On the road to the knife -

So in I bounce to doc M at  the weight management clinic. His warm grin, caring smile and genuine eye contact defuse me. He looks through my notes. Right Ken you have done 2 years here gone up and down how would you feel if I referred you to a surgeon. I was speechless, well if you want to try for longer,  no way I have just for once lost the power of speech. Carry on with the dietitian and you will hear soon. That was in September I was fairly clear I would end up with a gastric band, so I researched that. I joined a local gym, its a fully integrated facility where people of all abilities were welcome. There was bronzed adonis lycra-clad poseurs. The instructors were a welcoming bunch of people. I figured if I was going preop it might help my heart and be easier when I decided to come post op if they already knew me. Full respect to em and I did a bit, but at 30+ stone after a days work the effort near killed me.
I got an appointment to see the surgeon Mr Kerrigan in January, I foolishly went on my own to an evening appointment. He did the most thorough assessment I had ever had he talked about the complications and risks. I trained at a time when the conventional wisdom was dont gas fat people. He said he used the same guy all the time and the team and critical were well experienced. He asked me what I thought the the risks of dying were. I figured 50-50 and I was still up for it. I was therefore relieved to find the reality to be 1in100. He talked me through the co-morbidities of obesity, ticking off those I had and mentioning what might come. He explained the op I remembered -  bypass he showed me diagrams but once he started talking about my offal my retention rate went right down. Just the funding he said he'll write to the PCT and off you go.
Got a date for August in June. I bricked it when it came through the door. Do we tell people? Do we tell my daughter? We went on holiday in August before the op, part of me felt it was my last.
It was a good holiday but the aches, pains, problems and misery of obesity came home. My daughter and I so whats life like at 30+stone

• in constant joint pain
• sweating even on the coldest day
• chafing and infection in every crease and fold of your body
• breathless after walking 10 yards
• unable to get dressed alone
• unable to get washed alone
• near impossible to wipe you bum
• worrying you smell
• sitting in the car while other people see things
• dint go to football concerts or other public events
• dont use public toilets
• cant stand long enough to cook
• cant do stairs
• cant stand at parties, concerts
  
• break chairs
• send wife into restaurant to look at chairs
  
• get humiliated in the street
• buy special clothes from limited suppliers
• every ailment you present at the doctors with is blamed on obesity
• people think you are lazy or stupid
• you feel worthless depressed
• a burden on your family
• unloved
• suicidal,desperate
  

And I didnt even really had to think about those that list took 2 minutes to compile.