Uncertainty

Part of managing my bi-polar is about minimising uncertainty and preventing anxiety by planning and preparing structure. The pendulum magazine (from the manic depressive fellowship which arrived this am) contains no helpful chapters on complete freakin disasters. This is rapidly detiorating to to that level I feel feel unable to cope on several levels, my anxiety which usually makes me restless has now paralysed me. The phone doesn't stop colin and jenny pop in the situation changes by the minute.
Stomach churns and bowels try to perform the same maneouvre. I aint sure what chemical I am producing but it isn't good. Don't do the 72 jobs I was meant too.
Light shines when dave the garage man says would I mind if it wasn't diesel. I wouldn't mind if it was a rickshaw mate. After 6 when he hasn't rung I write him off. I feel I can't go on holiday I am. Just too ill, going to bed on burying myself in a warm cocoon seems a good plan.
A cunning plan borrow mickeys zafira with integral top box. Seems a go-er to me. He discusses it with jane and fatima at the outsourced call centre. Its a goer. Bad news keeps coming its gonna cost good news its ten quid.
We set off micks face tells it all its a no go unless we take jane or him fatima had it wrong. No worries we take the box. Becomes clear that it won't fit either on the zafira or the laguna without an additional purchase. Get it in the back then off the plastic pub at winwick quay for a terribble pint of smoothflow tetley.
Off home jean makes colin a butty did I mention he is locked out of his house. He kips on the couch.

Next morniing git from the garage rings and asks how its going - mistake - I tell him. My heads gone colin tried 3 halfords couldn't get the bits required. Somwhow we squeeze in but I worry as ever. By 11 we are on the road. We are on the m6 snd the rides good but the traffics pants.