wednesday

Does what it says on the tin. Several interesting bits in the day, best bit a meeting with Andy. The management accountant who helps me understand whats going on. Terribly embarrased by the graphics for the Nurse 2003 Awards. Check out the Press release and the pictures dont try without broadband. I am bald, it is a scratch not a love bite, yes jean did cut my ear and yes I wear hearing aids. Boy we laffed in work,Ray, Jonny and Geography boy, it was a shocker. Off home and a laff with the girls. Lasagne and peas felt a bit sick but stayed down. Off to cousin dorothys to pick up sponsor money and raffle prizes. back home and a rest.

Tuesday

Met with the inspirational Diane Brennan who is doin ggod stuff with the elderly in speke. Gonna do a joint presntation with her at HC 2004.
Trying to get her sorted, advised her to ring Kieran , loopy boy. Then a emis pcs demo from rhiannon wery good, I am impressed. Home then off to gym where i do 5k in 52 mins which was nice. Then i broke me glasses int he shower had to ring Jean to come and get me. I eat in the restaurant and then meet dave and maria who i dont recognise, they look well when I am close enuff.

Monday -

Matchworks in the mornin and then Dave B in the afternnon with Veronica. It goes well and we get our heads round the issues. Then me and v, then CHI visit with Michele a lot of work. Cottage pie for tea , a sea change but a special offer so thats cool. Enjoyed ally lees banana and walnut cake at work look forward to carrot cake later in the week. Online meeting later, doesnt go well.

Sunday

Usual morning surfing the Web and sorting out website stuff. Go to Ruth and Pauls for lunch, where I managed to eat an almost normal looking meal. Meat potatoes and vegetables, it was delicious. Watch the unusual phenomena of England doing well at test cricket against South Africa. Still bemused at the thought they could win. Back home to more website stuff, and sorting out stuff for work

Saturday

I have made a rash new purchase. I have bought a copy of DragonDictate, speech recognition software which seems very impressive at first glance. It will however have to be carefully trained to recognise my unusual accident. It is doing very well and the technology has come a long way since last I loved it is (Looked at it). Been to the gym this afternoon, and done 5K in 54 minutes which includes the gradient for Upper Parliament Street the hill. Even managed several minutes jogging, though the loose flesh tends to batter the rest of my body. It produces a graphic slapping sound which disturbs most of the gym members. The contusions it creates may prove embarrassing if examined medically later today! Usual trip to Nannie Banks' and then drop mother off. Mother is as barking as ever, but in her own merry way. At least she is happy, and we can ask for little more.
Off out at night to Mustard for Donnas leaving party Donna runs the gym/restaurant. She is the tops and drink to much guinness, in the absence of real ale and reflect on life and the skimpiness of young girls clothes with Jack my trainer and guru.

Friday

Wale up in the Leofric strange gaff. Only two coffee sachets, they soon go. off for breakfast coffee machine is broke so its jugs. Smoked haddock so the lady feels bound to tell me of her time as a fish gutter. No need honest. Leave the hotel engage the ring road again. not pleasant but find the Conference venue. get there in the end quite pleasnt. Sign in delegate pack and off to the liason desk to find a gaff for presentation writing purposes. Find same and set up base camp. Goes well, finds lady who is faint who first aid staff bring in here. Turns out it is the green room type space. Meet a couple of speakers. Finish presentation eventually. Give it to Brenda the manager. HAve a look at the conference exhibition a place I dont enjoy. Go to lunch have salmon, and pasta and a bit of chicken. Meet three docs ok in parts I guess. They notice I am a speaker hear what I am talking about then dont come. Lunch lays heavy - nerves? Then over to the arts centre for the gig. The first speaker doesnt turn up so it all gets a bit fraught. Goes well though my obesity ad goes on a bit I enjoyed it thought lights and radio mikes aint for me. Leave coventry at 3 arrive Hilton park 5.30 due to queues and a grass fire. Chicken soup and a pancake in Little Chef. Drive home phone calls and a load of yes on the way. Top stuff straight to Beas then home good to be back.

Thursday

wednesday

Tuesday - good day all round

Wake up 7 am on to the site,email to Roger Lyon a geezer I worked with. He repiles later and I plan to go live with him 11/09/03. Busy in the moning Rebecca discovers the webcam and its Allys first day back at school. 10 am heads of informatics meeting at Hammy House do well on the sponsorship front. Back to Matchworks meet Julia from In practice systems their scanning solution is excellent. Get her carded and sponsoring me then its a chat with the irrepressible Kim and then Andy. A management accountant geezer and top man. Off to Storrsdale to meet Julie the PM and learn about the new EMISsolution. It looks good and I need to sort out my talk for friday. Back home and learn we have been shortlisted for the AwardRing the judge then its off to Ruth and Pauls for Bee (ma in laws 79th birthday) back home and then a bit of work. I am busy.

Monday

The day starts as usual at the PC with much thought and work about stuff. I become engrossed as ever in what the family now refer to as "Planet Obesity" I occasionally call in to Planet earth for a reality check. I lose track of time, PO has its own system and end up in a mad dash for my appt with The surgeon Mr K. I field phone calls in the dash up Queens drive, the delightful Rebecca a HR manager who does the site admin. I cant say where she works but when you ring her it says Good morning World ********* Council its impressive for sure I imagine it to be a top gaff somewhere like Geneva a bit like The Champions sorry I have come over weak. 1968 I was seven boy did I have the hots for alexander bastedo.
Anyway Walton Hospital is being knocked down, I arrive at OutPatients in the nick of time, to wait 30 mins which aint bad for the man. I get weighed by an embryonic Health Care Assistant who insists my name is Clare Kenneth. Look sonny its my name I know how to use it. I have taken to wearing my badge in there now. To no avail he is clearly illiterate. He weighs me on scales from the ark, he sees my desire to remove my jacket as an inconvenience too far. Though as he holds it he realises why. The satellite equipment alone weighs hundreds of pounds. A wait in the waiting area. I still instinctively sit in the fat guy seats (noarms) even though I surely fit in normal blokey section. I amuse myself fiddling with my Blackberry. Seriously though it costs 28 squid a month it enables me to send email from anywhere a boon. In to see the man. Spend an age talkin about matters WLS (Weight Loss Surgery Dearie). Nanoseconds talking about me, I manage to glean that even with their lousy equipment I have lost 77% of my excess body weight. I express concerns about diet and alcohol intake about which he makes the right noises. He sends me for a ruck of tests, where wrong name has now acquired a needle. I have no intention of letting a modern apprentice approach this regal man. His colleague an able lady who recognises me from the echo article sorts me. Off to Sainsburys across the road. Some top prawns, better than Tesco. Eat lunch with a delightful gang. Chased by a journo in the afternoon and refer her to my PR person Becky. Off home surprise Lasagne, off to see Jack, at the gym get weighed, going the right way and I aint bothered to be sure. I feel good. Sort exercise plan, 5k Wednesday, Saturday and next Wednesday. Go for it. Its tough but its a plan. Get home but the support group call guy I am meant to speaking to is working do park that. Website then relax.

Sunday

Much webbing and guilt about the Blog must get the files the youngster has done. She is tired and has a sub clinical URTI. I dabble in the kitchen at lunchtime and discover I have not a clue how to make gravy anymore. It comes back and I save the day. Chicken mash and gravy its the tops. After lunch we go to town to practice walking. We do about 2.2k including the hill in the corporate cup course. I see a really nice part of town up front and personal. Incorporating a substantial bit of the Ropewalks development zone. See a couple of red admirals and some fine buddlea on the way round. The hill near kills me I am minded of Sean Connerys Hill. His best film - I don't think so. What about the Japanese cop one or Clancy blockbuster Red October. I lose the girls due more to length of pace than speed and proceed alone up Upper Parliament Street. I am passed by a ambulance with blues and twos, how kind of the girls I think. But it passes me by, I have a boyish fascination with blue flashing lights and nearly fall down a fire hydrant that some one has left uncovered. Still its a good walk and back home for some healing ice cream.
Off to the Ship and Mitre my favourite aleouse for some Farmers boy and the preferable Jekylls Gold from Hydes. Meet a pre op and a post op boy we laff and what stuff we talk about.

Saturday

A busy day ferrying me mum back and to avoiding a family party by me Nan's able to claim exemption on grounds I am too young. Genrally the same Saturday as usual, punctuated with a visit from Ally and the delightful Archie. Me and the boy walk up and down the street swishing the leaves with our sticks. He wanted to stop but I pleaded with him to let me carry on. He and Ally have become part of the Clare household (loosely) a fact confirmed when Ally helps put the Tesco homeshop away. A quiet nite in very good.

Friday

Start the day early Sarah re options appraisal and on the way in realise I am gigging at this Next Friday.

Thursday

Off to Speke to a practice meet real people and re-energise. The ever delightful Ann who agrees to support the Disco. Lunch with Kim and talk about real issues. Then back to the office and chugging along. No gym again - bad man.

Wednesday

Need to fill in the gaps but meanwhile decide that just filling in the blanks will help somewhat. Started the day badly by waking up early breakfasting late and then .dumping, which isn't exactly what it sounds but is jolly awful.
Drop Ally at Nannas then off to work. Team meeting, some new faces, and some welcome old ones. Lunch with the delightful Olive, glad to see her back from the sick. Then a meeting with a nice audditor and then a dreadfully keen training sales man. On the phone in between to a photographer from the Nursing Standard. Ho hum I don't like being photographed. Look at web page that Lynn Jon and Gail have worked hard on. Gai; is off sick and I hope she is back real soon. Push disco tickets and off home. need to do something about that tonight. Home website, lasagne and then Winwick for the quiz. Very good to see Adair Mickey and Phil always a treat.

Lots of missing days

Thursday

Jean had an interview at frotress matchworks this am. Intermediate care team gig. She wants it badly so I help she gets it. Photographer calls at 11, He aint keen on the shots outside so he whisks me off to Calderstones park for a photo shoot. Very strange. Dont like this media stuff much. Off to tescos after for some prawns very nice. Spend the afternoon doing some invites for the doisco gig and sponsored walk in September. Takes all afternoon and helped by sister Mary in the end. Jean gets the Job and thats great news. Go out for tea to celebrate. Meet JK from the site afterwards to sort oput charity status. Home to watch :League of Gentlemen live with Ally.

Wednesday

Check out the Beatles experience down at the Albert Dock and coz its 20/08 Ally gets in for free enjoy it. Have a breton crepe and buy a tshirt. Most enjoyable.

Tuesday

Well news of the Nursing standard award is official now. Was a joint winner in the Gastroenterology and stoma care gig. Last time I won anything was on the bingo rhyl 1968. Made up and really pleased with the chance for publicity this brings for the site.

Monday

Sun

Holiday

I have dictated notes made from the records taken contemporaneously. Ally is typing them up using this nifty kit. Costing me 15 quid though.

ello from France

ell oall to busy to pos much but I am, thinking of you all.

Thursday

Jeans birthday celebrated today, probably too busy tomorrow. Happy start, lots of prezzies. I am afflicted by gout so spend the mornin hopping round. Discuss return of DLA with DSS, they find it difficult and want me to keep it. I strangely leave the house using a crutch looking more mobility impaired than ever. Self administered cocktail of anti-inflammatories kick in and sorted by lunch. When I find myself in Southport with Colin, watching two men fit a roof box to our car. Back home, speak to Richard web designer about relaunch. Off to mothers. Boots, weigh in 17stone 12lb ooer. thats 16 gone. Back home finishing stuff complete submission for this places award scheme. What are them pictures about? I dunno. In the evening call form Joan, Jennys mum to say she aint well can we leave later tomorrow. I go off to find Colin Jennys dad who has handed his mobile in. I sleep badly wake early sending stuff into work at something past 5. Right time for the off may be an opportunity for clandestine blogging who knows.

wednesday night

excellent birthday meal for jean at the other place joined by Ally who was impressed.
Went to the doctors for antibiotics then nipped into work then off to retail park.
Speak to Dympna chair of DOM top geezer, sounds to be already converted. She books me for a gig in december at their study day.

post match analysis

Well its done and a few hurdles climbed and dealt with. Train was almost an hour late but a pleasant enough journey. Met the charming Rebecca who bought me dinner. She looks different to the photos. Arrived the RCN HQ bit of a threatening gaff, up to room 212, surely 101. Met Chris Sudell Jennys partner, Jenny was in getting the grilling. I heard lafter coming out of there. Sounded like she was going down real well. She nominated me.
She came out we had a laff big time taking the rise out of each other. Then got loads of fotos took for the mag and booklet about the awards. Scary stuff and photographer saying to me to me, more chin (which one I asked, old habits die hard). Then it was in to the panel. I was bricking it. The chair of the panel was the president of the Royal College of Nursing. Top Geezer, dead nice then she made the panel introduce themselves.
Nice lady - chair of the gastroenterology sub group,.
Consulant nurse from A+E
Professor of something from somewhere.
Editor of the Nursing standard sort of like trade mag.
Independent nurse - called Mike Smith I burst out laffing. I trained with the geezer in 1980.
some top nurses about 4 more.
Then 4 helpers two writing notes. The whole thing was recorded as well.
Right she said off you go, so I did. Talk about motor mouth. The prez lady waved her card at 8 minutes, which meant I had two to go. I finished on cue and felt dead. Right she said over to you three tuff questions from the gastroenterology specialist. I challenged her im response but she admitted she knew nowt about WLS. Wants me to speak to her gang so a bit of work might come out of it.
The questioners all started by saying what a great thing I had achieved by losing the weight. There was a few gasps when they saw the photos. I made em laff probably a bit too much. But what the hell. I was dead honest.
Questions was hard. But I answered them all honestly and one woman accused me of underestimating what we had achieved.
There was only two in each category so Jenny Sudell thinks we is at least highly commended. The woman at the end said see you at the presentation dinner, so that was a bit of a hint.
Difficult to judge but they were a warm listening audience and I enjoyed the gig which is always my main objective. They asked me for examples of how we had touched lives and made a difference and I used a quote about a member and her son to illustrate what we is about.
Then it was back to Euston where I availed myself of a shower in Mr Bransons facilities
2. I am completely tatered, sat in the lounge with my hearing aids out and surfing their free wireless hotspot. So knakkered I aint much company.
Thanks to all for the positive vibes, I did feel like I had a lot of support today, as in everyday.
Now wait and see. Another days judging tomorrow.
Train 10 minutes late on return cheese salad and three drinks very pleasant. Got home and talked to the girls kernakkered.

Off to the smoke

Now Liverpool is a big city, but it aint like London. Thats a scary frightening place. Gold pavements and the queens house. Soldiers with red suits on every street corner. Pearly kings and queens and jellied eels. It scares me going there I know its irrational but it does. I hate the Toob, scary s I go everywhere by taxi even if its over 5 yards. Though I aint been with this new body so it should be easier.
Already told three people what my plans are so I thought I'd post it up.
10.30 train to Euston arrives 13.35 (alledgedly), bought first class upgrade courtesy of the RCN.
Meeting Rebecca off the train going to "do lunch" no stolly and bolly though
The appointment is 4pm at the RCN headquarters in Cavendish Place?? Then train back at 7pm. the giig at the coleege is only 20 minutes so if anyone fancies a bevvy and is free let me know. Failing that I am going for a shower and a surf in the First class lounge at Euston. Is there like a left luggage thingy at Euston, so I can take some casual threads to change into? I have no doubt I might be a little bit perspiration soaked by 4.30, not to mention jittery of the bum. Well thats me. Provicincial boy fron up north - where its grim and we keep coal in't bath Aye but we do like t'internet. Reet I'll have to go ferrets need mucking out.

Don't read if Squeamish - You have been warned

Yesterday in work we got talking about bowels and my op so for Gail and Sue the monster stories reproduced in full from WLSINFO.
A Roux en Y has two essential functions. Firstly it is a restrictive procedure, producing a small stomach, secondly it causes a malabsorption syndrome by bypassing a significant part of your gut.
I sometimes have doubted about the malabsorption bit and thought - doesnt affect me much but then over the last few weeks I have started to notice a few things changing in the bottom department. Let me elaborate.
I occaisionally like cheese, high quality tasty stuff easily digested good source of protein but it is jam full of fat. Before anyway says don't eat that at all that sort of punitive **** got my head to where it was pre op I think treats in moderation are ESSENTIAL:. When they become a habit thats when there is a problem. I am losing and feel good so I am going to continue.
This fat in the cheese is not fully absorbed anyway - how do I know this. It results in a phenomena called steatorrhea - pale bulky offensive smelling pooh. It wont flush down the bog it is a killer it just sits there defiantly smiling at you. In a sod you sort of way.
This curse first struck the night I had been to see Gordon in Leeds I remember because I had just nipped upstairs for quick number two when the monster appeared. It would not shift no matter what I did and it stunk. No probs usually but we had a house guest. And this was not for shifting. I tried it all to get it to go and that was a well formed number it would not sink the stress near killed me. But I would not be beaten.
I posted my experience on a nurses docs list and asked for help. One woman said add a drop of washing up liquid it breaks the surface tension and the jobbie slips away.
I tried this then replied saying saying dont put in too much coz your bog can end up foaming at the mouth and looking at like a scene from Dr Who (or Doctor Poo)
1 woman suggested slicing the beasts with a sharp implement - interesting but she had tested it and just found it harder to deal with loads of small floaters.
Jenny a member here contacted me and suggest sticking a cocktail stick win each jobbie with a union jack on and playing the national anthem to encourage them.
The best was a woman who told me this - when out she always putes a jiffy bag in her handbag fishes the beast out and seals it up. Depositing it some where eco friendly later.

2 things struck me OK for women you can carry a handbag but it might look a bit suss if I ask for a Jiffy bag when I need the bog - and what size should I buy - I might need a ruck sack sized one.

But more worrying what if it aint one torpedo type jobbie which is relatively easy to manage - honest. What if I have the wildies?????
This could be bad it needs more thinking about.

I do worry about this stuff, what if I am loose what if it is gagantuan in proportion what if it hapeens at work.
Then yesterday it happened I had gargantuan diarrhoea steatorrhoea at work. Thing is whats done is done. Learn how I dealt with it (or not) in part two after work.
If anyone was ooffended sorry but we all do it. Just not like me

More to follow

Part two
Previously on Pooh Story WLS guy smelly floaty unflushable once a day solid at home.
Yesterday the tale unfolds.
I was at my desk the pain in my left side started to nag a dull rumble distant thunder on a summers evening. Growing gnawing aching then subsiding, it gets worse belly swells a gas build up fart required. Open plan office forbids this. Stand outside in rain outside the boardroom trying to hoom inconspicuously. Caught off guard by a change in the wind direction, that was close no windows open. Walk around the belly drums roar the 9 o'clock express usually a strictly once a day service is coming back again. The electronic door thing mitigates against me it wont work, a turtles head is popping and I am alarmed. Senior managers don't have touching cloth incidents. Just not in line with the corporate image not to mention the whiff and the squelch everytime you sit down.
Up or down disabled or ordinary too many decisions will a first floor detonation take out more casualties. Hobble cheeks squeezed tightly to the stairs. Chairman wants to discuss aspects of strategic development and general natter I just need to go NOW. Five minutes later bent double and barely hanging on I hop up the stairs. The are only two traps in the gents and five staff never been both been occupied before, please lord.
Free Trap 1, trap 2 engaged hope its not the chief exec sit quietly regain composure the cold seat on bum sends the signal chocks away no control. The building vibrates and the seismic research centre records a 3.4 epicentre Speke. The noise is a cacophony of ear abuse the occupant of the next cubicle flees auditory canals bleeding and deaf.
There is a strange silence, a wave of heat passes up from the epicentre the local fly population arrive for a fest, then it hits - it stinks and this is the smallest room in the house. I am trapped in here and what can I do next???????????????

There is a lot of it in there not much good at estimating weight but several pounds is the initial estimate. Oh dear this is is not good Houston we have a problem. Paperwork is easy.
Lets try a flush Bog monster laffs eats paper then burps this is not good. I work in a designer built office made by and for people who eat sushi and have colonic irrigation in a clinic. The flush is obviously eco friendly to and removes the gear with about a teaspoon of water. Thats the theory flush, no response its taking a long time to fill good it must be a big cistern mebbe first was just unlucky. Flush - haha says bog monster, I am beginning to see facial features appear in the morass.
Plan B cover it with paper and walk away whistling , no there are only 5 guys ones the chief exec. The other four of us will need to produce, then they will have a turd identity parade and I'll be fingered for the jobbie.

Relax man pull yourself together all this stuff will make you nervous which will just make you ...... too late another pan filler still good news its eat bog monster one.
Radical action called for. Shut bog door run to pc print out of order sign find paper fill printer get sellotape stick sign on door. Stand breathless in the cubicle flush lift. Its got bigger there is more. Downstairs airfreshener inconspicuous yellow bucket. Back upstairs damn bucket too big to fit in to gap between sink and tap.
Due in meeting fifteen minutes ago. Last time I went missing I was asleep in the bog, told them if it happened again to come find me. Oh no.

Tried to help the monster go by shooing it away with bog brush not nice he spits and makes messy. Oh dear stupid boy. Now what do I do with that. Wash it in sink. Think - if I do the chief exec is bound to catch me it done look good. Take it into trap 2 flush and shake clean ok a victory apply paper wait flush hold press pray lift tara , no evidence sure I hear the x-files music...............
Plenty more of the same old stuff if required.
Negative feedback also accepted.

Part Three
The early morning express came early today. I was dancing on the landing in what can be best be described as the terminal stages of intestinal hurry. Alison was in the bahroom contemplating thefuture of the universe while I bang on the door. Out she comes in I go chocks away, then I sit down. Close.
Fine clear out another twenty pound carp (thanks Mick). Latest disposal involves the following trawling the bucket into Allys Bath and filling it that way the cinnamon and cloves flavour is nice too. Bung thatin the pan and scare the bog monster off. While doing a hakka - the dance the Kiwi rugby team do. Plan works well but for a system design failure. A large heavy object falls into the pan from the bucket. I yelp - open mouth not good in splash back situation. Wipe Glasses scream again - wife comes faints with acrid whiff. I resuscitate her, and look in with torch bog monster eating blue nylon thing. A body puff Jean tells me. A nylon device my daughter uses to wash herself. Let it go or retrieve a split second decision. Fortunately clad only in boxxers I ask Jean to grab my feet and I strap a plank to my bum. In goes the arm up to the shoulder, the beast is not keen to release I get it out he burps, boy he has BAD breath, decision put it back in the bath or dispose.
Answer see here Picture
Boy the poll tax is woth paying here.
I am sat shaking in the bedroom Ken 1 Beast O

Part 4

am lucky my job (jobbie) takes me out and about. Which is good. But lord my body has changed it dipenses foul substances in vast quantities with alarming regularity at the most inconvenient times, with little warning.
I have already shared some thoughts on the subject but join me know on my musings as I share my travels.

Yorkshire, conference in posh golf club couple of weeks ago. Seems fine all going well. The day comes to end business agreed my two colleagues and our supplier walk down the stairs the garden is loverly, those flowers the're so pretty but what an uncharacteristic fragrance. Is that rotten eggs and old fish tanks - Ken what do you think? I am off being chased by an acrid cloud of green vapour. Fart monster is awake and needs controlling. Once it roars it can't stop people lie wretching on the floor, wafting the air with their hands. I bend double in pain, the rise in pressure has but one effect an increase in pressure result more gas discharges. This needs taking out. I can't find the bog no toilets, I know they are anally retentive in Yorkshire but no toilets my god.
They have sky TV a but no toilets. I see a sign Gentlemans locker room - I enter toiletish tiled thats a good sign, smell getting better, full of toffs, oh no, I hear the tinkling of a distant flush no its my guts ruminating. A shower that'll do I'm desperate. No good a fixed head can't guarantee evidence disposal. A bin, Its a bag fixed to the wall wouldn't take the weight. Then I see it the worlds smallest cubicle - but it is a bog sit down jobbie, the vangelis music from chariots of fire starts in the background - delights bursts out across my face - DAMN Engaged I start my one man war dance outside the door the occupant is obviously very deaf, I am hopping shouting banging, Come you in there get out I have major surgery. Then I push the door it opens - quick inspection all necessary in place kecks down chocks away. YES YES YES! Noisy though full sound effects whoops of delight and bum joins in with full symphonic chorus. I feel good reach for the paper - OH NO. NO paper no probs wait a minute someone will be in. Ring John on Mobile phone he is outside no DAMN signal. OK Boys Brigade training kicks in keep a cool head under fire what is there within hopping distance.
I empty my pockets, three tissues one used the conference programme, a glossy and a piece of A4 a pen mobile phone swiss armyknife and a packet of polos. Wallet and credit cards. post it notes. Consider several options which start at scraping bot with credit card and end with self amputation of the bum. I make do and mend as my mother might say. Job done.
Press on flush - nowt, flush ok not bad but this slick will take some shifting. I do the best I can after six flushes, At which point I am swearing and kicking the bog loudly. 50% gone I write a pleading note to the cleaner apologising claiming medical immunity and attach five pounds saying having have a drink on me.

At this rate I will be skint by Christmas

Leave via the bar and say to the bar steward excuse me my good man someone seems to have been very ill in the lavvie.

Come out and pretend to have been deep in a mobile phone conversation in the bar I apologise to me colleagues who are stood outside a small open window, with frosted glass. I said to John a very very good friend later on the way home. I wasn't on the phone you know he said we know, Good Job linda smokes but pity we weren't deaf.

The crapmeister general

Part 5

Off to France on Friday worried about the bogs. The journey to plymouth is easy the one stop visit is easy. Services just leave an apology and a note for the staff after the cursory three flushes. As a service to the WLS community I will post my journey on the site so you can take precautions and plan your day accordingly.
The overnight ferry now that worries me buit its a big boat I thik. I'll start a pooh cruise of my own furthest end of the ship from the cabin. Never go back to the scene of the crime they'll never track me down. If they do they wont have the time to organise an identity parade. Unless I'm unlucky and there is a WLS support group on board.
France - now thats easier, unless Interpol have warned them I'm coming (surely Interpoo). That could be messy.
The gite, the nice caretaker just rang up, hope it isn't a septic (or even sceptic tank again) seven days doos wont be nice. If the man comes to empty it when we are there I'm done for. Then again could always ask him to insert his appliance directly and give me a good emptying.
Also the proximity is a risk, its ok for Jean and Ally they are immune now, but we are going with Colin Hannah and Jenny. Hope there are two bogs I can then be isolated. Buy a bucket first job (jobbie) on arrival. Hope its not a siphonic flush they are hopeless.
Jean suggested dumping in the sea - we are only 3k from the beach. Problem is I cant swim. so only go in up to my knees. Thought of slipping and drowning in that doesnt appeal.
And remember the beast floats no surreptitious work for me. Its full on stuff. And the tide - it could turn nasty
Holiday snap 1
And don't forget the beast is a thinking living organism, once it smells freedom it could do anything.
Like this Holiday snap 2
Oh no its got me webcam
I could go down to the beach at night now I just need to find a tidetable on GOOGLE.
Vive la difference
So practice this phrase with me

Je suis désolé que j'ai bloqué la toilette. J'ai eu une opération et mes matières fécales est difficile de rincer. L'odeur est désagréable, je suis extrêmement désolé. Ma femme s'est évanouie et mon enfant vomit. Faire j'ai besoin d'informer la police. Est là-bas un groupe de soutien de Chirurgie de Perte de poids près d'ici.

Thanks to Translator


I am sorry I have blocked the toilet. I have had an operation and my faeces is difficult to flush. The smell is unpleasant , I am extremely sorry. My wife has fainted and my child is vomitting. Do I need to inform the police. Is there a weight Loss Surgery support group near here.
For those of you who haven't encountered the beast this is part of a series all in the forum toilet matters. Make sure you have show all topics set. Apologies to the faint hearted but you was warned.


Part 6
The bog beast hasn't been out of Liverpool much since he first appeared. A little trip to Yorkshire thats all.
But today I am taking him on the train, and the thought has me a little worried. So being an anxious person I made a plan. Remember what anxiety does to the bog monster its his friend?
I booked a first class upgrade 15 quid each way and free tea and danish. Nicer seats too.
other advantage usually at one end of the train Hope its the front. Cause then first dump I'll walk along to the end of the train past standard class and into steerage. Chocks away in there. There's no way Mr Bransons paltry flush will deal with it so I aint even bothering. Come out of the bog proud and smiling and much lighter. The whole carriage will of course be vacated within moments. I shall then retreat to first class reporting to the "train manager" (whats that about) that an unpleasant peasant has been quite poorly, and he should jettison the offending carriage.
I reckon the journey is three hours planned, bog monster is half an hour to regroup and perform. Average Inter city (surely InterSh*tty)train is 10 carriages long.
No problemo jobs a good 'un Here we arriving at Euston
Train manager my A**E

Nursing Standard - the professional home for nurses on the net

Nursing Standard - the professional home for nurses on the netThe lowdown on last years winners of the gig I am up for in London.

Concorde Chair: Executive Desk Chair with Pulsor Massage (model 2416-18)

Concorde Chair: Executive Desk Chair with Pulsor Massage (model 2416-18)
My access to work chair which I no longer use.

Sunday. Summers here

Sunday morning work at the PC attempt and then fail to put an essay to bed. Make note to send pleading letter to Sheffield tomorrow. Girls go out for lunch I make do with a delicious count on us chicken lasagne triangles. Very tasty and just the job for this small stomached boy. Jean and Ally return with Colin Hannah and Jenny. Experiment withFlex 7, hours of fun. Then we simulate driving to France by going to Otterspool well its the first time we try the car with 6 in, Glad I aint Jean she is in the back. Have an ice cream at the promenade, really enjoy it.
Back home for a cold collation read a book about Overeaters anonymous not sure but some of it has echoes for me.
Discover there is a cybercafe in St Malo. Yipee. Right off to work. Last day.

Saturday

Website stuff takes the fore. Getting there and a lot to sort afore I go away. The gang on there amaze me boy we done well 148 members and nearly 10,000 posts in 6 months. Bit nervous about the presentation thing in London. Kim sorted me out with some tickets, cap doffed, nice one mate. Off to gym saturday afternoon. Too hot but a good time. Back to Nanny Banks for the saturday ritual. Nanny has a had a fall and the Emergency Response Team have been there, I think. Who would know once its been though the scrambler there is nochance of sorting it out. Mum dont look well, her abdo is swollen she is breathless and legs are puffy. I encoursge her in the general direction of the GP's. She feels ok though she says. I have to admit I dont think she tells me the truth since the last time I had her bundled off to the Royal.
Still, never mind. Have tea and then a very pleasant saturday evening spent in Borders top gaff but costs a bloody fortune every time we go. Buy more birthday presents.
Our thoughts turn to holidays and we get into a mad frenzy of planning. The caretaker from the gite we are stopping in rings up. Can't wait.

Friday

Started at 3 am too early for me, picked Ruth and Paul up at 3.45 then off to Manchester. Worked at the PC then crawled backi nto our bed which already seemed full.
A fruitful day and i even find time for a bit of essay writing. Off to see Dr M at Speke, went ok back to the mtchworks via boots for some grub. Tony from the auditors in the afternoon top flight bloke. Sense of humour - Auditor thats two that I have met- yes Kim you are the other one. Friday night and its off to a secret party at the Tudor rooms. Dave a guy I work with has been in a war in the gulf. So bedecked in Union Jacks we're away. I found it difficult to square his going with my political beliefs. I wished him well and it appears that we are all celebrating his return which is something to give thanks for. He hasn't had a very good time but he don't make a fuss. I have a few pints of guinees with the mccoy man. Shock our wives by having our picture taken together, Jean calls him my greasy lover, a very derogatory term for a top geezer.

Thursday

Start the day bad by going to the dentist at the wrong time so substitute with a trip to the barbers instead. Even get round to a bit of essay writing. Set up a web cam for a gas at. Go to curry club hit the 2008 and triple hop at the excellent dispensary aleouse. Then off to the Masterchef. Stay for pappodums and a chat than taxi home. No late night for me early trip to manchester airport indicated. Taking Ruth and Paul on the start of their Peruvian extravagnza.

wednesday shopping and avoidance

Shopping for Jeans birthday present very fruitful. Me and Ally fell out.
Didn't get shortlisted for the BUPA award - doh.
Off to Winwick in the evening to see a mate with trouble. He didnt turn up and i enjoyed a bit of the quiz. Till they made a show of me by announcing my weight loss. Got home had a bottle of Thwaites Lancaster Bomber. And Youngs Ramrod. Family Brewers link very good.

Tuesday Big Day support group

Busy in work sorting stuff the home handyish. jean aint well so Ipick Ally up and off to tesco woolton.Pick some canneloni for tea for wolf it down.
Off to the Glaxo for the support group, top gig, 40 + turn up. Jenny the dietitian gives an excellent account of herself here. Mr Kerrigan the surgeon turns up as well as a gang of geezers from the site. Good vibe. Jane comes up from essex. Nice one. Get away about 10.30 Jean looks lots better.

Monday reflections

Wall to wall meetings, extended management team, GMS contract working group, clinical governance steering group, followed by Desk top roll out.
The off to wrestle the car back from the clutches of Lookers. Hate those places. Dave Carson my mate who works in one has told me stories from their side. This fills me with fear and makes me completely irrational. Combine this with my deafness for a great recipe. Good afternoon sir what is the registration number of your vehicle. Its blue says I helpfully. One look for the knowing geezer behind the desk says it all. Then the carpark, the drop the cars into absurdly tight spaces using a gantry crane then all sit wetting themselves laffing at the customers expense. Then they clear up with the inevitable repairwork. 140 squid lighter and only half the work done I scoot. Home to the family we are having a move around of rooms so that should be fun. Jeans laptop is broke deep joy. But good news the new version of MSN messenger allows me to waste time I aint got playing games.
Tuesday will be better. Support group meeting tonight - Jenny Hughes speaking.

Monday Monday

New GMS contract working group today so a quick shufti at some stuff, on the net. Its preceded by the extended management team a monthly gig for the top echelon of management in the PCT. The clinical governance then desktop roll out a busy day all round really. Set up a blog for the info. Kieran Loopyboy helps me out.

WLSINFO – the Premier UK source of information and support for those who have had or are considering Weight Loss Surgery

And this as well - in between lunch at Ruth and Pauls - quietly goosed now.
WLSINFO – the Premier UK source of information and support for those who have had or are considering Weight Loss Surgery

Weight Loss Surgery Information and Support

Spent a fair bit of time on this as well
Weight Loss Surgery Information and Support

PowerPoint Presentation

PowerPoint Presentation

This is part of what I have been up to today

Saturday

Still no car, spend the day avoiding doing any work.

Friday

Into work and sort out car. Good day sorting stuff feel like I am getting there work wise. Get a lift home off Jon. Good guy who is very bright. Off to grandmas see ruth and paul. I am taking them to the airport for their Peruvian adventure next week at 4am on Friday.

Thursday

Payroll meeting, then off to Hammy for an EMIS PCS meeting with Rob from Yorkshire whose new baby is called Freddie.
Then a workshop at Blackburn House about community system replacements, led by the management consultant Tim Tett who I asked was he offensive but nobody else was old enuff to get it. I wanted to write anagrams of his name. Sat next to super physio Heather tweedale, had a laff. See her in tescos sometimes shes still reading the blog too. Big trouble with hearing aids in this gaff. Ring Kim my matchworks friend bt she has already split for Paris, lucky lady. Go home picking ally up at nannas. Jean has been in to work and it went well.
Then Jean and ally go out OK till an incident involving wife tesco garage and unleaded petrol in a diesel engine. Not good. AA recovery they get home ok later, uncle colin is here he sees funny side. Difficult toget upset really coz it could have easily have been me.

Wednesday

Busy day again wall to wall meetings, start the with a meeting about IT support for disabled staff - result. Into a meeting with the irrepressible Ray C, soon to join us in the matchworks. Quick lunch then a meetinng with Nev the money man. Straight into a one to one with Val my boss, good one. On to Tony Woods who confesses to blog watching, a St Helens geezer, pimletts pie fan, staunch rugby league man and long time colleague fom North Mersey Community Trust. Found this for you Tonyenjoy.
Home and busy.

Tuesday

10 am start so two hours website and work email stuff then into Hammy House. Talking abou the future of Veronicas project with her and Fran. Shes done well our V. Then a meeting with Management consultants "instant yuk factor" about the options appraisal gig on Thursday. Then some accountants about trying to understand some systems stuff. Nice people for accountants. To be fair I aint met that many but with a few exceptions they aint overly impressed. The some career advice for someone. Steam cuisine lunch microwaved in the sparse facilities at Hammy. A meeting about PCS with the team from Central. Home and a bit sick after the salmon for tea it was pan fried I think that was the problem. Fell asleep afterwards through the effort of heaving. Awoke web work. Then a brisk walk with the family. Jeans laptop dont look well. Thats bad news.

Monday.

Work starts early, team meeting, Christine starts well managing the techs. Off to Greenbank for a guest appearance at HR awayday, not sure why I am there but get a nice lunch. Meeting about diabetes and then working hard with Jon to pare down my inbox. Prepare bio for Kim for Gig at HFMA Assist conference next year. Home some phone counselling then website work and bed.

Sunday, Holy Joe

Frontline in the morning, home for lunch then all saints at night. Mr Religious or what. Very good address at Frontline by a local GP. Good stuff.

Saturday

Is work on the website in the morning go the gym day. Bit shocked at the fact I have been shortlisted for the RCN's Nurse 2003 awards. Get invited to Ruth and Toms for a few drinks to celebrate Toms 50th birthday. Very pleasant. Ally had a good time at the frenzy at Hope University - which is a kind of rave for teenagers.
How square daddio.

Friday

No work today so I only go in for two hours. Then off to town for some togs. Nothing for me in HArvey Malcolm so its off to M&S. Liverpool store dontdo my size so off to Gemini after a stop off at the dentist. This thing in the roof of my mouth is another tooth which never had room to grow and is no trying to exploit a gap created last year. The geezer says it wont fit and needs pulling but i'll need "a nick in the gum" dont like the sound of that. Gemini comes up trumps I am happy in the sartorial department.
The big silver wedding doo for Ruth and Paul goes down well at the Thistle, formerly the Atlantic Tower.

Thursday

PROPEL again This time at Aintree racecourse goes well. Working closely with Bob Director of Health Informatics has been risky but got things done and come out of it OK. PM off to Greenbank to meet with Phil and the Romania gang. Only Megan turns up and we get chucked out of the restaurant by 7. So its off to the Richmond Tavern. Pleasant evening.

Wednesday

Busy at work get lost in Runcor looking for North Cheshire PCT. Another PROPEL event this time at LACE in blistering heat. Off to see a potential pre-op with JK poor girl not sure if she wants the op. I think she wanted someone to tell her what to do. Not me I am afraid. Picked Ruth and Paul up under the guise of a trip to Winwick for the quiz took them to ours where the rest of the clan were waiting. Surprise, anniversary partyette in the garden. Give em their pressies big cases for their Peruvian trip. VERY NICE.

Tuesday Busy again

Mad day off to Ruth and Pauls at night to see Phil back up here for a week. Always nice to see his smiling face and daily mail xenophobe policies. (We love him despite both).

Monday comes round to quick

Dr McCoy and Diana come round to install new kit on PC. The girls drink and insult us. We mess happily in the dining room it doesnt go well and everything that can wrong does go wrong.

Sunday

The Kirk, then family for lunch and most pleasant sitting the garden.

Saturday.

Boy have I fallen behind, time to catch up I fear. Spend the morning easing my aching head and pretending to write an essay. Lots of procrastination. Off to the gym for a bit of a workout.
Home and then garden. Very pleasant evening.

Friday

Eileens Leaving day, emotional for her went out to Marentos Lark Lane good night but imbibed a bit too much. Sore head next day. Had a busy week, lots happening at home but need to get more up to date in blogging.

Thursday

Went to PROPEL gig at Bridge chapel big informatics thing. Bit poorly attended I thought. I was doing a turn with Bob from Informatics went well.

Wednesday

Good day plenty sorted.

Tuesday

Busy day Catch up with Val da boss - sort out some stuff. Helene from Infomation governance then lunch with Kim. She has big news to tell me.
BAck to the matchworks and see Patricia a health informatics geezer from Uruguay.

Monday

A workshop at the Blackburne house. Picked up two district nurses sue and sandra on the way. Fine gig. Overwhelmed by jargon at the start at and how did the ordinary humans there feel? Enjoyed it up front and personal with clinicians. This is where I want to be might actually make a difference. Everday Head of Informatics stuff just aint this much buzz.

Sunday

Ruth Paul Bea and Alan round for lunch goes well. Think about college work but dont do any. 24 excellent

Saturday

Gym excellent workout with Guru Jack ask if he thinks I can do Corporate cup in September. Yes he says so off I go and work 5k in 58 mins no hands. Yeeha. Go to see YES with Micket and his lad Phil at the Kings dock. Good in part.

Friday

I awoke stiff from walking and dancing last night. In to work despite being on a day off which is cool. Caught up with Gill who is providing me with admin support. Feel better after that. Then its off to Boots for my full hearing assessment. People may not have realised but I am deaf. I was first tested in 1983 and told I needed a hearing aid then. But I could not get one due to vanity or whatever. Its got worse with time but before the op it seemed a minor issue. Post op and following the move to the matchworks I have resolved to get it sorted. I got a thorough assessment from a audioetrist from Carlisle. And I need two hearing aids no surprise to me the price was though 1200-1800 per ear or 52 squid a month I opt for these top boys. As soon as she puts them in I think wowser I was deaf. I get one to take home and one to follow in the post . With a plan to gradually introduce them over 4 weeks. Kewl.

Thursday

Busy day at work jools holland gig at he kings dock top night tremendous stuff. Have pre theatre dinner with Jean Mick Jane and Ruth at the other place in Hope Street. Great atmosphere at the gig. Great to see a lot of older folk having a swinging time. Long walk from the carpark which doesnt phase me at all.

Wednesday

Tuesday

Busy day keep on keeping on

Monday

Sunday

Relax. Then work on stuff. Off to mums see niece up from london and rest of the family. Go to speke retail and walk all around it go in two shops and buy real persons clothes tshirts 3quid a go. Mebbe I have lost weight. Get home mow the lawn get picture took. think I might have lost weight. Finish submission see here go to be bed happy.

Saturday

WWoke up Gym weighed in 19st 3lbs mile PB down to 16 20. Came home lunched the delightful Archie of Ally parentage was here. What a star. Really enjoy seeing him. Went for a walk with sticks in our hands, a man thing. he feel asleep, lucky guy. His mum come we talked ally daughter went to pics to see Bruce almighty. I went to TJ Hughes for egg poaching pan and to look for tshirts. Picke dmum up saw nanny the doc wants to amputate from hip, not good she aint sure what to do - but I am supposed to tell her?? Mum drove me barkin in car, stopped at tesco cunning plan for two bottles of saturday night real ale. Thwarted by daughters announcement of party at chuch. Waled to chipshop got her tea- then drove her to that worked on submission picked her up Jean out again 2nd time in 3 months.

Friday

Heath fair Improving working lives good cholestrol low Blood Pressure low good
messed about in work OK coz day off went home home other place for lunch
Worked on Bupa award submission Jean went out all watched telly

Support Groups and all that

Have to rush round then in the middle of a meeting realise I havent got the lumps of fat for the meeting. A quick liason with the cardiac olot reveal they are are out on loan at the wirral. Another set is tracked down to the Ullet Road office of Central West. So its off there on the way home. Ring Jean shove lasagne in oven please. Arrive home, say do you think I should have borrowed projector nah if Mr Kerrigan wanted it he would have asked. Eat tea quicker than is really good for me. Go upto quickly check email email from Mr K with a file attahed he needs laptop and projector, back to matchwork whilst alking ally through copying this file to to a floppy- 1.6megs zip it. So recent crash leaves winzip inaccessible on the hard drive. Burn it to cd - she aint done that anyway I am home. Send email from my desktop to jeans wireless laptop and save file to hard drive. Take extra laptops Jean loads car with aid of Teen and Ally and bomb it to town. There is a small crowd gathering. Easy to spot our bunch. Thats an advantage, Chris the caretaker is a cool dude. One of the top sparks from the site Julie suggested a clothes exchange and she brought a small portable clothes rail jobbe the we noticed a big one in the room. Made 21 quid and a lot of people happy.
People just chatted though I didnt realise how hard this can be for people of size, who have spent years isolating themselves. Also physically standing round can be a killer when you are big and have bad joints.
Mr K is operating till 7.30 and due to speak at 8. I start talking a complete load of old tosh mostly. The mobile phone rings its him bum goes he has finished just checking the three he has done and he is on the way. Kewl.
Arrives in his audi tt looking super kewl the ladies like him. He gives a rasping talk on the different procedures indications contraindications and upsides downside. He has a powerpoint presentation which will go on the website. He gets the message across in really good way. Must find an anatomy and physiology primer for the site.
He then fields a really good q&A session.The crowd leave happy we have a long talk the care taker looks cheesed off.
Result.

Thursday.

I am a busy boy it is the support group meet tonight and that makes me nervous. Though I aint sure why, yes I am oh so clearly. Head down and it will be OK. Arrive at Hammy House early and have a useful meetingmoving things forward, see wuite a few people. Lunch with Jayne H a cool dude witha lot of future potential sow seeds of a cunning plan.

Wednesday

Much of the same day lightened by the return of Kim my finance chum. We used to sit together in the naughty corner but I am slowly rehabilitating. Some good stuff starting to come together at work feels like we are getting there.

Tuesday

A very busy day at work and at home the details of hardly any I can recall now. I think I had a meeting with a pair of excellent GPs about computer systems and then went with Sam for a quick lunch at the gym and then more work.

Monday

Almost impossible to get out of bed this morning. Jean prises me out at 8.15. Somebody has inserted a brush handle between my legs in the night, I look bow legged and am unable to walk - deep joy. I look some sort of cowboy and swing my way into Tesco for a pasta snack. Crisis at the 10 items till which has run out of change, then a yoghurt incident, then two consecutive credit card failures. Conspiracy theory abounds. Get to matchworks and clamber up the stairs. Feel chronic this is bed is permanent pain returning, ah its just the gym, saunter round the block prior to my 11 oclock and feel bette. Keep moving say the two techies who are body builders. Talk to the work experience guy who is a great kid but suffering from the fact his mam and dad are big in the local health economy. I think we get on as he is a sad geek like me. He has one of these and I want it.
Off to burlington house in sefton for a heads of informatics or (IM&T) as they all say. We each have to bring our boss and it feels a bit like a parents evening at school but turning up with your mum. Not that my boss is like me mum. (quick denial issued). Frightens me again that we discuss major policy and no one has a clue what the immediate future holds.
I go for a jimmy for which you have to go through a locked door which Amanda promises to open when I knock. She sods off and I am there fo what seems like ages but cant have been more than 20mins bangin like a soft get till rescued by Davey Bray who used to work with me and is more puzzled than me why I am sobbing hysterically in a locked stairwell.
Drive back to matchworks have a good natter with Val about allsorts and occaisionally work. Do a few jobs but plan for dart to gym is scuppered, knees scream for delight. I hear the voice of the techie body builders in an Obi Wan Kenobie way - keep them moving fat boy - otherwise they will lock. So after a chat to to the delightful and irrepressible Gail Campbell the only other confirmed blog reader I head for Greenbank.
Heart is warmed by the sight of guru Jack who is impressed with my appearance. I think he likes the cowboy thing. We stand loking in the mirror as he supervises my squats. He seems to have cottoned to the effect and the gym doors are wide open. I realise gazing in the full length mirror that I may have lost weight dont laff though I have seeen the numbers it aint registered. He also says my figure is looking good, and I am getting definition around my shoulders. I am too ashamed to ask him what he means, he isn't hitting on me though of that I am sure. Two nice chaps come in they seem very good friends and work out in a synchronised way. Sort of like formation aerobics and follow each other around the machines helping and working together. I aint sure about their sexuality but hey seem happy and it reminds me of primary school when you woud pair up with someone. They weren't your friend but they had to act like it for a bit. Ah for those days, pictures on your peg, pump bags, Mrs Barkers ample bosom, which smelt of TCP, and on your birthday you could take four friends into the wendy house for cakes.
Back home for tea loverrly bognese thing and then Jeans saunters off for brisk walk to blow the cobwebs away. Watch sppoks and chill early night and wake today with loads to do, stiff the knees but refreshed.

Sunday

Very late night for complicated reasons we all oversleep I surface after nine and leave the girls sleeping. Ally next and then Jean. Miss church and relax a bit, pleasant lunch of salmon at Ruth and Pauls. Spend nice afternoon in the garden. Tired all afternoon and aching from the squats. Miss Time team big dig doh! I know its said but I like it, people seldom realise my interest in British History. Especially Romano Britain. I wanna go to Hadrians wall again. We have some Tesco Moat House vouchers for the Autumn half term break any ideas? Tired Jean goes to church Ally is coming down with something we huddle for safety and comfort. Miss 24 due to proximity of daughter - unsuitable you see - it gives ME nightmares.

Saturday

Start the day with a sleeping house and catch up on things. Wlsinfo contines to grow and the work is pleasing. Lunch in the yard and off to the gym. Ally and Jean been out to purchase Harry Potter.Ally is reading it.Gym for the pleasant company of guru Jack in an otherwise empty gym. Learn a new exercise involve squatting for the inside of my thighs - it hurts. The squat maneouvre causes spontaneous wind release. Good job its empty and jack is deaf. Take some juice afterwards in the bar then off to pick mum up from Nanny Banks'. How frustrating are parents? Ask my daughter? and my mother? Back hoe via tesco for flowers and pick mum in law up. Chinese supper, I have scrambled egg. very pleasant. Not much on telly. Bad news from the Midlands friend made redundant out of the blue. not good.

Friday

Appreciate a lie in till after 8 Jean goes back to bed and I sort some stuff out. A couple of phone calls good productive one to Nell fro the site. Off to The other place for lunch. Top meal skate wings in black butter followed by strawberry ice cream, jean has an onion and anchovy tart, and red orange ice cream top meal. Jean drops me at the library and I start a few jobs for the college work. Walk down to The Ship and Mitre meet Mickey old friend. We put the world to rights over a few pints of Outlaw Phantom. Picked up by Jean at 8 then home give Ally 20 squid to buy the new Harry Potter book. Visited by Colin for Holiday talk. I feel good.

Thursday

Early start Doctor Mc the diminuitive senior tech from central arrives after 8.30 for our trip to planet emis in Leeds. We have a good laugh with Jean are joine by Linda then its off. M62, hartshead moor for bog break and then Bradford turn off. As usual the last 200 yards are the worst part of any journey. Posh golf club with no sign, must be a top joint. Good meeting, thrashing out systems development issues. Saunter down to the golf course to deal with nausea at lunchtime and see a very interesting cliff thing. A plaque says in 1680 non-conformists used to hold secret meetings there. Top spot. Good journey home and back before 5. Get to the gym for 5 and bloomin good work out. Weight down 3lb in a fortnight feeling good.Mile time down to 17m 30secs. Have a pint of juice then back home for lasagne. Chill with da family.

Wednesday

Start the day at Hamilton House arrive in good time for a 9.30 meeting, saunter round catching up and dealing with a few things tip up at 9.25 to fin it in full swing having started at 9. Its a planning sesh for training and stuff. Sign up to facilitate, some workshops with the the director of Informatics which I am sure will amuse some of the paticipants. Hope it goes some way to breaching the gulf between planet informatics and planet earth. Not hopeful, planet training and development has a weird language all of its own.
A few productive meetings round the joint and lunch over a meeting with Fran the LIS primary care lead. Back to the matchworks and chill with a coffee then continue to sort backlog.
Getting there. Meeting with the new lead for EMIS our main clinical systems supplier. Have an interesting debate in which I air my forthright views.
Gym proves difficult and spend some time with Jean and Ally before Jean goes to house group and we go to Tescos for a few essentials and diesel. Speak to an interesting pre-opper from Hull. Watch trash TV and talk to Jean.

Tuesday

A good busy hot day, achieve quite a bit at work and keep moving in the right direction.
Tuesday night is online moderators meeting always a challenge. My victorian technology craks along but sees me thro to the end.

Monday

After a few hours work last night and a few consternated phone calls in desperation thanks to Chris and Dr McC get it limping home on one engine. It is not well if it was a horse it would be giving pleasure rides to small children instead I daily act it to perform as a cross between a shire horse and a thoroughbred racer. To be honest it aint up to it.
Work consists of sorting emails hundreds of em and not much else.Still vital work that is much required. Nip to Boots to get lunch and stand on these scale things which say I am 19 stone 7lbs cool will cross reference them with gym scales tomorrow.
Off home then speak to the good Gordon and Mickey. Mickey forced into preparing a lecture for tomorrow, Gordon and I proceed to the willowbank and partake of some real beer.

Sunday

Fathers day, I get up before them and go back to bed to be greted by drinks in bed and and a starbucks insulated mug a top quality notebook and a bottle of beer in addition to two very nice cards. Off to Frontline for a lengthy baptism service see several people I know from around the city. Back home for lunch in the garden and a debate about what to do. My choice - fathers day - lying in the garden seems number one plan today. Alright apart from the inevitable lawn mowers and music being played loud. Tempted to find out the source of said fairground style side effects and submit requests. Showaddywaddy and the beach boys get an unfair share of the airtime.
Try to block it out and enjoy the sun and cold beer in the gardenshare some crisps with Ally and for brief moments feel almost normal in a dietary sense.
Early evening fine until the computer upstairs convulses and throws a ma major wobbler not good for the stress levels

Saturday

Fairly gentle dawadle following a lie infor us all. Read peacefully on waking before facing the world after 10. Gentle mooching in the house debating the relative options and merits of a day with potential glorious weather. Lauren the small child next door has her first communion today which is a big gig. Parking will be at a premium later her parents have been furiously busy redecorating in preparation. John seems to work round the clock on home improvements with the unintentional goal of revealing me as the cack handed homer simpson character next door. Tesco home shopping arrives - no problems this week. Off to the gym after light lunch and a pleasant soaking of the rays in the garden. The girls embark on a mission to purchase fathers day gifts. I complete a mile on the treadmill in 17.5 minutes a new personal best. The heat is sweltering I consume 1.5 litres of water during the sesiion and two pints of orange juice afterwards. Off to see mum and Nanny and drop mum off. Flowers for Jean from Tesco then back home a really nice relaxing day.

Friday

Start the day with a visit to Tescos for petrol, on to the doctors to drop a specimen off - don't ask. Then to lookers the vauxhall dealer for a quote for the stolen wheel 204 quid ooer.
Off to sheffers for the day. Talk to doctor john mccoy on way there, and lots of other people. Arrive 10 mins late and meet Assad. my muslim brother, a man from Sudan who could show us all a way to leave. he is truly peaceful and merciful. We became friends when we all started at Sheffield in the first year I was there. Basically it was the older guys in the group, and a Jordanian, A sudanese and an Omani. Hear that Mubarik our Omani friend died recently of a snakebite, early 30's. Asaad and I catch up over lunch, so much is happening for both of us. Off to see a tutor and the department administrator in the Department of Information studies. Hatch a cunning plan to enable me to emerge with something at the end of this Plenty of work to do between now and holiday time and then A dissertation next year.
More time with Asaad and then drive home, keep in touch with folk at work and home via my Blackberry. Have to say the new car is tops it is comfortable, like sitting in an armchair for driving.
Arrive home and dont really want much tea, have some boiled egg and go to ma in laws friday night. Have I got news for you, Jonty Ross double bill. Johnny Vegas as entertaining as ever

Thursday

Busy at work but achieving things very satisfying

Wednesday

Tuesday

Very busy at work but start to sort things. Go to gym on way home see Ann M podiatry queen and Neil N jobbing podiatrist and PEC member. Good session at Gynm arrive home family out cook eat vomit . INTERNET IS BROKEN BIG TIME BAD NEWS. still more time for family and garden.

Monday

Should have gone to Hammy House first but went to matchworks. Try to sort a lot of things. Bum burning from heat which I am sensing. I think some quick results will help my ratings. Get a working deal brokered then retire with Eileen to Greenbank for lunch. Return to Matchworks and sort out stuff busy. Enjoyable. Arrive home sort family things and off to Greenbank to meet John a fellow wls friend. Who is organising the doo on Friday 19th September at the dockers club.The party is sort of one year post op gig for me, celebration for him and fundraiser for wlsinfo.org.uk

Sunday wake up late

Dont like this start to the day, 9.30 and food hygeine etc are all a rush. Off to the frontline for a 10.30 kick off it isn't what I am used to but there is clearly something good going on. Meet adamski from work and stroll in the sunshine into the kirk. Lively time good talk must read up onit later this week. Have to leave prematurely at 12.20 the heavens have opened. Get soaked to the skin literally, guests for lunch and disaster strikes the chicken aint cooked not good Jean bombs off to local supermarket for precooked jobbies. Lunch goes well small turnout today big boy paul is on school course thing. Onl us Bea Alan and ruth. All goes well and after Lunch we are out in the yard soaking up the rays. They leave at 4 and its on to wlsinfo riting difficult emails responding to support talking to mick busy. At it till 10 relax and family time. Busy.

Saturday

More WLSINFO shenanigans. Oh dear I spend a lot of time on this young Mick is discharge from hospital safe sound and furious.Eat lunch in the garden awaiting Tesco home delivery then off to the gym. Good workout, get weighed result 19stone 8lb over 200lbs or 14 stone 4lb gone reet chuffed see the graphic evidence at Personal progress if you cant see all the pics doube click where they should be and the do come up honest. Reet chuffed, walk a mile in 22 mins on the treadmill and feel good.Off to Asda for the shopping that Tesco man lost and which we were refunded. Off to Nanny Banks to pick up mum. She feels better, though she is keeping me away from Nanny banks.
Take her up to Speke Retail Park and visit Borders and a few other places. She announces her immediate disgust on entering the shop the specially piped in cooffee aroma which she screws her face up and shouts "I bloody hate that smell" I adopt the look of an understanding Care in the Community worker.She is not a great reader English is not her first language - I am not sure what is but if she was at school now I feel sure it she would have a syndrome. I ask her what she likes books about Dogs she says. She dissapears like a guided missle and locks on a heavily discounted DVD which she wants to purchase - Closer examination reveals it is reservoir dogs -Tarantino -not for you mum. She buys me a 99 an icecream from a street vendor with a stick of chocolate in. She has struggled since my op as she saw part of her personal mission in life to load me with several thousand calories and abuse about my diet at every visit. She also claims I was potty trained at six weeks -anywonder I am screwed up and have "issues."
Return home then off to the tip - alays a good gig. Shut the door get wound up by wlsinfo then relax.

Friday is that the sky falling in

Loads more gubbins to sort on wlsinfo the schism seems to be getting worse wonder if the community thats developed will be rent asunder. Spend a morning firefighting and trying to sort stuff miss the gym and stress levels increase. Its a day off but I field a few work things. I don't think there is much malice in the stuff on the site just a lot of stuff going on where needy people are doing things that they haven't thought through and several people start reacting to the pecieved threat. Feel pleased that Mick isnt around he and I can wind each other up and we would be polishing up the tomahawks now if he was here decide to take some time out.
Jean and I go off to town and find our way into the Anglican cathedral a find old gaff which was only finished a few years ago. Jeans dad did some work on the roof where now peregrine falcons live. I sit in the quiet and contemplate and offer some prayers. I need some guidance and it seems an appropriate place to do it, worried about weight loss Mick and the site generally and the health of those around me. Feeling better we split to the bookshop which seems to be like a shop in any tourist place buy a couple of books and some small gifts. Cant resist some cheesy coasters with the meanings of our names on - buy one each for Ally Jean and me. Ken - the diplomat brother in law later suggest glueing to my forehead to remind people. Have a defining moment on the way out when I exit through a side passage which we both think I wouldn't have been able fit in pre-op suddenly dawns that shape really has changed.
Off to the Other place in Hope street for lunch to use our BOGOF voucher. Jean orders sausage mash and gravy, wild brown trout and new spuds for me. Far too much and I ask the geezer to wrap the half of fish up for me and I have it for tea. Pop into cozzies new gaff to show my support for this top geezer.
The crap on wlsinfo continues to develop, storm clouds gather. Off to Frank the barbers, looking a bit straggly and need trim and counselling session. He aint there so spend a pleasant 15 minutes waiting whilst reading gems from the dalais little book of wisdom. I dont agree with it all but some good stuff none the less that helps me focus. Frank is on form as ever and I leave considerably lighter. Scalped to the bone and with my burdens laid down. I hope he doesn't trip over it in the shop. To be fair we don't talk about any of it but chatting to him seems to bring me up to the right spot.Driving to Nanny Banks' I wonder what I'll do when Frank retires....hmmmm.
Nanny Banks clealy my mum has had a hard time as she is locking the door and climbing into the car before I stop. Nanny has been giving her a hard time about the new chair. Which has decided is unsuitable. I think she really upsets me mam and that hurts me. I really dont know how to deal with that...answers on a postcard please. Mum has been interviewed by a girl from India in the street about which way she came? It take half the journey home to tease out whats going on. Some body was doing a survey in Nannys street to see where people had come from. I would have like to videod that poor interviewer. Presumably its the Ordnance survey trying to map the litter and dog muck for a city of culture heritage trail. Drop me off and get profound on wlsinfo - that helps. Go to Bea's for the friday night sess. It is Jeans brother Alans birthday. Paul leaves early for a meeting at Bridge chapel. We take Ruth to Tescos on Allerton road to meet him later. I see Heather fizzio terrorist (physio therapist) obergruppenfurher by the bananas shopping with her mum. She has been around for about as long as me, she used to be a superintendent but I think she is now the chiefconstable. She is a blog watcher and is based in a cupboard somewhere in the North, Netherfield Road if memory serves.
I continue my discussion with the cheese operative a new face this week, the graveyard shift there on a friday doesn't seem a cool gig. Home to be visited by Colin for further holiday planning, watch Johnny Ross with Cheese and wine.................nice.

Thursday night

Falling behind again -left for my half day at 4pm but feel I am getting on top of some fundmentals at the matchworks. Its only been open for 10 months. Progress in sight dont make the gym and dont sort out the insurance claim.
Call in at mums to see her she is out obviously just missed her and sister mary before they jet to asda. Go to see my mate steve who is a big geezer leaves near mum. He is on the front page of the christian herald. He has a new job co running a cafe and centre for the city mission in town. Top work he is a great man, very eavy, very umble, as Uriah Heep the rock band would say. We have exchanged clothes several times in the past. Must find a way to send him some dosh to support the work. Have a look here Click cafe on the home page It is next to the Beehive Pub on Mount Pleasant. Starbucks it aint cheap cheerful and doing some valuable work with groups of vulnerable people it is. Go in have a drink say hello to Steve and pay Starbucks prices. It will make you feel better and it will help them. They give subsidised food to the vulnerable funded by the takings from the caff.
Take Ally of to Borders meet with Kieran aka loopylibrarian
in Starbucks and sort out some serious stuff round intranets and library access. Sometimes wonder if he is the only geezer in the health service who can see my vision of the beautiful garden that is knowledge information management. Sometimes it seems like one of those walled places in Old houses. Lots of swag going on but only for a few who have the keys. It also seems that only the gardners can plant things. (stick with me its going somewhere - honest) me and him want a public park with loads going on easily signposted - ok some laid out formal bits where you cant walk on the grass, but also some planting bits. More like the International Garden Festival than walled garden. 10000 visitors a day and loads of good thing to see and do interactive different needsand all go home happy. See three Buddhist monks in Starbucks I wonder if the Dalai Lama is reading the blog and having me stalked. Yo dude. Exile must be tough but the internet must help. Kieran is also going to sort out the the wlsinfo library when in doubt see a specialist I say.
Sort me some wearisome stuff on wlsinfo which is eating in to family time and the real issue of giving people support. Looks like a schism though and it needs to be dealt with. Good job Mick is in hospital , he might well favour a different approach to the rest of us. I miss the git but I wouldn't tell him and as he thinks this is a load of cack not much danger of him finding out.
Speak to sister and Phil my mate who I went to Romania with a few years ago, he is an old geezer but our relationship transcends the generation gap, we have supported each other through some tough times. He is a bit like the dalai lama - old wears glasses a bit puddled and profound, highly spiritual and in exile. His daughter reads the blog, she used to send encouraging words by email but not many sent recently but from Phils knowledge of my life someone is feeding him the gen - Jen?
Tomorrow is another day

Thursday am

Half a day today aand need to work a day a week from home I think. Need to sort insurance claim and get to the gym after work today. Lots to do but enjoying the challenge.

Wednesday

Matchworks and get involved in lots of techie things that aint my job. No one else to do it must sort that. Get hardly any of my work done. Off to Goodison for a clinical system user group good opportunity to get alongside clinicians and people doing the job on the ground. Cope well with the buffet one of my sneaking fears since the surgery. Too tired to go the gym go home and arrive to see Mick of Wlsinfo fame has been hospitalised and all sorts of crap going down. Not good and sorting takes most of the evening. Colin visits and holiday plans are well underway. Jean goes to house group we are all tired. Mother doing more and says she is better.

Tuesday

Another busy day lots of things to sort out and end up acting like a junior techie again, for most of the morning, satisfying though and it pays well. Needs sorting as I can't do this for ever. Met the heavily gravid Ali P for lunch what a good geezer she is. Back to work then off to see Prof Morris top psychiatrist a truly gifted man. Once again count my bessings for the quality of health care I get.
Off to greenbank for tea then a North West Support group steering group committee. Top stuff and moving forward. Sleep well after that.

Monday Busy Busy

Started with an appointment to see my surgeon, 9 month follow up. Somehow end up in the wrong pile and see the junior, have I been dissed. Telephone and email apology which arrive later reveal not. Wonder why I go though - bloods taken met a lady who was at the support group. Them meet John geezer who is famous in Weight Loss Surgery world. Total respect.
Back to work, full day. Met new nurse in Marchworks, cardiobetes nurse. Huh neologism or what. I know your sister she says, oh our Mary (best said in Scouse accent), no your Kathy. Small wome with a dog, thats my 73 year old mother I say, doh not happy. I have moved desks over to the west wing of the building. Stillpartmered with Caroline and Clare but have joined Angela a quiet but acutely funny project who is up to no good in West Speke. THere is loads to do and I end up staying till 6.15, few good chats along the way Maurice a GP who is big in Clinical Governance, and also the LIverpool over 40 Jewish Tennis Champion . A fact of which he is very proud.
Call at mothers on way home she looks a bit brighter but has been upchucking. Off to gym walk a mile in 19 minutes, you athletes may not be impressed but I am well pleased. Do a couple of exercises and decide I have done enough. Get weighed and dissapointed to see I have gained three pound since 19/05 but what the hell. Get home and eat, fail to make two calls then off for three pints of real ale with the irrepressible Gordon. A man whose company is as good as any tonic.Sleep well with a smile on my face

Sunday AM

Mick partner in crimes birthday today. He is webmaster/admin and personal support on wlsinfo. He hates the blog so he wont read this. Sent him birthday greetings. Off to Frontline church. Blogwatchers will know that my spirituality is in need of an overhaul. Kicking happening place went with my mate Frank. top experience which I wont elaborate on too much here but I felt well better when I came out.
Back for a light lunch and head buzzing with energy and feeling quite peaceful. (A strange combination). Chillout afternoon and off to see mummy at 6 she declined much of a visit but I was worried about incurring the wrath of big sis if I didn't at least pop in. Big sis Mary is off to see Sir Paul of McCartney at the dock tonight,John queued for ages for tickets. Back home girls are out at the Parish Church bit of web admin, and a natter to Mick chill in the garden talk to Jean about balancing everything and await 24 on the pigs (pigs belly=telly).

Saturday

Awoke around 8 start the day with a sleeping house and mugs of tea and gentle surfing. Bobby arrives at 9.15 to dust the car for dabs, very sun hill. To be fair she was a very young civilian support worker but a really nice waywith her and she seemed awfully young to gazing through a magnifyng glass at muder scenes. Job done I load the car and set off for the tip. Not the best of jobs I get the manual out to help decide which of the numerous seat combinations I should go for. Settle on Maxing the load space and I'm off. Saturday am you can usually queue for an hour I nearly died of shocjk when I was straight in and out. Great stuff. Accosted by an eastern european screen washer on the way out. She appealed for cash, in a very plaintive way, I never know what to do but was helped by the fact I had nothing on me. She didn't appear to speak english but I was rewarded with a very loud fook off as I pulled away. Relaxed and a snooze, Jean had got in late after last night, and I had been disturbed in the night. Awoke refreshed after an hour then off to the gym great work out gym was deserted just me and crazy Eva a really nice Belgian who works there she got the best out of me. I gave in and got weighed, bad news I have put on 200g like I am bothered. HAHA.
A chill out evening at home enjoying the new improved no rubbish filled garden.