smoke and crowd turn us off.
Then we look the at the other place, pod and spoon. Reviews here. We had a poached salmon salad and a crayfish tomato tagliatelle for Jean.
Good lunch. Then off to pet shop for sawdust then over to Tesco for some shopping home and chills ville.

Friday in the PM - Schools out

We wander to Beas. The turnout is reduced Ruth and Paul are off to Cornwall. I like it there. The are gonna take in the Eden Project - I fancy a go of that. Home and quiet evening.

Friday in the am

I wake at 5 breathless and sweating. The breathlessness seems related to posture - how odd. I am hot and cold. The dyspnoea is relieved by getting upright. Cough up clear stuff stained with blood - think as a result of coffing. I have right sided pleuritic pain and still poo. My blister is rubbing and I can't find the plasters. I jump a 173 with ally.
A good talk to andrew takes me mind of things. She alights at allerton road I keep on till greenbank. I sample the delights of their new menu. I opt for a lahmacun pizza (noting carefully its description). A middle eastern pizza with a special thin pizza base served with a choice of fillings ie minced lamb or feta. (Please note that pizza sauce and cheese are not used to make Lahmacun).
It goes down well till the chef tells me it isn't turniing turnout right but it tastes ok. I watch the cricket and feel depressed.

Thursday the morning after

Surprisingly I don't feel too bad. 1 blister that needed popping on left pinkie. Bloody sore though. I relax in the am and prepare for the support group in the pm. Its a small turnout but a quality session. A preop dser, with her mum and daughter. A vbger seeking revision jodie and jkn martin a post op sleeve and two bubbly preoppers. They shock me with the revelaion they were born in 1985 and one of ems dad is younger than me. Sary stuff. We retire to the bar afterwards and have several belly laffs. Home via a lift with jk.

Wednesday the day of the great walk

I feel duty bound to do shag all(physically) in the morning, in a relaxation /preparation for this evenings exertions.
I decide to get my self clean and fed. I mooch and then phone Phil, Normas husband. He fesses to blog watching and found the how I got fat post on menshealth useful.
Jean has to mind Ally whos still isnt fit.
I protect my feet in all the places that I suspect may blister - I have a light meal around 4pm. JK and Jody arrive a bit early at 5.15. The weather seems a bid dodgy, but we go for tshirt and shorts.  Meant to report at  5.30pm  thought it would be a big gig dissapointed to see that it looked a bit sad. We sit in the car for a bit expecting hordes that dont appear.
So off we go to sign in at the great walk tent pick up some free snack bars into the ITV tent for a tshirt and into the lions tent where we look at the Lion, sort of life size cuddly thing.
There is a VIP trailer and a video man and phototographers (note for nell we need some loud tshirts - mebbe the before and after one I had - with the logo).
Nice lady who looks like Jenny our dietitian starts the gig off difficult to get the 75 or so into a frenzy. She introduces the nice lady who is doing the full walk. Then some ex hollyoaks and the games b-list celeb who I didnt know. Then the Local Hero a milkman who has raised thousands for people over the years, seems a nice guy.
We had speculated over the route and how many circuits it would be. 2 most three - we crap when the woman says four.
Then it turns surreal, this nice lady in a headset and tracksuit now has music and is suggesting we join her in an aerobic workout to warm up. JK mutters something ending in dat. The entire field including jody, bar 3, go aerobic crazy. strikes me as line dancin on speed. I am uncertain how to behave, I look at jk, our eyes meet and we agree, Ex big boys dont do this. To ease my mind I post tomy blog via blackberry. Encouraged by our hands in pocket approach a couple of other guys join us. We think after five minutes they'll stop after 10 it becomes embarrassed. the guy from Christians against poverty is loving it - he wants more. He doesnt have to be this nonsense lasts 5 minutes. We hack  the camera man off by only moving to fold our arms.
Come on we came to walk not dance. I can't dance no sense of rhythm. I am irritated. This turns to relief when we start. we have to follow a nice girl in a yellow jacket. They have chaned the route from the one on the map I dont like this it bothers me. We set off at a lively pace, to be honest I think its too fast I dont kno how far 10k is. Jk is ex-army hard as nails, Jody is hard and I am a fully paid up wuss. I am saying nothing. I am terrified that I will fail and lose the money that people have sponsored us for. Calderstones Park is a lovely place for a stroll, this is no stroll this is a yomp. I have the backpack on. We put the world to rights, the charity, the website, we discuss pasts and futures. This is mind blowing stuff. Only on Tuesday i reflected  with my Doctor that if I hadnt had the op I may well be dead, I couldnt walk to the carpark now here I am doing 10k.
Plenty of water and pace sustained, nutrigrain snacks on journey. Doing four laps of anything is demoralising. Same thing again and again.
We discuss the health benefits of walking. My heart is beating lungs working all muscles working, Good for the mental health - and the calcium absorption. we talk about a walk at the start of support groups or agm. we dont push exercise enough on WLSinfo. I am lazy naturally and it is my natural mode to do nowt.
At halfway this starts to feel doable, start getting rubbing on my small toes left foot. Suspect jk might let us stop if my leg drops off but a blister -no way. Achilles tendon hurting by Lap 3 but coping with overall exertion OK. JK has strapped one knee and the other is giving him a little gip. Lap 4 we up the pace and the final straight feels good. A great feeling when we cross the line and get a goodie bag , We don our medals and are proud.
We have our pictures taken and I feel ten foot tall - standing next to JK in the picture I look 10 foot tall.
Top stuff we hit the Madhari and have two starters each preceded in my case by two pints of Cobra.
three years ago it would have been no walk two starters a main bread rice and 12 pints.
 So its off home and the hard work tomorrow of saying thanks for all the dosh we raised -around 12notes for the charity I think - whilst feeling healthy.
So tomorrow its

BBC SPORT | Cricket | Ashes 2005 | Ashes blog: First Test - Thursday

BBC SPORT | Cricket | Ashes 2005 | Ashes blog: First Test - Thursday The Ashes off to a lively start. Me listening through the delights of broadband.

4dave.com :: Random Stuff :: 3d sidewalk drawings

4dave.com :: Random Stuff :: 3d sidewalk drawingsImpressive stuff.

10k

Live from the walk just delighted to hear that its 4 laps round the blog. Shit they have me and jk aerobics

Allys off Monday

She is deffo v.sick I look after her apart from a brief sojourn when I take a trip round Sefton Park with JK in training for the 10k walk, we exercise our mouths more than our legs. Quick Juice in Greenbank, Jack gives me a heap of stick (well deserved about lack of attendance.  Then home via Tescos. Chillington.at night.

Tuesday - Attending to Ally - nipped out to see Frank who dispenses wisdom as ever. Discuss a useful plan to control my drinking - then we discuss the merits of various bottled beers. All progresses well it seems. I am getting referred for CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) via the Mersey Care trust. It brings to me the realisation that the fear of relapse is actually disabling in itself. I discuss my guilt about claiming the care component of DLA. The form is a sod and the actual process of filling it in is so depressing intself. Frank tells me I should claim but I just cant get my head round the benefits culture. I suspect I may need to try harder. My DLA form is now complete apart from the section "more about the way your illness or disabilities affect you". Toy with the idea of publishing it here but it may be too sef revealing.
Strikes me the DLA form is more a test of prosaic ability than a reflection of your needs. Certainly the websites designed to help you fill suggest key phrases and "buttons" to press.
Off to cell group in the evening during the reflection time the though that if I hadnt had surgery in September 2002 I probably would have been dead now is a revelation.

Fat is the villain here in 'Obeez City'

Fat is the villain here in 'Obeez City': "Escape From Obeez City" Whatever next.

Independent Online Edition > Science & Technology Crackberry Schmackberry

Independent Online Edition > Science & Technology : app4

Sunday Ally is iller than me

Her tonsils have swollen right up. I tramp down to Tesco for a french breakfast, I acquire croissants, pain au chocolat, babybel and ham. Some lavazza coffee rounds it off. Breakfast in the garden, Jean rings unplanned care direct, who tells us to keep th e line free and a "clinician" will return your call. One does in the form of Martin Whittenburg - late of SLPCT. He directs Jean to the Primary Care Treatment Centre, where antibiotics are prescribed. Home via the pharmacy - garden in the afternoon. Missed Andrew this weekend he's been getting stuff in order - fair enuff. Spoke to mick he sounds well, he'd bumped into Nell who as well as getting an offer has found a place so I am hoping some much needed resolution coming for her. Talk to sarah who always makes me laugh.

Saturday well let's see.

Ally had picked up the harry potter book at midnight plus 1. Jean had picked her and lizzy up I was blowing zzzzs by then.
Ally had felt lousy in the queue and when she woke up was in a shocking state with her throat. The girls were quiet I pottered. In the pm. After lunching alfresco I decided to walk to tesco and the pharmacists. On the way into tesco I met john Ali from cell, nice bloke we had coffee and a scone. Then a kip nip round the store buy too much and powerwalk home. Quiet in the evening.

KREMLINAIRES

CONTACT KREMLINAIRES Heard these guys on loose ends - Ach Odessa rocks ordered the CD. Top stuff.

Friday Continued

Off to Borders like a tit I head chucke out Ally Parry Hotter reserve form. Made to feel a complete numptie by the staff ar Borders - fair cop guilty as charged.
Messing about with Blackberry I am intrigued by set up MSN messenger and RSS feed reader two essentials for me. Yup I know Mr saddo. off to Beas in the pm then Ruth and Paul CJ come back to meet shakespeare again. He is barkin mad.

Stand down Clare you are relieved.

Skype natter with Jim (Spurs following editor). The mens health gig will be changed now. Less frequent entries, more emphasis on the health related aspects of my life. The full product will still be available on kenclare.blogspot.com Jim is hopiong to recruit some new bloggers. I punt kieran (google on loopylibrarian). Him and Jim would probably dig some of the same crap music. I also suggest Tom Reynolds of random acts of reality fame. So goodbye to regular posting of dirge on mens health and welcome punchy (surely paunchy) copy.
I would be interested to know if anyone has picked this up through the mens health forum stuff.
Regards
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Thursday chinese lunch

Mooch round in the am, off for lunch with Kim. Pick her up at 11.45 we are both keen to avoid the collective outpouring of grief in Hammy House. Eyeballed by Veronica Bellis who emails me later that day.
We hit the tai pan where low fat is hard to do so we don't even try. Thouroughly enjoy it. Then off to mothers and home fail to to connect with carol. Girls home tea alfresco again. . Speak to mickey in the evening and put a slot in the diary for a meal, not sure of the venue yet?
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Wednesday

Much farting with the settings on my t-mobile 7290. First priority is to get rss and msn working. Reading blogs when mobile is essential. Flummoxed by the fact that customer service is helpful, how scary is that. Sort out a repeat script throiugh the good offices of Ida, drop it into craigs whilst parked in Tesco. Pop into fruit shop on Allerton road a purchase some fruit. Exchange greetings with the big ish lady. Back to the car and I have avoided the tesco trap. Feeling guilty I haven't helped his huge profit margin today I fill up on diesel on the way out. Read Ally's ICT coursework and am dead impressed. Eat in the garden. Online team meet at 8 which I remember and am 2 minutes late for. The chat software does its job though chat with 14 users is challlenging.
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Ken Clare in a sponsored event.

Obviously peoples junk filters worked really effectively so I have renamed it and resent it as well as targeting a whole new bunch of people.

 JK Roberts and Ken Clare who have both had Weight Loss Surgery are taking part in the Kelloggs Great Walk 10k event with their wives Jodie and Jean on 20/07/05 to raise funds for WLSinfo (registered charity 1103151). Online here

Please support us by making a donation (By clicking on the button at the bottom of this email.. Please indicate if you are a tax payer - we can reclaim the tax you paid through gift aid. Please note the currency of the donation is US Dollars which seems a quirk of Paypal.

Please help us by forwarding to anyone who you think may be willing to support us.

Many thanks in advance.

 

If you prefer you can send a cheque made payable to WLSinfo to

WLSINFO.ORG.UK
PO BOX 1093
LIVERPOOL
L69 8WD

Please drop as an email to so we can monitor our progress.

Many Thanks in advance for your generosity.

Ken and Jean & JK & Jodie

 

 

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Tuesday reflective.

The sun makes me lazy, the gym offers no allure today. Its hot on a cold day in there. I concentrate on topping up my tan fiddling with gadgets and catch up with a few people on the phone. The girls come I once again have prepared delicious wholesome food. After tea the bite on my foot swells to epic proportions, jean ministers ice and is despatched for healing ungments. All is well.
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Live from the garden

The blackberry has landed after much analysis paralysis I made a purchase 7290 if you are interested. Has bluetooth etc. The mollycoddled world of. nhs corporate it has softened me.
Ally and I went to see paddys wigwam last night I was impressed. Her school report impressed me too. She makes me prouder than she'll ever know. I nip in the everyman for a quick one (needed change for the carpark). Then home and a delicioius chicken salad alfresco. Colin calls he has acquired two tickets for the roxy gig which after 10 seconds of dithering she jumps at. It was the best ever she says.
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Sunday comes round again

Get a fair bit done behind the scenes on the forums. Quite enjoy the
immersion in grunt work. We have opted for a low input chicken and pork
salad ffor lunch. Too hot for roast dinner by half.
Mindful I didn?t blog the fact I spoke to mac and jude last night. He is
doing bit too much not eating enough and is knakkered. Its hard at the
start to get the balance right.
Get a really touching private message form one of our irish members,
thanking us for all we do. Prep for dinner well underway and its great
to see some new team members coming onstream. Heaven knows we need the
help. Ruth and ppaul bring shakespeares rabbit run which goes down well.
Lunch goes down well too. Sit in garden for the afternoon v.nice. Colin
and hannah visit late afternoon , we enjoy the sun then the simpsons.
Lets not mention after tea.
Monday am and touched to have an email from a blog watcher. Its
pleasing to know someone still reads this and even more touching that
they care. Just for the record I am not considering ect and no mate I
don?t think you are interfering.
I was up ealy, Ally has a day off apart from an interview. So I post
this from borders. Ordered new blackberry this am from t-mobile. I need
mobile e-mail a service for which they charge 10squid. Buying a mobile
truly is a black art, for sure. (the words of andrew) but I am sure he
is right. lunch in borders I end up with a gluten free chicken and
bacon- ally with my low fat paninni. Wander round the newmersey retail
park aching for green space . Speke road doesn?t do it. My daughter
prefers to be indoors on day like today. France should be treat.

Feelin kinda better

Saturday  had a good talk with Ally - busy getting ready for visitors I mess about getting stuff sorted for the tip run. Nip to see me ma and then to Tesco Ally comes home earlier than expected from party. Mess with Application sharing again with Andrew - content management and a ticking clock all moving us forward.
Andrew gives me a useful talking to on medicine compliance which leads to a download of this nifty tool for the pocket PC only gives you an hour to pop your stash other wise it marks it as missed and demands an explanation. I was ok with the twice a day dose but 4 times as a day has me reeling. I do all the head pills am or pm when Miss Ratched (Jean) is here to supervise. I started this Bipolar journey well against meds now I cling to them .  Its another gitty factor of this disease that at your illest you feel most well and feel least like complying. Had a discussion with a couple of people about ECT I was well against it but I really believe if Frank and Prof and Jean said it was the best thing I would have it. I figure if I could fight the decision I probably wouldnt need it. A reflection of my career involvement with ECT passes through my mind. The irony of a mental health service manager becoming a service user never fails to make me smile. I guess thats why I was always keen to ensure the patients got the best (sometimes to the indignation of the staff) I was proud to be seen as too much for the patients.

Feeling kinda low

Not a good day, I start with very negative thoughts and work my way down. My sort of obesity is born from a deep self loathing. Add the Bi-polar into the mix and you come up with a potentially explosive product. I try to keep myself busy but my wanders and its usually downwards. I decide to take a walk - I have a couple of purchases required so i hoof it via the scenic route to Allerton Road. I talk to homeless guy 1 by the abbey - I score him a full fat coke in a 2 for 1 deal. Then along past the shops its a fine hot day which helps lift my mood. In to Tesco where I pack my bag with more than is sensible. I yomp back home then collapse in the garden. The rabbitt seems unimpressed with the temperature. Speak to Andrew on the phone and we discuss mobile phones - I need one with data gprs bluetooth and qwerty keyboard. the Blackberry 7290 seems to be the kit I need. I am horrified by the GPRS costs I have incurred over the last few days but given my work style this is going to be essential. It dawns that I have never considered the cost of mobile comms since they were concieved. i am ashamed to say the NHS pay and I never realised the cost. The last abortive project I failed to complete was a look at phone costs. I know them now. Though Andrew describes mobile phone purchase a s a black art - I concur. The evening sees are weekly pilgrimage to ma in laws.

Thursday 07/07

On Skype to Andrew as breaking news about the london bombs comes in. Horrific stuff - interesting to see how it hits the various e-communities I belong to. One member of gp uk is in BMA house as it happens. Pete I guy I know is 500 yeards away from an event. I worry about peope I do and dont know. Words fail me The death toll increases inevitably. Tom Reynolds who works for the LAS is off but goes in to cover. Talk to another member from the site who has been called in to duty sound woman works at GCHQ. In the afternoon jk and I are off to meet fi and give her her pc. We laff most of the way there apart from the news and the archers. stop at westmorleland services Teebay just about the best services in england. Meet Fi at South something or other. Great time was had time passes so quick she done amazing. Well tanned as well. Back home and its cool.

Wednesday - back to the gym

I go to the gym and enjoy the feeling - all the cardio machines are busy so i scoot off to the park for my warm up toe gives pain should have it strapped. Into gym in the build up to the games announcement provokes xenophobia in extremis. I feel a bit off thinking i like all of em, foreigners that is. At the annoucement there is cheering and delight. I would like to go to see them. Lunch and chat to two carers about health exercise dieting and weight. Slate the chef who says he is changing the menu and makes me a healthy salad it was nice.Meet Jane from hope who I havent seen for ages.The Ally to the orthodontist I look out the window. Then off to Asda drink and a poor cake. Home after shopping and make roasted veg and lamb shanks for tea. Off to see Me mam she is looking good. the parking by her is pants - big doo on at the church. It gets windy outside and the temperature drops. Poor Shakespeare is in for a cold night.

Tuesday - opticians

Off to Millicans more visual field testing being deaf and myopic isnt a good combination. Its hard to lipread when you have you head in a huge ping pong ball and you are in the dark with a young lady. My results are ok in right eye and inconclusive in the left. Can they analyse deafness and stupidity. Off to cell group in the evening but had to leave early due to embarassing botty gas. Jean was glad to to see me  not.

live via pda bluetooth and phone

from the opticians, sad geeky but true.

Monday - a day I wasnt looking forward too.

Its the PCT's lunch for 25 years service in the NHS. I felt odd about going whilst on the sick. Reassured. Met a few familiar faces in the bar and very pleasant. Seated on Table 4 Jean is next to Beatrice our chair, I am next to Jean and adjacent to Peter West. Corporate services Director, pharmacist historically and bloody nice bloke. I guess he has been briefed about my status and is pleasant and supportive. We discuss the library I big up Kieran but there is no need - Kierans stock seems high. Impresssed me that Peters line on moving the library was let the experts take control. (Seems a good plan for a manager).
Its a reasonable meal crab cakes sea bass and cheesecake. Dry as per PCT policy, we hit the rat and parrot (pants) then M&S then Lloyds bar - Abbot Ale marginal improvement. Home and chill Talk to Andrew JK Fi. Much bunny fun with Shakespeare.
So all in all I was glad I only felt awkward twice when despite my healthy appearance I tell people I am planning to retire on ill health. The homophobic man on our table made only one reference to nutters so didnt disclose the reason for my retirement to him.

Saturday night & Sunday

So we trot up from Allerton Road. Speak to Jude and realise that I had got wires crossed Mac still in and going home tomorrow. So I pop in to see him, he is looking really good. Still these lap (keyhole) surgery boys have it easy I had a bloody big gash. I enjoy ribbing him about it. The staff at the sefton suite are as ever top notch. Home and eat. Chill bed.

Up about 9 and mess on the computer its quiet I chat to Shakespeare. Order a new flat screen for Ally from Amazon a snip at 117. Then its a quick lunch of egg and beans and off to Seton Suite. I run Judith and Mac to the airport - where I am posting this from. I hang around with the famous big boy wheelchair far more comfy than the standard issue. The easy jet flight is late but they are flying flybe to the city. Unbelievably the lady asks for the person meeting passenger richard wankey from Berlin to report to the info desk. Either a wind up or an unfortunate name.

1 pound buys you 10 minutes of access I enjoy 2 squids worth. Must take a walk tonight.

Saturday - optical matters.

Saturday morning as usual sees me playing on the PC while the girls kip. Mission of the day is avoiding Geldoff and associated stuff. Right miserable old git I am. Even Kieran has been sucked in. I dunno its the whole great sense of false global togetherness combined with Geldoff and McCartney that turn me off. Ally scoots to town, part of me was worried that she would scoot to Edinburgh. Anyway Jean and I off down down to millicans. Turns out I have a cataract starting in right eye and cupping of the optic disks but normal pressures. Need to have a further test done on Tuesday. Late lunch is a bowl of noodle soup. Message on voicemail suggests Mac has gone home. More to follow.

Friday - finish the conference.

Back to the LMI for the third part. Start the morning with an interesting session on pharmaceuticals, current and future. John Wilding is a clever bloke and a bloody nice bloke to boot.The ASO gang have done an excelent job and I make some useful contacts amongst a variety of people. I plan to get the programme and write up a review. Concerned that I wont fit in the time. From a mental health point of view I feel that concentration and mood are better than ever. (But not too good). The downside of bipolar is that whenever I feel OK I feel I am slipping into a high. I finish reading An unquiet mind by the Bipolar psychiatrist Kay Radfield Jamison it has taken best part of a year, but was worth it. I realise part of my reluctance to comply with medication and my unwillingness to accept diagnosis. I dissapear a moment to order her other book Touched with fire, which explores the link between creativity and Bipolar. Also order a 17" LCD for ally as well. Met some real good people on the course. After the lecture its a case study. Concerned at the professionals lack of  understanding of the impact of obesity and these are interested people. I shall write to John Wilding and offer my services for future gigs. Bit of quiche and salad for lunch then home. In the evening JK and I off to see Mac in the Sefton Suite that guy has had me worried but hes on the up now for sure. JK and I make a good double act the git is too skinny and ugly to appear with me though. He doesnt ever wander here so I am safe. Home briefly Jeans hit the town at Blundell Street, I drop Ally at the Unity Theatre to see her mates in a play. Contemplate a swift half at Ye Crack or the Pilgrim but decide agin it. Head for tesco metro and purchase a chicken salad subway. I chill with a beer and njoy chatting to Andrew missed our regular catch ups this week. Enjoy fartin with pocket pc.

Prof continued

Prof is good, his expertise reminds me how fortunate I am. We discuss at length all sorts of stuff. Metabolic syndrome and BAD(or is it BPD)? Bloods need monitoring he adds cholesterol into the mix. He says Frank and DDK have it covered. He is pleased with the progress on the work front. Then home get changed. Picked up by Ruth and Paul then its down to the Other Place Liverpool. I have spicy salmon rissoles and sea bass. Top stuff. Then down to the central dock to jools holland in the summerpops. Great gig.

Prof continued

Prof is good, his expertise reminds me how fortunate I am. We discuss at length all sorts of stuff. Metabolic syndrome and BAD(or is it BPD)? Bloods need monitoring he adds cholesterol into the mix. He says Frank and DDK have it covered. He is pleased with the progress on the work front. Then home get changed. Picked up by Ruth and Paul then its down to the Other Place Liverpool. I have spicy salmon rissoles and sea bass. Top stuff. Then down to the central dock to jools holland in the summerpops. Great gig.

A psychiatrist a meal and the boogie woogie blues

Prof running late, In merseycare I have the status of hidden patient. Set up by the marvellous Ann Deane when we implemented the mental health system many years ago. I dont know the details, I  have a special number and dont appear in a general search on the main MPI master patient Index. Surprising amounts of health professionals are being treated. I once again sit in the waiting room see 6 people i used to manage, only one of who acknowledges recognising me.(Good). Big wait to see prof but I dont mind, top bloke as ever. He really is an Holistic guy. I need to make an appointment at CAB to get advice re benefits. I have had the DLA form for 5 months and been too depressed to fill it in.
As an aside this pops into my inbox and I feel I must post it for Kieran.