Commando in Heathrow

I must have slept for about 2 hours and it wasstrangely kind of ok. I was woke with an enquiry about coffee and a muffin (least it sounded like that) Jane pronounced the muffin crap (well her mum was linguistically challenged being german) I agreed and binned it. After much arsing we got our luggage got though immigration and she me her son and we said goodbye I hoofed it to terminal one. Couldnt check in was too early. mooched. Listened to sounds and then checked in pleased to find i was premium economy, less pleased to see I had to hand in my perfume I had bought for Jean. Bought some more airside and some for me too. BMI lounge was crap. plenty of free ale (whoopee)but no shower not even a towel I had to strip wah in the disabled toilet using oldtshirt and bill grundies as a towel.Donned Big Apple t-shirt and new blak strides. severe deficit in undercrackr department so for third time in my life I go commando. This is not good news. Underpants serve as a protective layer in case of accident. I am nervous about flying, change in pressure causes excess gas release. Result stained premium economy seats. Also constant anxiety re flies down. Makes me check every 5.4 seconds all is well - leading to impression that I am a continually fiddling. Not good any way its cut. No sat in lounge tryig to make sense of blog and waiting for call for flight. BMI did score something by letting me check in online though that was impressive. I am sat in front of three heavily stockedfree bars. I have had some irn bru, sobriety is challenging again still winning though.
Been to costa coffee as thisplace has nowt what I really wanted was a bacon butty ended up with a crapy al day club costing 64 quid ad being pants. Sat next to three poles banging back the tetley bitter and the stella. ( At 10.30!!). Anyway waiting for call.