After Frank

I wouldn't be my mums GP for a gold clock, she is a classic "poor historian" and her bizarre communication makes it bloody hard for the lad. But he does a champion job as ever. Upshot is shes got probable anaemia and angina both contributing to her continued breathless. Also bunged up and wicked cramps. Take her to the bank, drop her script into the ghood man craig who delivers it later and call in to Tesco for a rest and a cup of tea.Get a fone call at 4.30 the pills are cocked up so i'll go and sort em tommorrow. Happy days. Will combine with a trip to the post offie and TJ's (I need a suitcase) before dropping her off at sacred heart bingo and heading for Peter Kinderman at 1pm. I go to take mince out the freezer for tea and discover that there isnt any there. So in the blue torture machine (fiesta) to Somerfield at the Clock. Decide to drop the car and scoot down to Frank. It is fearsome wet but hey who minds the rain.
peter does the deed and its back to the shops via look round wavertree car centre it scares me the man looks so nice. But he would, 5-600 for the torture car and a discount for cash know what I mean. Minded of Alexei Sayle Ello John got a new motor. I liked him, hell I even looked like at times.I have never bought me a car, always had lease things, no risk. Jeans fiesta (said torture vehicle) Was a freakin rip off from Rice Lane Motors. All classic 2nd hand car cons were pulled. Go on boys try suing me.
When I flog it Rumsfeld wants it for Guantanemo bay - it demoralises from the first glance. Let me annotate some of its design features.
It has an intermittent locking faul on the drivers door. Sometimes if its dry and sunny it opens first time. If its lashing it down it refuses to open and wont let the key out until you are wet through. You then have to round the car open the passenger door return to the drivers side remember it aint central lock and return to the passenger side. Contort way down andd lean through to the drivers door exposing yer bum crackto the rain. By now you aint in the best mood.
The you get in sit on the moist Guardian which is soaking up the latest sunroof leak Insert the key wait three days for the diesel pre warming routine malarkey to work hear three pathetic atttempts to start, just when it seems certain today it kicks in you need to rev it like mad. The cacophany of noise sounds like the deaths head hussars panzer division all starting up in a dutch town square. Then you stall and repeat.
When you get going it progresses nervously at 27 miles an hour you are rewarded with a bone shaking vibration.
It shouls be a site of special scientific interest it has its own micro climate. The inherent dampness means as soon as you start it becomes like a Amazonian rain forest. Showers occur internally. There is a piece of NHS blue roll hanging from the interior light (soaking up another leak).The heating system is the top hat - the controls are nothing to do with it. When its hot outside the heater works top whack, when its cold, yes it refuses to work. Reversing lights work intermittently.
So When I got home after cell last night with a numb damp bum wet scalp and irritable the final indignation I parked next to Jeans new C3 which towers above like a huge 4X4 - and thats a noddy car. Not happy with my motoring experience.