Wednesday - up and down

This self management thing with bipolar us hard. I feel high and low at the same Jean says ishe thinks we reacted too quick. So I am back on the usual regime and feeling restrained physically but it not touching me mentally. I enjoy the chance to catch up with Kim over lunch. The lunch deserves a separate entry.

The Prof Heavy session

Jean takes the car - something wrong with her mirror - I enjoy a walk anyway. Its payday but the bad news is I ran out of pay two days ago. Worrisome. Some email exchanges and i am set up for a meeting in the regatta plaace next Thursday. Tinker about - do lots of washing - the rabbit enjoys being let loose when I am in the garden

Lunch at Filini

Filini is the restaurant in this gaff. Classy looking place and good reviews. The hotel and tower are impressive to me.
Nice looking restaurant but empty.
Menu good -
?Starters
Italian meat platter, olives, parmesan, Vassoio piatto con salumi, olive e parmigiano italiani £6.95
Pumpkin ravioli, crispy sage, Ravioli con ripieno di zucca e salvia ricciuta £5.50
Home made tagliatelle, garlic spinach, gorgonzola cheese, Fatto in casa tagliatelle con spinaci all ‘aglio gorgonzola £5.50
Porcini and potato soup, garlic crostini, Zuppa Minestra di funghi porcini e patate, crostini all ‘aglio £5.25
Rabbit, pork and fennel terrine, pickled apples, pomegranite dressing, Terrina di coniglio, maiale e finocchi, con mele sottaceto, melagrane £6.75
Seared Scallops, tossed fregola grossa, Capesante alla griglia servite su fregola grossa £ 8.00
Truffle and pecorino risotto, Risotto con tartufi e pecorino £7.25
Ham, lentil and herb broth, Brodo Minestra di prosciutto, lenticchie e verdure £5.50
Peppered tuna, rocket, lemon, tomato, Pepperonata di tonno, rucola, limone e tomato £ 6.95
Beef carpaccio, mustard mayonnaise, parmesan, Caraccio di manzo, con mostarda, maionese, parmigiano £6.25

Kim opted for tagliatelle and spinacg, me the seared scallops obviously.

?Mains
Spiced duck sausages, cabbage and red onions, Anitra condita con salse, cavoli e cipolle rosse £14.95
Organic Salmon, spiced lentils, crème fraiche, Salmone organico, lentchie piccanti, franche crema £16.00
Braised lamb neck, fontina cheese, potato sandwich, Tramezino di collo d aagnello stufato, con formaggio fontina e patate £16.50 ‘
Smoked haddock, broad bean and thyme ”lasagne”, Merluzo affumicato, fave e timo £13.95
Octopus, chilli, potato and capers, Polpo, pepperoni, patate e capperi £ 14.00
Artichoke, aubergine, tomato ragut, garlic crisps, Carciofi, melanzane, ragu di pomodori e aglio £13.50
Poached chicken, shitake ice cream, honey jus, Pollo poached, gelato di Shitake e miele £14.95
Smoked ricotta and leek cannelonni, garlic spinach, Ricotta affumicata con cannelloni di porro e spinace con aglio £ 13.95
Seared calves liver, onion confit, vinegar sauce, Fegato seared, cipolle confetti, salsa di aceto £ 16.50
Prawn, pea and tarragon linguini, Linguini di stragone e piselli con gamberetti £14.75
Kim wanted the duck sossies but was out of luck and opted for the canneloni, me inevitably the calves liver.
The food was very good and the service slow - as ever with a near empty gaff 100 seater place 6 covers dining. Food was worth it, service definitely not.
Still we had a good time even if we did get soaked walking back.
Just in case anyone from the social is reading Kim paid not me.

S82C Winwick Hospital circa 1980/81 

Tuesday old friends new friendships

Phil from cell has asked me to sit in on a visit with his housing officer at his flat. Jack usually does it but I am standing in on the subs bench as he is in spain. The woman comes and goes but we are unaware as his bell and intercom are broke. Still its good to feel useful. We go for a brisk walk round seftoin paarkl and then lunch at greenbank. See jacqui Abdul and mick "the head" thwaite from the pct. Funny feelings for me. Drop phil off at his mums and then on to tesco. Have. a coffee and a blog. Home chicken salad brutalised viciously by shakespeare. Out to cell and return to watch the outrageous nighty night. Have restless sleep though not sure if I am awake or just dreaming I am awake. Net result is the same I wake goosed.

Sunday and monday.

Went well the lunch. Was a bad nights sleep and I woke too early with kmind racing. Instigated going high management plan and after a busy morning managed to chill in the pm. Watched "sink the bismarck" on VHS. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Waking the dead good as well.
Monday over slept and went back to bed after foring brekfast down. Woke again at 1.30 and had to drag myself to Allerton road for a walk. Worth it really to spy Merseyside fire brigades Search and Rescue Unit on its way to a shout. Damaged my right foot in some bizarre way, Jean heals it at night. Heavy email traffic with work.

Famous Bipolars

http://mixednuts.net/bipolar-famous.html

http://www.bpkeepers.org/famous/famous.html

http://www.antenna.nl/nsmd/FAMOUS.html

http://www.bipolarworld.net/Bipolar%20Disorder/Articles/art14.htm

 

Saturday - shopping and prepping

Get ready for Sunday visitors, and take mum to Lidl in Kensington. One mighty weird shop where you can get everything from smoked salmon to horse blankets. Mum loves it the half price fruit and veg is cool too. After that we are off to Tesco for a coffee and the remainder of the shopping. Home and cooking.

Friday - confirmation keeps coming

Letters from te Department of work and pensions lead to phone calls and explanations of wrong procedures from their minions. The people I speak to were helpful in the extreme. Feel better when I get my decision letters in my hand which explain what I am getting and why. Be nice to see some money in the account which is perilously empty.The Giro helped. Take me mum to M&S and Somerfield for a run out. Get plenty of bargains.Home then mother in laws.

The boy Shakespeare 

Thursday looking up

Mail arrives with confimation of incapacity entitlement. Take mum to New Brighton which in her words "fills her applecart" which I think translates as floats her boat. Then we nip to Tesco extra at Bidston. It looks big and they are expanding it. We go into the clothing department housed in a tent. Albeit a fine tent. My mother gets lost in there I hear her discussing her gusset preference with a genteel lady farmer, I decide to leave her lost. Home and jean reveals she is working late. I knock up duck breasts with sea salt and black pepper ratatouille and boiled spud. It was delicious (if I do say so myself).

Good day results at last

Get a weird letter from the department of work and pensions. It seems to say I am not entitled to DLA. A phonecall to the bnefits enquiry line reveals I have been granted it but not from the date I could have been. Hmm. Lunch out at the Taipan with Kim Then I ring the incapacity man michael at belle vale jobbie plus. He true to form sorts it. At 4.10 I am in cubicle 3 collecting a Giro. Happy days we got money till payday. Benefits hoops jumped thro the good news keeps coming. Dave my brother and Maria are getting married in August next year. I have been asked to be his best man a lifelong ambition.
An email from carolinr rand at work. Then its off for a good night at frontline. Top day feel blessed.

Tuesday

A pleasnter day Jack from cell comes round and helps me sort a few things out in my head. In the pm I take a walk for provisions and pleasure. Engage the two Big issue sellers in conversation and a nice lady who like me is astonished when some geezer is nearly totalled by a big wagon before our eyes. He was blissfully unaware. I cook bognese for tea. Had a good natter with jim pollard and came up with a plan for how me blog on male health iss used.

Sunday late start

Not surprising given the lateness of the hour. Forgot to say in yesterdays post that I have been referred to Professor Kinderman a Clinical psychologist. Not sure what for but if prof morriss rates him that will do me. Took it easy Sunday Jean is tired and has an interview tomorrow. Catch up with the andrew in the pm and discuss matters geeky relating to the site. Always good.
Monday.
Jean comes home at lunchtime I prepare a delicious salad lunch warm chicken and bacon number. She goes off for the interview and I worry. Ally texts me to say she got an A* in her ICT coursework which makes me impressed proud and not in the last bit surprised. Jeans got the job and I am going to get 86 pound a week incapacity benefit so happy days.

Saturday old friends new faces.

Well it arrived I started the day not really wanting to go anywhere. Whilst at the same time wanting to see old friends. I took mum to tesco to get her prescription filled out, big job she's on that many pills. I will blog nannas pills when I do her attendance allowance claim. Great to see old faces and mnice to meet new ones. I meet my first ever body piercer. Not the person whpo first pierced my body, but the first of that professional group I have encountered. As a male student nurse I was understudy to a barber and spent many a happy Sunday afternoon shaving the collected nethers of Warringtons menfolk.
All goes surprisingly well and we tip out at 1am tut tut.

Thursday Friday and a sackful of blues

Still feeling pretty awful. Not looking forward to the Liverpool meet on Saturday which is odd because I shall be seeing some old friends, which will be good. The melancholia encompasses all. The letter from the prof gets me down. Still no word from the social. I take Ally to the orthodontist drop her at school and then its on to mike and janes to drop the roofbox off. Mike doesn't do emotion or mental health. He jumped out of mental health as soon as he could - preferred intensive care where the patients couldn't speak. Stilll they make me feel a bit better about myself. Then its off to my sisters to fix the computer.
Enjoyed it job done lunch long chat about ma and off home. Tea then out to B's sorted out a few things with some of the wlsinfo crew.

One letter thats all it took

It really did knock me for six I spent most of Wednesday doing nothing except feeling crap. Sick in my stomach and turning into the poor wretch that the letter described. Rumination is a good word, I have a gluttonous appetite for that too, throw self depreciation into the mix and happy days are here again. I fire off an email to Frank dispenser of wisdom and pills. Somrthing in my mind nags me that I should be seeing old prof M in September - it takes me three hours to shake out of the inertia and ring his secretary. I was right. I had an appointment at 2.30 trouble is its 4pm - Shit I hate DNA's (do not attends) big waste of time. But in the profs schedule probably just means he finishes 2 hours late instead of 3. Kathy his secretary is really nice but I feel pants about it. Ally says reassuringly if he treats bipolars he probably used to it. I hate being so badly organised it sucks. My limbs feel heavy and my head and heart feel like lead. I burden nell with my thoughts and when you feel this crap you worry that your mood will taint those near. Feel better with the girls around less time to ruminate.

Warrior Librarian Weekly: Issue #220 - September 2005

Warrior Librarian Weekly: Issue #220 - September 2005 Wonder if loopy boy has read this.

Unwise Microwave Oven Experiments

Is it true or not still made me chuckle and I sent them to my brother in law Paul who may well torch his school.

More Social security and pension stuff.

Yesterday I got a letter from  the Department of Work and Pensions asking for my bank account details for my DLA. I have already give them this on the claim form. Is this a positive sign or merely a cruel tease. I am beginning to feel a bit worried - the wheels of the benefit people grind slowly. I definitely did put the details on the form. I rang the benefits enquiry line, they referred me to to the DLA claim line who tell me they need my details before they send me a decision. happy days.
Next through the post is another stunning letter, from Occupational Health at Aintree. Its a copy of his report on my in response to Doc Hibberts request.Whilst I am sure it will help in the DLA and Pension challenge it dont make me feel very good seeing the expertly written view of my presentation and prognosis. It doesnt feel like me but I think I should lie down on the settee and watch some daytime telly and wait for me giro.
Bipolar type 2 (a chronic mood disorder).

Wednesday - tired

Tired and not sure why. Dont do much in the am. Find something in the fridge for lunch. Take a walk down to Allerton Road for fresh fruit- my fruit bowl is becoming a project. Today nectarines green grapes kiwi gala apples and red plums. I end up in tesco for an indian side dish for the curry I have planned. Then to the pet shop for hutch disinfectant and food. The weathers not sure what to and it ends up sunny when its not blowing a gale. Jean comes in I am goosed. Watch nighty nighty on Tivo. Very dark.
Tv in the evening and reading the new style Grauniad.

Busy Day then Cell group

Start the day with an appointment with Frank (GP not barber). Top man as ever he thinks I am doing very well and keeping a remarkably even keel with all the uncertainty in my life. He prescribes some cognitive therapy and gives me home work. I shall more fully explain in a later post. He prays with me and taked my blood pressure. Us bipolar boys are at greater cardio vascular risf (especially us fat ones). Then its off to get JK always a tonic a man with a useless factoid for every occaision and some very useful ones as well as a cracking set of a variety of skills.
Up to the Crowne Plaza to pick up mac and jude. Then its up aintree hospital to drop em off. A tip dont view in firefox the NHS dont believe it exists. Grrrrrrrr.Sloppy web coding.
We drop them at the Sefton Suite (coz Mac was private)its currently impossible to get NHS bariatric surgery in Northern Ireland.
While they are doing the business we go to see Mary B a member of the NW group who is in the surgical assessment unit she dont look well and is fed up. Mac has done well 5 stone down since the op he is seven stone down since his first consult with the surgeon. Business done we head off for lunch at the bottle and glass on the rainford bypass. Then its off to the Asda Walmart giant store at Huyton much to Judes delight. You cant get George clothes in Northern Ireland.Drop em at the airport and i am off home for tea.
Cell group.
A great bunch of lads I decide todays the day I either get fully involved or stop abusing their hospitality and good will. Going to a meeting at frontline with Jean on Thursday.
It was a good meet and the clear unconditional love of the cell members mean theres something special going on.

Google Blog Search

I come up as number 1 for bariatric, nowhere for bipolar but mix the two and you get kieran and I.

Ashes day

Monday final test England only need to draw. They gave me some hairy moments - Freddies dismissal it all seemed a bit grim. Then Pietersen took command and the skunk with the diamond earings did the trick. Even wheelie bin looked convincing. In the lunch break I had to nip to the Job Centre Plus and drop off my Med10. Gateway to my incapacity benefit. Fortunately on reception was Jean a nice lady we knew from Allys primary school. She famously once brushed allys hair for me when Jean was on a course. She was made up - she had a boychild. win win. Though aint sure Ally was pleased going out with an untidy mane. Anyway she seemed to know the Bobby Moore and ensured the bit of paper had at least a chance of connecting with the right people. The smell in the jobbie was a bit unwashed - or boysie as my mate phil might describe it. Home a quick lunch then picking Mac and Jude up from the Belfast. Mac was the geezer who helped me conquer my PTSD by near croaking in ITU and I had to visit him. Dropped em at the swush Crowne Plaza then off to queue for petrol though I didnt know why everyone else was panic buying me I just wanted bloody petrol. Still at least I could listen to cricket in the car though it wasnt TMS it was 5Live which was pants apart from Gatting seemed like a lont of folk who didnt have a clue using words like 5oclock and 3 oclock to describe field positions.
back home and caught the end on the telly. Even when it was in the bag it still seemed a bit of a dream. The end was odd Rudi and Billy didnt seem to know what to do and once again ICC Laws seemed to prevail over common sense.
Happy days.

The Shifted Librarian: David Walker's Awesome "RSS Creator" for Libraries

One for Loopyboy

Pompey 1 - Toffees 0

Happy days - still at least its raining at the Oval. I feel nervous in the crowd but the presence of Jean means I am ok. Meanwhile driving back across town, they are back out at the Oval, one more wicket and a few runs.
jean worked late thursday and Thursday was spent lunching with Andrew M looking well 3 stone on 6 weeks following his surgery. Still he was only a tiddler to start (under 30 stone is a tiddler).

Not good for my mental health

Perched precariously on the top balcony of the main stand at goodison park. Watching a poor Everton performance against pompey. Perhaps they read the blog in which I dissed their fine city. Best performance of the day the crossbar.

A parent's primer to computer slang

Thank you Uncle Billy I didnt even know that I used 1337. Any parents tuning in dont follow the teen nline lingo link. Ostrich pose best adopted.

Incapacity Benefit.

This is turning into a saga now. I was due to attend a week on Wednesday Jean had rearranged her diary and then I got a letter Monday telling me to present myself for Interview at Belle Vale Job centre plus. I arrive in good time and greeted by a pleasant lady at a reception desk. I am concerned by the fact she is flanked by two security men. When I see my fellow job seekers I see why. There seems to be a mix of bleak desperation, apparent indifference and an alarming amount of teenage mums. I took my mum I cant face that sort of stuff on my own. She is soon passing judgement on the benefit entitlement of ssome of my fellow claimants. She does this in best old lady top of voice style. There is more carpet and computers than I recall from my last claim in 1977 but the same sense of humiliation pervades.
Jane the assistant processes me, she asks me for my copy of the telephone interview? I explain about the appointment being brought forward and she dissapears off to a bank of laser printers. She comes back goes through things and I sign. me having a job seems a a complication. They ask some odd questions. Which I have already answered. She takes my passport and my driving licence. She asks whats wrong with me and then reads the form  - her "oh I see look" tells it all. Clearly my card is marked "barking - handle with care". She tells me to sit and wait for Lois a dimunitive woman who is clearly making someones life a misery. After having dipensed with her she calls me over. She apologises for her sore throat and lack of voice no problem says I, " I am deaf." It would appear she is too. She is an adviser - she advises me the government want me to go back to work. I advise her that would rather be healthy free from this illness and back at work. This riposte floors her a little and belief is suspended, she turns into Ricky Gervais and gives me a "your health is more important than money speech, I expect her to pull a guitar from under her desk and sing me a ditty. She doesnt thats it you can go.
So erm I hate to say this but am I getting anything - oh that has to go to the decisionmaker and I may go to Mann Island - sort of like Robben Island plus. I should just continue putting in my sick notes to this office and at this point I say I havent done so. This clearly isnt scripted, where have they been going - so you have a job she says in a way that makes me feel ashamed. Why didnt you say,  I did there under employer South Liverpool PCT. So we need your sicknotes - no worries I have them here copies as requested she gets Jane who inspects them they arent good enough we want originals. Deep Joy. Benefits - easy.
I take Mum off to New Brighton a moribund seaside town 30 years past its sell by date. She loves it decay and fruit machines, all you need. Seems that the New Brighton Job Seekers enjoy it here too. Felt a bit like Ripleys paradise in this decadent whirlpool. Home and Jean is overtime doing some Agenda for Change job matching. She is knackerred when she gets in.

Sunday Monday Tuesday

Sunday taken up with a rich feeling of being alive, forgive my last indugent post but I felt it worth celebrating. 3 years ago I was facing a major op or alternatively becoming wheelchair bound increasing depressed and heavier. An overiding thought was how would Jean push me - I wondered about a train of huskies but my fear of dogs precluded the investment. I like getting comments on the blog thanks sam still tuning in after 3 years. Kieran and my brother are occaisional visitors too. Jean and ally have been known to pop in and see what I am up too. Ally and i went to borders on Monday night she was suckered into a three for 20 notes deal DVD including vanity fair. She is a cracking girl I am immensely proud of her.
Tuesday sees her off to school and me of to the Lidl  in search of walking poles for jean   I head off to the London road branch and the store is being refurbed by a gang of local plasterers and german spaarks. I acquire some crayfish tails and smoked salmon, but no walking poles. Bloke in queue behind me has 3 litres cider rum and lime and and vodka ice or breakfast as he describes it.
Then off to the new kensington store a cornucopia of bizarre goods. I pick up a lightweight running jacket. off to cell group at night and good for me spiritually to connect with the boys.

Nell me and Jane at 15st summat too low, post peritonitis. 

Belfast - ona day trip 

New Boots No Panties

Raichle Website. Products. Hiking - Men: Scout GTXMy new boots

Three Years in Three posts

I thought to see how far I had come I would look at my op day, and each of the anniversaries since. All of this is captured on line (with the bits in between at  http://kenclare.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, September 04, 2002 The day I had my op.

Chits

It came too me in the night as a blinding flash, they are what we need in t=
he NHS, their reintroduction could solve 99% of ills.For those who dont kno=
w a chit is a piece of paper, signed by someone in authority, which has mag=
ical powers. When I trained as a nurse in the late seventies they were the =
lifeblood of the hospital. Produced from a simple numbered duplicate book =
with a piece of carbon paper they were the open sesame to a world. Armed wi=
th a chit you could queue in central stores for hours. Your chit would be c=
losely examined by an exmilitary man with a tash, a long brown coat and a =
pencil behind his ears, he would frown look you up and down and dissapear i=
nto the netherworld "round the back" He would emerge from round the back s=
ome time later with the goods, A chit could get you anything........woodbin=
es, patients for the use of, or guinness or even mackesons. A chit got me a=
three piece suit once, and 30 sausage rolls. The best chit of all was one =
requesting a blank book of chits, armed with this golden ticket you could g=
et a book for yourself and have hours of fun. I think they may have stopped=
them because they were open to abuse. I think they tried to replace em wit=
h the reqqy or even new fangled computer systems. Eric Chitty was for me th=
e chit-meister general, he loved them so much he changed his name to honour=
them. He found stardom in later life as the old bloke in please sir, A cla=
ssroom based 70's sitcom.
Chits, gawd bless 'em c'mon alan mliburn, we are all chitless here put it r=
ight, lets get central control back properly in this system. Can I be the c=
hit czar please?=20
If anybody is still reading this please let me know. =20

Disclaimer

anything written in the next 48 hours or so is completely deniable and will=
be attributed to lack of food, sleep excess drugs or post op psychosis - y=
ou have been warned. The computer I am using (known as jornada) had flat ba=
tteries this morning, i probably left it switched on but there is a nigglin=
g doubt that the night guards made merry on it all night. Any way i had a p=
oor nights sleep and had plenty of time to spout material for this blog and=
the first 7 volumes of my autobiography.I'll see if I can preserve some of=
the less bizarre stuff for posterity here.

looks like i'm not going to theattre till 4 or 5. anaesthetist says there i=
s a bed in ITU. and my new bigboy bed has arrived at the ward. jean has bee=
n in and gone off to see her mate in ot over in the main building. Mr kerri=
gan has been in and I told him I'd put together a website for the service f=
or him. He introduced me to Jeff a fine character who had the op last june =
and has gone from 32 to 14 stone. He was a great bloke and it was really go=
od to get the user perspective on it. I feel so much better after talking =
to him. He said the first few days are terrible but keep foccussed. He also=
summed the difficulties of being obese in 4 great sentences, and pointed o=
ut how they had changed now. He showed me his belly and told me he is off f=
or some cosmetic surgery later in the year.

Probably my last posting for a while - who knows how long, hopefully jean a=
nd ally will keep you informed. Visitors welcome after tomorrow. Jeff has j=
ust been in to see me and jean. It was great to be able to speak to someon=
e who knew exactly what i was going through. Catch you later. =20

5.30 and still on the ward. The laterit gets the less I feel like its going=
to happen. It cant be cancelled again can it?

Ally's news update live from the Clare household

21:18 in theatre now- wonder when he is going to get out

Thursday, September 05, 2002

:-) Dad out of theatre at 23:30 4/09/02 he is fine on a drip and oxygen for a bit he is groggy :-( and tired |-(zzzzzzzz so not the bst mood natch bye bye night night

Friday

Wale up in the Leofric strange gaff. Only two coffee sachets, they soon go. off for breakfast coffee machine is broke so its jugs. Smoked haddock so the lady feels bound to tell me of her time as a fish gutter. No need honest. Leave the hotel engage the ring road again. not pleasant but find the Conference venue. get there in the end quite pleasnt. Sign in delegate pack and off to the liason desk to find a gaff for presentation writing purposes. Find same and set up base camp. Goes well, finds lady who is faint who first aid staff bring in here. Turns out it is the green room type space. Meet a couple of speakers. Finish presentation eventually. Give it to Brenda the manager. HAve a look at the conference exhibition a place I dont enjoy. Go to lunch have salmon, and pasta and a bit of chicken. Meet three docs ok in parts I guess. They notice I am a speaker hear what I am talking about then dont come. Lunch lays heavy - nerves? Then over to the arts centre for the gig. The first speaker doesnt turn up so it all gets a bit fraught. Goes well though my obesity ad goes on a bit I enjoyed it thought lights and radio mikes aint for me. Leave coventry at 3 arrive Hilton park 5.30 due to queues and a grass fire. Chicken soup and a pancake in Little Chef. Drive home phone calls and a load of yes on the way. Top stuff straight to Beas then home good to be back.

Sunday

Up early and off to buy hoover bags decide the old model is pooped and get a new one from tesco old swan. 35 notes. Good move. Back home and a few things sorted. Family arrive lunch a little late but goes down well indoor barbeque. Me ana Ally trot off to Tesco express for fishy treats. Back home and eat em.
Did a couple of posts on wlsinfo - I thought I would share em here
Well two years crept up on me - two years ago at this very hour I was in a theatre having an open Roux-en-Y. I was 34 stone not expecting to either a) wake up, and in the unlikely event that I would b) Lose any weight. I had a turbulent immediate post op period, people have had far worse than me since but at the time it was poop. To be told at 29 stone that you were experiencing hallucinations due to starvation was weird. The site essentially arose as a diversion from vomitting. I had a gastroscopy in Jan 2003 and things went great from there on in. Weight loss wise and health wise I went great. In May that year I went high, quite literally followed by a depressive episode in the December confirmed my diagnosis of Bi-polar affective disorder.
In between all that the site won an award at the NOF and I was nominated for and won the RCN gastro nurse of the year. Weight loss continued in that first year until about 13months. Then stopped dead. I had sort of followed Janes protein thoughts. Ended up eating this high protein low carb low fat diet. I had become a gym monster and was chuffed when me, Jean, my surgeon and my trainer ran together in the 5k corporate cup in Liverpool. All good habits and I was doing well. Looking back at the time of the annual meet I was depressed but to meet again with old friends was great. So I started 2004 on mood stabilisers and was chugging along at work fine till the peritonitis struck in may. Adhesions due to my appendicectomy 20years ago led to an obstruction which near finished me off. Thats all sorted now, peritonitis and pneumonia knocked it out of me but the good physical shape I was in helped.
So here I am back to the gym this week looking back at 2 years in which I have lost loads, gained more, and shared with some of the best most sincere people that I have met.
3 years ago I was referred by the obesity clinic for cognitive behavioural therapy. At that time despite my confident middle manager jolly fat man appearance, I was instead feeling worthless, I believed I was a FLUB (fat lazy useless b******) It didn't help with my eating but made me convinced that positive action was the way. So I went looking for surgery, and found it.
A meeting with Hil(phantomlodge) led to me thinking setting this site up was a way forward.
The rest is well documented elsewhere on here.
So what have I lost
About 18 stone (dont know and dont care).
22 inches off my waist.
DLA
Blue badge
Ability to drink with meals
The real taste I had for fine malt whiskey.

What have I gained well this maybe a big list. Health
Better life expectancy
Better quality
Increased mobility - from less than 100 yards to miles.
Increased self esteem - the feeling of confidence and pride.
A network of friends across countries. Some of these friends have worried me several times peoples lives seemed at risk.
Support and encouragement from people on a no strings attached business.
A sense of helping people that has far eclipsed anything I ever felt in clinical nursing or management.
I started a project and sustained it ( a biggie for me - ask Jean, clare towers is full of half finished schemes)
National recognition
A real sense of pride.
Laffs some nights I have laffed till I have ached, ( sorry about the beast stories).
A blog.
A lot of knowledge, though the more I learn about surgery and its consequences I realise a)how little I know and b) how different each individuals experience is.
And loads more
So when I look back and I realise what this family been thro in the last 2 years and what we got to look forward to I do it with a sense of achievement and pride. A bloomin nice feelin for sure.
So good luck to all the people who travel this road with me - whether you are way along the road or just thinking about putting your foot on the road. I hope this place helps make he journey easier - it certainly has for us.
and this called champagne moments
When we return from holiday we always get asked what was the champagne moment? The bit that you will always remember- well this journey has produced a few for me and I thought I would like to share them.
Getting referred to weight management clinic.
Meeting the doc there and knowing from his eyes he really wanted to help me.
The nurses scurrying round underneath me to measure me waist.
The big comfy chair.
Him listening not judging.
Going to see the dietitian Karen Slevin - her telling me to eat more. (breakfast)
Her convincing me I wasnt lazy and making me feel less worthless.
Being listened to when I argued against getting put on Orlistat.
Going for cognitive behavioural therapy (Kay McBean) which gave me some interesting insights to how I got to 34 stone. Also helped me to decide on grasping life rather than lying back to die slowly through obesity.
Beng gobsmacked when I went armed for a fight about getting an op and the doc said well ken think its the surgical route for you.
Meeting Mr K being presented with hard facts and advised on an op didnt remember thought it was a Ross on Wye rang Lorraine his secretary next day.
Telling me mam and her crying for joy.
Last suppers boy I ate
More last supppers after being cancelled
Meeting Jeff Leach a post opper the day of my op
Going home.
The Mickey taking district nurses
Learning to walk 1 door at a time very slowly
clips out
the first weigh in
wiping me bum with ease
dryin me feet
going back to the gym
setting up the site with the challenge of learnin new skills
getting a gastroscopy and being a new man
meeting my first vbger
ditto dser
ditto bandster
going on holiday in york and doing tourist things on foot.
feeling bones poking through
getting busier on the site
the gasps when I went back to work
100 members
the site was skint it owed us, we were skint I went to church and prayed and that night someone put a Cheque thro the door for a ton fifty
being in the local paper
setting up the nw support group
not forming a dam in the bath
standing up to pee in a pub
seeing me in a mirror and jumping with shock
getting a new smaller car
being interviewed on the wireless
throwing away my crutches
reducing anti inflammatorys/pain killers
snoring less
buying clothes in M&S
a shirt for a fiver in asda
saying no thanks in a restaurant
the mansfield meeting
Giving back DLA (even harder than getting it)
http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/the_mansfield_seminar.htm

The dockers club http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/rogues_gallery.htm

Fun running http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/fun_runs.htm

National obesity forum being very proud http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/nof.htm

Nurse of the year stuff http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/nurse_2003_gig.htm

The chief medical officer of the UK askin me would I mind joining him for lunch
http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/rcn_gastro_gig.htm

Dudley our first national meet  http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/dudley.htm

going on a rollercoaster for the first time in me life http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/images/btm1.jpg

Me and the sites birthday party in january http://www.wlsinfo.org.uk/birthday_2004.htm

seeing people shrinking before me eyes and looking healthier.
seeing people waiting ages on the NHS get done
people telling me I saved their life
someone giving me their last quid at NW support group and saying we needed it more than she.
Laffing at meself on the telly.
Seeing people who were on the last legs fit and well
seeing the miracle of people looking younger everytime you see them.
But most of all the friends old and new I have gained through this place
And the best thing is I have plenty more moments to come.
What are your moments from your journey.

 

We stayed on the number 3 (green route) near the stop at Marville. 

Thanks to biddy from http://www.biddy.blogspot.com/ who took this snap. The prawn with attitude is called a langoustine. 

Holday Photos on line - the reduced set.

The holiday pictures have landed in a set creatively titled France 2005.

Day 2

Its a fine feeling when I wake up though oddly I feel hungover?? Breakfast on branflakes topped with a few of the devils crunchy nut cornflakes. Then out for a shop in this new heathy world I opt for hoofing it. Its a nice walk to tesco I don't know how far but I do a good pace and a long stride and with shopping I am an hour. (Ten mins max in store). A brisk walk back and I am sweating with the effort - good home lunch is prawn salad and wholemeal baton (well a bit of one).
Tinkering in the afternoon then its a walk down to Ruth and Pauls for Jeans mums birthday party. I eat well focus on protein and have small piece of raspberry cheesecake and pecan pie.
Home and we have a drink having decided to I miss out beer and stick to wine. Still nice and bed, night night.

Apologies for the break in service then

I was just explaining my breakfast problem when I pressed the wrong key and it was sent. So the cereals cupboard looked bare, not good doc c has told me breakfast is important and I don't have access to much good stuff so I go for two slices of toasted french bread with jam. The bread is ok the grease is the killer. Ally of to docs with a shocking throat, visit ma go to to tesco. Pick up provisions ham salad for lunch and a wholemeal roll. Very nice, then its off to Greenbank for a meet with a nice girl from the BBC to discuss a possible project, this is just a chat for background, JK comes along for the ride.
Bump into Dave and Maria at gym. Jack berates me for sparse gym attendance.
Then its home chicken (no skin) with baked potato and side salad very nice I have three pieces of fruit through the day and have upped my fluid intake. Done well end the day with some bread and jam. Don't feel deprived and feel positive. Did some measurements.
Weight - 18stone 11lbs 4lb up since last weigh in June.
Waist as per fat man slim measuring instructions 48".
Body fat is written down somewhere but not committed to PC.
BP 150/106mmHg
RHR 58.
No booze a good day

New month new lifestyle

It will be no secret to the regular blog watcher that I have gained a tad of weight and am not happy about it. Jean and I made a concious decision that after the holidays we would attempt to turn the supertanker round. So after much mussels frites cidre and vin they day is here.
I have decided to follow the Fatmanslim programme. It was going to the reductil lifestyle pack (without the reductil). On reflection and analysis its the gentle Scots voice of Dr Ian Campbells Fatmanslim for me. I chose this for a couple of reasons
A) I know the bloke trust respect and like him.
B) its online
C) I'll be seeing Ian in six weeks so I can give some feedback, and that's a good target in itself
D)its written for blokes and is evidence based.
So I have listened to the getting started section and it all made sense and seemed doable.
Fell at the first hurdle the holiday clearout had seen off my healthy cereal. So I went for

Wednesday last day of the hols

Well for jean anyway. Me off sick and Allly back on Tuesday. We have a slow mornin and then its off to Laser for some school uniform. Lunch at the delightful new gaff outside the cathedral. I go for a prawn brochette and pasta. Home kip for jean and me playing on PC Ally in room. Tea chill, Colin brings box round.

On the benefits bus.

A hurried start to the day JK picked me up to reclaim the car from GBE Lookers. I actually felt sorry for the bloke who was a lousy liar sat there spinning yarns. I was embarrassed for him, though that doesn't justify the aggro and grief that the lousy service I experienced caused. Then its running round to catch my sister at my mums, take the rabbit to the vet and get holiday prints done at asda. Pick up a few groceries and saddened that the lady points out how polite and unusual my thank you was.
All done its time to call the jobcentre plus helpline. Plus - my arse. It must have been really bad before. After a queing system and recorded message designed to drive away but the most determined and deaf. I get through the boy is helpful but assumes a) its ok to address me by my christian name and b)its ok to call me kenneth.
So I filled in this 30 odd page form which they sent me 3 weeks ago and they sent back to me saying there is a new procedure and I need to ring the call centre. So the boy reads the script. Keeps calling me kenneth can't answer questions till the end. All the easy stuff date of birth NINO (National Insurance number). He seems to be a learner struggling with each bit. He asks me why I am off sick bipolar affective disorder says I is that progressive, something I don't remember, which it wasn't or past, which it isn't. So he says its progressive! Computer says yes I may be entitled to something so now he says his colleague will book me in for a firther telephone interview and I shall have to go into the job centre. To produce documents. Intereting and other stuff. Then its off to the curry house to dine with JK and Jodie. Top stuff, two starters and bed.