Saturday, June 17, 2006
Bipolar.
Where was I before the taxi came. Fessing up to mental health probs I think. This post is being posted in two blogs so apols to personal blog readers for any repeats. I was off to see my clinical psychologist peter kinderman this week. He had been off to london to a menshealth forum gig. A question was raised why mens mental services are so poor. He said its coz all services are poor.
Jim the mens health forum top editor has had a hell of week I'll bet.
So as homage to jim and for readers everywhere. A small piece living with bipolar.
So what is it?
Bi-polar affective disorder - bi-polar two poles opposites for me they are depths of depression, and hypomania, loud reckless lacking in judgement sexually inappropriate and a bit non stop. These are exagerations of what I see as an features of my normal (if such a thing exsists) personality. It used to be called manic depressive psychosis, when I was a boy. Tis popular in crap american telly as a trendy diagnosis. My psychiatrist who was exceptional said if he had to choose a psychosis this would be the one he would choose. Told him he could have mine.
Its an affective disorder it effects your moods. I have had it all my adult life. Mostly untreated I have always been a moody bugger with overactive phases followed by deep dark depressions. Usually spend winter depressed which makes for a great christmas. Two years ago I had a hypomanic episode. Was quickly picked up and referred to th psychiatrist. He accurately diagnosed it and offered apprpriate treatment. Being abloke and a health care professional I declined. Took it when landed in depth of a another deep dark depression that winter. Speak later I am going to an african
Blogs blackberry and BAD
Taxi man says bad news 20 mins wait. Doesn't phase this blogger. I have a blackberry (also called a crackberry). For the geek I have the supersexy 8700g. Its a phone with attitude. It has a keyboard and sends and recieves wireless email. Its the mutts nutts. So here I am outside Tesco Allerton road addressing my readership at the end of Mens health weekn last year it was obesity this year the focus is mental health. My sister has fessed up to tuning in. Respect big sis.
My name is Ken Clare, and I have a mental health problem.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Stardom to Starbucks.
Collaborating with granada on a documentary. Had the first meeting yesterday, the timescale frightens me but I have faith in Ian and Rachel. Working with Christians and witnessing has strengthened my faith. Close friends will know that the subarachnoid has tested my belief and found me wanting.
Talk of location and and ideas has me going. It is an wxciting prospect. I bag a lift from jean.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Patio and Dolphins
Thursday night saw us here. One of the better eateries but I have to report the menu like the website was a little tired. I did a calves liver and tempura onion rings which was boss. Jean pretty plain but tasty anchovies. Jean did sea bass and I was guided into MAHI MAHI. It sounds like a sumo move to me. it was goo, firm flesh spinach tomato and chorizo. A very filling number. Get home and wiki it Thought I had eaten flippers mate for a while. This page was less flattering but brought a chuckle.
I got bit by world cup fever on Friday morning, thanks to Kierans gang setting up a fantasy football league. I am in 4th place after two days. I was going to use some clver invective for a title but ended up with NHSpensioner.
Its run by the geezers the geezers behind the free papers on buses. Makes me smile.
Then its off to work, problems there but it reassures me that I am able to slip into professional mode.
I got bit by world cup fever on Friday morning, thanks to Kierans gang setting up a fantasy football league. I am in 4th place after two days. I was going to use some clver invective for a title but ended up with NHSpensioner.
Its run by the geezers the geezers behind the free papers on buses. Makes me smile.
Then its off to work, problems there but it reassures me that I am able to slip into professional mode.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Last night I ate a dolphin fish
Which I only discovered this am. We went to patio for tea. Will post further details later.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Monday, June 05, 2006
Sunday, June 04, 2006
BBC - Ouch! - Writers - Laurence Clark
BBC - Ouch! - Writers - Laurence Clark Some excellent stuff on here.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Wednesday.
Yesterday afternoon was trippy. I met rachel and sian from granada to talk about a possible "project" it looks promising. Almost too good to be true. More details later. After that it was tea on allerton road. What I really wanted was fish and chips instead we ended up in pod which at night does tapas. The three of us were tapa newbies but whatever we dived straight in. Started with pitta and dips hummus guacamole and smoked aubergine and bulgar wheat. Then several wee dishes. Monkfish and mustard, calamari, whitebait, lebanese chicken with pomegranate molasses, some lamb with toms and apricots, some roast new spuds it was plenty and good with the food and the sun it wqas like spqain so we hit the pinot grigio. Fifty sovs the lot pricey but good.
Tjen it was off to support group a good meet. Witnessing one again the injustice of the NHS. Forget targets and people telling me its getting better sod em.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
July
http://www.milsom-hotels.co.uk/
Booked in a couple of these gaffs for our return to the UK following the Barcelona experience.
Booked in a couple of these gaffs for our return to the UK following the Barcelona experience.
Tuesday and its busy
Original schedule was busy, but at 8.10 it took a nose dive. Loftman due at 1 rang said he coldnt wake his mornin appt so could he come here. Peachy says I. Wake ally and we motor. My head is muzzy. I hit the branflakes. Despite yesterdays movement I need to up my roughage and my fluid intake. Codeine is a killer to the bowels. I have cut them down and I am still drowsy.
Loft men arrive steve and degsy. Nice chappies to a man. They get to work. I book a hotel for opur stay in essex and the restaurant is so good she advises nbooking now fopr a wednesday night!!
Dish out the eye drops to shakespeare and mooch on the pc. Off to broadgreen for fizzio with Matt. Bus presents a problem not really sure which bus to get from which stop. Eventually plump for the 81 which surprisingly doesn't go over the flyover but stops at the rocket. I negotiate the subterranean labyrrinth that is the subway system. See jody for a wa** and melly is a supergrass. Nice
Bank Holiday Weekend
Didnt do much. I got up late, we went out to Allerton road for shopping and lunch. I ended up asking for moules marinere instead of the moules ala creme on the menu. Booked a holiday to Barcelona for 4 days and now looking for somewhere near colchester. So we can wait for Ally to come from work experience in Grenoble.
Looking round colchester way. An unexplored part of the world. Sunday I cook Roast chicken dinner, Monday whacked as a result do paperwork and sleep.
Looking round colchester way. An unexplored part of the world. Sunday I cook Roast chicken dinner, Monday whacked as a result do paperwork and sleep.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Thursday Friday Blur
Bit of a mess couple of media projects on the go which seem too good to be true so they are. Touched by thekindbess of the Liverpool University folk who let me ease in gently to the gigging circuit with this Provisional Programme I am on on the Friday and I am not a bloody case study. Original plan was a parkinson style interview with, John Wilding, he has kindly agreed to let me do a small 10 minute presentation (to see if I still can). And then move on to the Q&A from the floor and the chair. I will also attend a few of the more interesting workshops and make sure we have some publicity at the gig.
The new website has migrated to a dedicated server hosted by Bob and his team here. The last fortnight has been a nightmare but thanks to Andrew, Bob and Steve it seems to be mostly ok by close of business Fridat.
ne wbed arrived Friday morning and Ally I swwop of for lunch after her RE paper. I hit a chicken and sage butty at the Ark....OK After I breakk a 25 year tradition I let a woman cut my hair. In the last 25 years there have been lapses from Frank but I looked like the wild man of Borneo and want to make the right "look" for the media otherwise they'll send Attenborough to visit me. Walk alon Allerton Road take a coffee in Auberge and then to the wacky petshop. Few essentials round Tesco then home via village cabs. Jean home and sobriety is hard again but we succeed.
The new website has migrated to a dedicated server hosted by Bob and his team here. The last fortnight has been a nightmare but thanks to Andrew, Bob and Steve it seems to be mostly ok by close of business Fridat.
ne wbed arrived Friday morning and Ally I swwop of for lunch after her RE paper. I hit a chicken and sage butty at the Ark....OK After I breakk a 25 year tradition I let a woman cut my hair. In the last 25 years there have been lapses from Frank but I looked like the wild man of Borneo and want to make the right "look" for the media otherwise they'll send Attenborough to visit me. Walk alon Allerton Road take a coffee in Auberge and then to the wacky petshop. Few essentials round Tesco then home via village cabs. Jean home and sobriety is hard again but we succeed.
Whatever it was called the food was good.
Ally berates me for getting the name wrong I am one of the oldest and certainly lest bohemian in the gaff. Still worth a visit in an everyman sort of way.
Ally went to lush I went Currys digital (thats what dixons is called now) and got confused by their panoply of leads. Got the right ones and scooted in the end. Met Ally scored some meals at M&S then hoofed to the bus station for the 80 back.
Good day goosed.
Ally went to lush I went Currys digital (thats what dixons is called now) and got confused by their panoply of leads. Got the right ones and scooted in the end. Met Ally scored some meals at M&S then hoofed to the bus station for the 80 back.
Good day goosed.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Lunch at Kinos
After much messing on the pc and washing its off to allys recommendation Kinos. Claims to be mediterranean. Menu is exciting music is cool. I have the dearest thin g on the menu. Roast lamb spuds and salad. 7.90. Ally goes for chicken kebab on a platter with salad sauces and french fries and pitta. 4.70. This is scarily cheap.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Update - ok I am sluggish
Lots happened. Went to see Peter Kinderman last Thursday only snag appt was last Wednesday. Bought a green pepper turned red on journey home. Bought two jars of passata one with garlic and erb and one plain. When I got home both plain!!!! Such is the delight of the middle aged brin injured klutz.
Seems I am ok talking but speech flows easy, writing is hard. Weekend cant remember much said goddbye to old friend alcohol on Sunday been too keen and decided on escapism as a survival mechanism. Not recommended. Monday sees me sober one day at a time for the GCSE's at least. Frank gives me too pills to help but the hour between 9-10pm passes slow. Lunch at ark Monday with Kim great fun. Moules for me steak butty for kim. She has wine and beer I tut dissaprovingly and whinge into my water. Monday night Colin gives me a lift to the tip and No Mercy retail to buy a portaable telly DVD type thing for bedroom.
Man comes Tuesday to upgrade Cable to the TV drive. Ally does English Lit ICT and gets her mobile pinched.
Migration on site gives me headaches. People comment on blog, names of flowers and disjointedness two main subjects. I was pants at punctation before the SAH took out the punctuation semi colon and exclamation mark centres of my brain.!!!;-)
Two media sessions. One with Vicki from Granada factual and the other with Rachel a freelancer. |Good natter with woman from BMI too. Man coming to measure loft for storage space conversion yawn ( but essential). Today I am mostly using ~~~~~~~~tildes and &&&&&&&& ampersands.
Seems I am ok talking but speech flows easy, writing is hard. Weekend cant remember much said goddbye to old friend alcohol on Sunday been too keen and decided on escapism as a survival mechanism. Not recommended. Monday sees me sober one day at a time for the GCSE's at least. Frank gives me too pills to help but the hour between 9-10pm passes slow. Lunch at ark Monday with Kim great fun. Moules for me steak butty for kim. She has wine and beer I tut dissaprovingly and whinge into my water. Monday night Colin gives me a lift to the tip and No Mercy retail to buy a portaable telly DVD type thing for bedroom.
Man comes Tuesday to upgrade Cable to the TV drive. Ally does English Lit ICT and gets her mobile pinched.
Migration on site gives me headaches. People comment on blog, names of flowers and disjointedness two main subjects. I was pants at punctation before the SAH took out the punctuation semi colon and exclamation mark centres of my brain.!!!;-)
Two media sessions. One with Vicki from Granada factual and the other with Rachel a freelancer. |Good natter with woman from BMI too. Man coming to measure loft for storage space conversion yawn ( but essential). Today I am mostly using ~~~~~~~~tildes and &&&&&&&& ampersands.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
OK its a fair cop
I have been a tad less than diligent in my keeping of a blog. Poor show I know but the web site migration has been a nightmare. My concentration sucks and problem solving about 40% so every thing takes longer and I am a grumpy old get.
Tuesday saw me down to the offices of Merseytravel to collect my concessionary travel pass. What a place, twas smelly and hot. The delicatesen ticket dispenser tells me I am 75 currently serving 51. I am such a patient waiter these days. When my number is called I trot up the nice lady speaks to me thro a treble glazed window and touches my letter with the bare tips of her fingers. I'll have to get your file she says. On return she adopts mentally ill person needs help best if I speak slowly approach. Do I have to renew asks I no its permanent says she does that mean I'll never get any better says I. She smiles uncomfortably I glare menacingly after all she knows I am a mean mad mofo. She then goes to show me my map and then tells me twice southport in the north, earlstown in the east, chester by rail only in the south and scheduled ferries. Not river cruises and ormskirk by rail only. She tells me I will need a new pass in two years and the the top tip is to keep my photos - I havent got any no problem for 3.50 I'll take some. Of we go I think at last human contact but no she pokes her camera through a hatch in the wall. Probably scared of a scally robbing it. It was polaroid doesnt she realise the scallies have gone digital. Ironically I took a taxi home. It was wet and I was knakkered.
In the afternoon I saw Frank ( the doctor) who as usual proves to be wise good and a healer, poor lad thinks doctor always knows bestthough.
Tuesday Bit of a strange day. A man rings the bell no man due I have checked my diary. Hello I am here to change your elecky meter you got a letter last week. No I didnt says I well it must have been in January and you forgot.
He looks genuine 60 plus he's called Frank so there is a place in my life for him. We chat amiably I tell about my SAH and BAD and weight loss surgery (lucky arent I). Hes interested met someone whose had all of em but never one person with the full house. In the middle of this a lady who I dont know says does Jean live here. Yes says I well Eleanor old lady next door isnt answering so I say I have got keys, I had been telling Frank about her so we tell nice lady to wait and we'll go in. Expecting the worse I tread cautiously the telly as ever is 1000 decibels she is sat happily watching flog it till two blokes appear and she bricks it.
Job takes about 20 minutes and I enjoyed the chat and break from the grunt work of migration. So he has a funky wireless PC handheld ruggedised to collect his data on. This is 104 he says nope says I its 102 - Are you sure ?? You have been really ill. He then says the eff word several times and curses whilst he reinstalls the meter.
He says your wife wont believeyou man changed meter but meter is the same oh how we laughed. Job done he shook hands in a friendly tight artisan grip. Bleeding hurt it did. he asks which is 104. I point him to PAuline and Johns. The bloody elecky aint working so I say hey Frank me eleckys not working - he comes back and sorts it.5 minutes the doorbell rings. Now what the computer as my next job he says. 102 he is clearly exaspereated. If you werent such a nice bloked I would have sodded off. I offer him a drink as he starts the job - no good says I eleckys off. we had a laff he goes again told him to pop in any time. 5 minutes the bell rings again. I go to the door Frank youare taking the piss now - the man from parcelforce looks puzzled.
Tuesday saw me down to the offices of Merseytravel to collect my concessionary travel pass. What a place, twas smelly and hot. The delicatesen ticket dispenser tells me I am 75 currently serving 51. I am such a patient waiter these days. When my number is called I trot up the nice lady speaks to me thro a treble glazed window and touches my letter with the bare tips of her fingers. I'll have to get your file she says. On return she adopts mentally ill person needs help best if I speak slowly approach. Do I have to renew asks I no its permanent says she does that mean I'll never get any better says I. She smiles uncomfortably I glare menacingly after all she knows I am a mean mad mofo. She then goes to show me my map and then tells me twice southport in the north, earlstown in the east, chester by rail only in the south and scheduled ferries. Not river cruises and ormskirk by rail only. She tells me I will need a new pass in two years and the the top tip is to keep my photos - I havent got any no problem for 3.50 I'll take some. Of we go I think at last human contact but no she pokes her camera through a hatch in the wall. Probably scared of a scally robbing it. It was polaroid doesnt she realise the scallies have gone digital. Ironically I took a taxi home. It was wet and I was knakkered.
In the afternoon I saw Frank ( the doctor) who as usual proves to be wise good and a healer, poor lad thinks doctor always knows bestthough.
Tuesday Bit of a strange day. A man rings the bell no man due I have checked my diary. Hello I am here to change your elecky meter you got a letter last week. No I didnt says I well it must have been in January and you forgot.
He looks genuine 60 plus he's called Frank so there is a place in my life for him. We chat amiably I tell about my SAH and BAD and weight loss surgery (lucky arent I). Hes interested met someone whose had all of em but never one person with the full house. In the middle of this a lady who I dont know says does Jean live here. Yes says I well Eleanor old lady next door isnt answering so I say I have got keys, I had been telling Frank about her so we tell nice lady to wait and we'll go in. Expecting the worse I tread cautiously the telly as ever is 1000 decibels she is sat happily watching flog it till two blokes appear and she bricks it.
Job takes about 20 minutes and I enjoyed the chat and break from the grunt work of migration. So he has a funky wireless PC handheld ruggedised to collect his data on. This is 104 he says nope says I its 102 - Are you sure ?? You have been really ill. He then says the eff word several times and curses whilst he reinstalls the meter.
He says your wife wont believeyou man changed meter but meter is the same oh how we laughed. Job done he shook hands in a friendly tight artisan grip. Bleeding hurt it did. he asks which is 104. I point him to PAuline and Johns. The bloody elecky aint working so I say hey Frank me eleckys not working - he comes back and sorts it.5 minutes the doorbell rings. Now what the computer as my next job he says. 102 he is clearly exaspereated. If you werent such a nice bloked I would have sodded off. I offer him a drink as he starts the job - no good says I eleckys off. we had a laff he goes again told him to pop in any time. 5 minutes the bell rings again. I go to the door Frank youare taking the piss now - the man from parcelforce looks puzzled.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Monday
Key tasks await arrival of billy colin to pick up colins keys. Off to TJs to buy bed and then on to hatton garden to get buss pass.
Sunday
Bob from web integration has been migrating wlsinfo to its new home. It seems to be going fairly well. Frustrated that users seem unable to stay off the site. I find myself in the traditional I T techs jobs ok apart from users. In fact if it were just me and a server it would race along. Its the people who make the charity and who have reminded me whyy I became a nurse.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
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