Heart stopping cricket

It looked easy, but life has taught me things that look easy seldom are. The aussies were doing great worse still it was shane. Warne. Then he walked into his own stumps and we all laffed. Then it got shakey again. Then we won by 2 runs. It was a thrilling end to a great game. Then we hard to start getting ready for Jeans birthday tea. Having ther family round aint never easy and this is a full hit on jeans side plus my mam and eleanor from next door who we have adopted. She's as cool as a 92 year old gets. I have cross posted this to mens health blog and up till now it aint clear.
Its all going well then my sister in law asks me how I am - alweays a tough question when prefaced by you look great. There is no doubt physically I do. I have a tan that has took some work. I look in good shape though physically could be better. Hell I can even manage a few hours withou looking depressed. I can appear happy and smiling even inside I feel full of self disgust and loathing. Ask any fat bloke they can all do it. Jolly fat man les dawson done large. When you are trapped in a prison of your own making you learn to look happy. In fact a GSOH is an asset in all walks of life. So what wrong Bernadette asks. Then its every mental health problem sufferers dilemma - fess up or cover up. I am tending to fess up more to be honest. Though it can lead to some backing off, it kind of feels sincere and I swear people think its catching. Its nice to know if they do., usually they are the ones who say loudest there aint an issue, and you never see or hear from them again. !
Bernadette scores well ands isn't too phased. To be fair a minor phase is to be accepted. Most people think bi-polar is an american disease. Or that the weird bloke on casualty has it (and he came off his pills on sat night). Note to jim - a piece there bipolar in the media - how it affects my life.